Why can't life or love or anything else that people need direction with have a compass? That would most definitely make things a whole lot easier. I'm not sure if I've become so stressed that I've stopped caring or what. Well, to be honest, I can never truly stop caring. No matter what negative thought I can convince myself of, there's always a part of me inside that causes me to care.
Sometimes, I feel like I wish I didn't care though. It's as though caring too much is actually my downfall. My heart stings with the pain of being forgotten, and yet cries out to my soul for the ability to forget.
I guess it can only be an ideal thought...wanting to forget the pain. The very thing that is inflicted into your heart, causing a clash with the mind. The soul becomes tormented, tossing and turning within my corpse.
You're becoming irresistible to me. So much to the point that I become agitated at how I carry on this situation. Danger lurks within. My heart and my head seem to have a constant power struggle. If you only knew somehow, my terrible problem with expressing all of me, maybe you'd understand. The tragedy of it all is that I can't even begin to describe the war that rages inside me. Things are only felt, and words can never rush out like water going downstream. Even tears I do my best to suppress. I swallow up my sadness, though it may choke at times. To me, that's better than having you see me cry. I don't wish for anyone to see me sad, because then that makes them sad.
I wish you happiness. I want you to be happy, regardless of if I get the privilege to be involved with your quest for happiness, or not. Being able to see you smile, and see your eyes light up, even if I'm not the one you're smiling or looking at, will be consoling enough. Your laughter will echo in my heart...possibly forever and always, though I may not be the one who you share that laughter with. I know I can't be selfish, especially when it comes to you. I'm still learning this though, and it seems to be a slow and purging process. I guess it's true what they say, love will be the life and the death of me.