I am frustrated. This is seriously not cool. So, obviously I've decided to vent about it on here. I don't understand! What am I doing and what am I supposed to do with my life?!? Too many conflicts, both internal and external. I was just reviewing my previous posts...being conflicted seems to be a reoccurring theme. I know all things will be revealed in God's time...but what time will that be? I feel as though I'm idle, and yet I can't get everything done fast enough! Stress is just piling up and college is one of the main causes. In addition to that however, I need to raise a lot of money by January to be able to go to Madrid. Also, I need to seriously re-take the "huge-scary-thing-that-helps-plan-my-life-and-everything-related-in-college" test again. Which, might I add is completely outrageous! I actually did better in Science than my Math (but, I thought I knew more of what I was doing in Math rather than Science!). Also, scoring just doesn't make sense to me. It says on the website that the subscores aren't related to the actual scores you got on the section...so why is that for both english and reading, when you tally them together, you get that number? Is this just mere coincidence? Or did they mess up in scoring my test?!? Because, if I were to tally up the math, it just doesn't make any sense at all! I am going to seriously retake it...ASAP! Only problem is, the next test date, I have to be working on another fundraiser for my Madrid trip. Bleh! Life is so complicated. Whatever happened to senior year being fun and exciting? As far as I've experienced, it's just been a load of stress and hard-core decisions.
It's like as though this whole time period is trying to get inside my head...which makes me feel rushed. Also, after some self-analyzing, I've come to the conclusion that I have senioritis. But, this kind isn't from a complete lack of interest school, it's from not wanting to face my future. It's from not wanting to grow up. Grsduation day is inching closer and closer and I've come to realize that I don't want to face it. The truth is, I don't think I'm ready to close this chapter and open a new one. But honestly, it draws near. I just submitted in my cap and gown orders and money. Why must life flash by so fast? All of this bothers me. Now, I have revealed to you another portion of my psychological disturbance.