"I had that dream again where I was lost for good in outer space"
there are things I want, things I want to write, things I'm expecting to happen but don't. so I'm waiting. waiting to write about things I think will happen. because in my head they've already happened, I've already sorted them out and described them. categorized and titled them without ever considering things might turn out differently...
I gave away one of my pins today. not something I do often, though kids give me stuff all the time & I sometimes draw pictures for them. I guess you could say it was a favorite, it was Renji after all.....but yeah. I had to do it.
It seems I've fallen in love with another 10 year old. T*****-kun from K******* Elementary is just the kind of kid that will probably turn into something I hate when he gets older. (I had a little more hope for S******-kun from M*** Elementary who I wrote about a while ago, but he lives in a more rural area so that's to be expected.) T*****-kun's always noisy in class, sometimes to the point of yelling at his teacher to "shut-up!" He's smart, but too easily excited, too quickly bored, too worried he might not be smart after all and he can't let anyone find out. He hates all the girls, and most of the boys. Of course they all think he's really cool. He's not the kid a teacher should want in their class. But I like him anyway. He just wants someone to acknowledge him. And once you do he's really fun to talk to. I gave Renji to him since he'd given me some Bleach cards last week. I'd promised to bring him some of my doubles today but I forgot & felt bad so I let him pick one of the pins on a whim. He seemed pretty happy.
On the way home I saw T*****-kun heading to soccer practice. He had one of these cool looking popsicles (I just happen to have some in my frezzer, but mine are melon)
Anyway, he saw me walking to the bus stop and ran up with one half in each hand (that's the cool part, you can cut them in the middle, or on the end) and said, "You can have one!" with a huge smile. (Seriously, it was Yamamoto-worthy.) So I asked him what flavor it was and he said, "Apple!" (the only part of the conversation that was English and not Japanese) and beamed at me some more. So I took it and said thanks & it was delicious (it really was) and walked off to the bus stop.
...even so, when you don't expect things they happen. and the things you're expecting may never come. may be better off not coming. you should know by now not to wait with baited breath anyway because real gratitude, gratitude for your existence and not just the things you give to someone or do for them, it's easy to see, and far more delightful than hearing the "thank you" you waited all day for from someone who's proven time and time again he'll let you down exactly when you expect him not to.
"Tell me doctor how to shake, a waking nightmare that is only worse when I am sleeping."
"I feel alright, so please don't get me rescued."
