So. I'm having issues with myself. Why can't I ever get you out of my thoughts? You rush through me, leaving me to deal with the aftershock of it all. You play like a broken record in my mind. You get stuck like a song in my head. It's really strange and my family isn't very good at helping because they bring you up from time to time. (That last sentence makes me wonder if I bring you up too much in conversations...I wonder.) I think I'm annoyed at the realization of how much I like you. You inspire me, and make me see things in a different light. This whole time I thought I had lost my muse, but I'm just now finding out that I've had one and I wasn't aware. Our ideas are the same and yet so different. And, what's tragic, is that it finally took me this long to realize all the different things, both the big things, and what even the smallest things about you that make me smile. The way you caressed my hair on rehearsal night; Everytime our hands would touch whenever we helped each other figure out chords on the piano; Enjoying each other's company while going out on crazy after-artclub adventures such as "saving the crow"; Even when you told me that you think of me whenever you picture someone overreacting is a cherished memory. Hah, I don't even know if you'd remember any of these...particularly that last one...but these little things, I never want to forget. Wow, if ever you come across this post (which I'm not sure how you would anyways, thank goodness), I'd bet you'd think I sound pretty pathetic. I'm sorry, I have to express myself in some way.
I feel as though it may be too late to talk to you now. Time won't stop unless God wills it to. Everyone else can only carry on.
Stupid failure of expression.
Stupid cluelessness.
There are two songs that I believe are very fitting to my situation. The two didn't even realize the emotion until later on, so they never got to say it, but they felt it, right?
Soundless Voice-Len Kagamine
Proof of life-Rin Kagamine
I prefer it in that order as well, which is different I suppose, since everyone on youtube thinks otherwise. I think, if we ever got a chance to duet a song, this would be so ironically fitting, well, on my part at least.
It's funny, inside there are quiet tears, but even though that feeling is present, I am able to smile. It's a sad smile though. Maybe this is why my ears are tuned to bittersweet melodies. No matter how painful, no matter how sad, there is still the light that shines through the clouds of gray; The hurt behind the understanding that must exist; The reason why one wishes to hold on, but for the sake of the other, reluctantly let's go. The beauty of the emotion that lingers in your heart and in your mind, because it is one that involves both.
I wanted to spend more time with you, so maybe this is my heart's way of telling my mind "See? I told you so." By having me plagued by my never-ending memory of you. Funny, I thought I was the one who was supposed to be haunting you.