(Note: Please take this as merely a joke, it's meant to be all in good fun.)

Ever since the birth of entertainment, there have been those with ideas, crazy ideas that change the very basis of these fiction worlds. These people we call the Fans, and their bastard creations we deem fanfiction.
Once they began their assault, there was no stopping them. The war was waged, several casualties on both sides. The Fans stood victorious on that battleground, to spread their devilish ways to all corners of the world.

Today, we continue to suffer from this curse. Our youth are plagued by it to this very day. Younger and younger they are taken from us! There is no fighting it. We are left with little choice: join their ranks or fight a losing battle.
And so I ask of thee, my fellows. Do you throw your lot in with the Fans or with the Flamers?

Do you support the slash of the Fans, or deny it?
Do you believe in self-insertion, or protest against such atrocities?
Worse still, do you spread the poison to the masses through these accursed fan-written spells?
Or, do your loyalties lie elsewhere and not with the Fans or the Flamers? Is there yet another army that is being raised?

Pray, answer me friends, I beseech thee! We haven't much time-!