yesssssss nooooooo I dont I never need anybody not like you care even though I know you do care, but Im sick of people, making me feel like im being blown off.Im sick of people just having to do what they do before my own.Thats why Im so surprised when people actually care about me, becasue they dont do anything like what im use to people of treating me. So even though Im happy Im think their lieing. I really do. I told my mom I dont like her drinking, I also told her I dont like rick,her,boyfriend, who has actually ruined a lot, for her and me and others around her, and yet all that I fell is nothing I dont care even though I do care and thats what makes it feel worse than I already do. Which sucks because it feels like no one cares about me T_T even when I dont know whats wrong, when something is wrong,but I feel like they wouldnt listen, like I would be blown off. So what am I suppose to do? Really if I said everything I wanted to Id be, I dont know where honestly. So many things couldve happend to me, if it wasnt for me knowing right from wrong. But i hate it I hate it all.....but I love this feeling even though it sucks it really does. All my bones on the inside of my body feel like their cracking, and when I was in the hospital it felt like heaven it really did wanna know why? because I got some time alone, to sleep and rest and not worry about anything, i didnt have to force myself to eat or talk or anything I was allowed to rest not like i ever get the chance to because people are always around T_T it doesnt help I dont want to be around family to talk like this. I want to talk around someone, someone whos not my family who wont tell anything to them T_T because everything in my family gets around. So you cant really do anything you want to no matter how hard you want to. Just because I write about sorroful things doesnt mean I have a boyfriend or is pregenent about it T_T seiously what the heck IM NOT THAT. Im actually just going out with someone i know around me that actually cares which feels some what wierd, but in a good way, but I also feel afraid of it too because of what could happen, I know I should worry over it but i do , thats just the person I am and I dont think there's anything wrong with it, except for the fact i dont say anything I want to say. Thats why Im scared to say thing I want to say, because I know they actually pay attention to me,, and how I feel,sometimes it feels like all they do is, Im not sure Im just afraid of them more afraid of them than myself, but i know I couldve or still could die by my own hands, a while ago, or in the furture, if I havent snapped out of it. It was so wierd.So I dont know what to do. Even though I know I should just speak my mind, but sometimes it feels like I shouldnt say anything and than see if they notice but the truth is ive technically already done that. Yet they still havent noticed.So Im scared that doesnt make me a brat. does it? I dont believe so. I dont have a snotty attude im just afaid to open up.Im not shy, Im shy okay nevermind about that, but still what am I suppose to do? I am doing my best but yet they, Im not doing my best at all, I think I may have given up, but I still I continue to fight on, and hope it will get better, but it feels like its just gotton worse. Maybe Im near the middle of it. Im not sure I have to wait for time to go by and hope the work im trying to do will help it. It just feels like a lot of people around here feel like their not trying as hard as they can or should. Some poeple really do have stuck up attitudes while others really do care. Im just too afraid that they might shun me or leave me, mostly leave me.Not my fault its an automatic response, anymore. So do you think I should do that, what ive said?