So, a friend of mine has just gone to New York (for an unspecified amount of time) and we've been given her pet bird, Squeaky, to watch over. This does not please me.
Let me get something straight - I have nothing against birds in the wild. I think they can be quite beautiful and entertaining (and delicious). But, (and this is a big 'but') I hate them as pets. If it were up to me, no one in the entire world would have a pet bird.
Why, you ask? The reason is simple. People with pet birds, for some unexplained reason, always feel the need to let you 'hold' them, and by this I mean have them claw all over you and screech in your face. I have a problem with this. You see, I like my flesh to remain attached to my body. Maybe bird owners don't feel the same way, but I've always preferred to not undergo pain. It's just my way of life. Call me wierd, but if I wanted to be eyed the way a vulture eyes his carrion, I'd wander into the desert without food or water the way the Comanche did and sit there to die. Unless I'm a piece of meat in the wilderness, I'd rather not be pecked indescriminately. And this is precisely what Squeaky likes to do.
Needless to say, I'm not going anywhere near that bird. My other family members can handle that. But, I still have to put up with it's...anybody venture a guess? Bingo! With it's squeaking. The friggin' thing squawks like it's being roasted on a spit everytime someone walks by, makes a noise, or cooks something. We tried keeping her on top of our rabbit's cage which is far away from the bedrooms, but her incessant shrieking nearly gave the thing a heart attack. Poor Rosie's eyes have never gotten so wide. Now, 'Polly' gets to stay right on the other side of the stunningly thin wall separating my brother's room from mine. Lovely. And I thought I hated the death pugs...
Yammer yammer shriek shriek. Just die already!!
*ahem*
Ranting outbreak aside, my friend is too valuable for me to do anything unkind to her bird. I enjoy and love animals as a whole far too much for me to harm one, but dang, if I ever was to...
