I have work to do. And I'm not doing it. Like, actual, real work. It's 5pm on Sunday. What the hell is wrong with this picture??
It's not that I'm not doing my work, I can tell you that much.
This girl I know lent me some manga and I really don't want to read it. I hate when people do that. They recommend stuff out of nowhere when they don't know anything about you & just expect you to take the time to start to like the thing they like. Seriously? OK, I get that they're just being nice. I get it. But you know what? I'm not nice. I don't have time to waste on shit that other people think of! I guess there are people who are happy when that kind of thing happens, but me? I don't budget time for "other people's shit" into my life. Sorry. It might be interesting, but all it is to me is extra stress b/c I know she wants me to read it. She wants me to read it and talk to her about it, and why do people do this? Don't they ever consider that I might have 8 million things I want to read already stacked up in my apartment? Don't they listen when I tell them how busy I am? Can't they see me running around all day at school obviously having no time to socialize with them? What the hell do they think I do at home? Sit around waiting for someone else to give me something to do? I guess when you still live with your parents that might be the case, but still...they know I live alone!
I have work to do, and I'm not doing it. I've been cleaning all day. I can't believe I've gotten so old that cleaning my apartment has become stress relief but it seems that's the way things are. I like clean. I like organized. I think it's probably a control issue...guess I'm still a little overwhelmed by the rate at which 2011 is going. Just like I knew I would be...and that was before we had a giant earthquake and I was whisked away to Italy so that even more things to do could pile up. I've cleaned my closet, under my bed, and ironed all my clothes. I hate ironing.
I may be feeling the first stirrings of Gogatsu-byo....it's May next week after all. And I have been running around like crazy for all of the first four months of this year. With May comes my birthday, and the start of my "real" job. Finally...but May also means summer in my head and not wanting to do anything but go out all the time. However, I have work to do now. I've been working on it all week long...and then, today it hit me. This is a huge fucking waste of time. The work that I'm doing now, is going to benefit other people. And not even people that I know, or will ever know. Usually, I don't mind working on stuff at home b/c it's some project that will make my job easier or better. But this? Nope. It's just me giving information I have -and have had to search for, and soon won't need ever again- to other people who probably won't try to use it anyway. They'll still act clueless and do things wrong, and this time, this time I won't even be there to yell at them for it. I've been spending hours working on something that I won't even see the results of.
I want things I cannot have.
I have work to do.
I may be down the well again...
Then again, maybe I'm never really out of it, just imagining that I am...
...your heartstring's out of tune again...
