Well, for all you guys who are used to me putting up posts about my conflicted inner-self, sorry, but I have a feeling this post will be a bit different. ;)
Life has been amazing and wonderful. I'm sorry that I haven't really posted in awhile, but honestly, I've just been too busy and couldn't even think of what I could say on here. This Lent has truly been one of sacrifice and reflection.
Oh, and I really want to apologize. It seems as though I've given up some of my dear friends for Lent as well. I'm really sorry, everything has just been well, basically an ongoing cycle of motion? I guess that's what it can be called...LoL
Right now, it's Easter, and I feel so happy and at peace. :) I'm munching on my cheese stick typing this post while my little sister finds batteries so we can play Super Mario Bros. on the Wii, and listening to "Hello/How are you?" by Piko Utatane. Yes, I'm a Vocaloid fan... <3 <3 <3
Hmm where was I? Oh right. Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, was when everything was turned upside down, when I didn't get accepted into the music department of the college that I had decided was going to be the one that I'm going to. That first week was really just one where I was thrown into darkness and what I thought I wanted and what I had come to believe about that one thing became distorted. I felt so jumbled inside, just trying to find myself. I was foolish. I told my mother something along the lines of "Well, what if this is all only what you want for me, and not at all what I want." That kinda caused some problems, that was the night I cracked I suppose. (You can refer to the post about how I just wanted them to listen to me) I guess, I was stressing out so much because I haven't found myself in reality, and what I thought I wanted at the time wasn't given to me, and I was trying to figure out why that was. Maybe it boggled my mind so much to the point that my internal self couldn't handle it anymore, and I just burst.
So, then I journeyed on through Lent, searching. Trying to find pieces of my life and more importantly, my faith. Also, trying to amend all the wrong that I had done. I'm pretty sure I hurt and worried my family and friends during my meltdown state. I was so confused about everything, that after my meltdown, I kinda just wanted to avoid the subject for awhile. I began to focus on the other things of life, but at the same time I was still pondering about what's going on. I guess in the midst of my pondering, time seemed to have sneaked up on me.
Funny, what I had given up for Lent, such small sacrifices (Facebook and cheese), by the time Easter came, sure it was nice to see what all my updates were and to indulge myself with such creaminess again, but it really wasn't the reason why I was happy. The good Lord is supposed to lead us THROUGH the valley of death, right? Meaning to say that we go in, but we also get out. Easter is the reassurance for me, that I am going to get out of this, alive. For all of you who don't believe, there truly is a God out there, and he's gentle, loving, and kind. He won't give you something that you can't handle, and no matter what happens, He still unconditionally loves you.
My life, and everything that I had thought was to happen in it, has really been shaken. But you know what? It's okay.