first off, i'd like to say i have a good life.
i'm content.
i don't hope for much, i don't wish as much as other people.
as long as i have a place to sleep, i'm happy.
that's my.. motto, would you call it?
but, there are times when some things just have to eat at me.
my insecurities, for one. like my looks, my voice, my own interests. do i seem too strange? will this person accept me for who i am, or am i wasting my time? there are times i want to just stop doing everything i love in order to be accepted. but i can't. i know that's not right, i can't suddenly stop, y'know. i usually never care about stuff like that. i don't know what it is lately. it's.. depressing.
and second, one person. one person i'm STILL worrying about: my ex. i try not to let her cloud my mind. there are times when i can go for days, weeks even, without a single thought of her. i tried dating other people. but, i couldn't forget about her, and i ended up ruining those relationships. i'm too afraid to try anymore. what with that and my insecurities. and my ex, she just makes it harder for me. i just want a straight answer, 'cause at times, when she's fighting with her current boyfriend, she says she wants to be with me again, then the next minute, she doesn't. it hurts. and it's starting to take its toll on me.
i really don't know what to do about it all anymore.
what's a guy like me to do?
i can't face people, but i'm overly friendly.
i'm scared of people, but i don't want to be alone.
i care about people, but at the same time i'm cynical.
and i can't just effin' blurt stuff out. i'm not the type of person to do that.
i'm too quiet and docile to do that.
it's easier for me to just.. do this. write it out. or type it out.
all this should've passed ages ago.
i know i'm not a kid anymore, but i guess i haven't grown up yet.
well, sorry about this sad post.
i just needed to get my thoughts out there.
and i like typing more than i like writing.
i know i got a little scattered there, too. sorry.
i'll be happier next time around.
maybe i'll talk about anime, or video games.
well, it's late and i have work in the morning.
wish me luck.
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a.
