Yeah, it really is. It's funny how sometimes you don't even realize how lost you are until you're finally found. How in the world could things like misery, frustration, impatience, and confusion just creep up on me like that? I've been taking steps towards healing and forgiveness. I'm trying to remember my promise that I made and that I always have to put into consideration other people's feelings...without being a total pushover. I'll admit, Thursday was just an overall terrible day. Like, it was considered one of my legit "bad days"
It's funny how I'm more willing to share and open up to people who barely know me compared to the people who may have known me all my life. Maybe it's because they don't know me as well, therefore they can't judge. Of course, once I tell them that stuff they probably can judge, but whatever. It still gives me an opportunity to get an opinion from someone who doesn't know me that well, which I've discovered that I actually like getting.
Things are getting better. After all, storms don't last forever. I think I already know what I want for Christmas. Blank CDs and sticky notes. There was this poster that I always enjoyed reading when I was in art class. It was a list of things to do for an artist. One of those was "Put up signs around your house that say 'Yes, you can.'" I found that very inspirational, and I think it'd be awesome if they're around the house too, well, maybe more like in my dorm room. I seriously wonder what my roommate will think of me. I am excited though, for this fall. It's no longer a dreading feeling anymore. It's more of an "so excited I'm nervous" feeling. I'm still uncertain of my majors and my minors, but I'm beginning to think that maybe God really does want me to be a physical therapist. I've been visiting a nursing home twice a week for the past few weeks and whenever I get the opportunity to observe the rehabilitation center at work, it's pretty awesome. The things that they do could be compared to getting together with the patients to create a little miracle in their lives. Hearing their stories and getting to experience it first hand is very inspiring too. I rediscovered my creepy fascination when I had one of those discussions with my mom about reattaching arms and penises. Yeah, it was pretty strange, but really cool at the same time. And then, In a conversation I had with one of my friends who didn't know what physical therapists do, and as I explained it to him, I was actually able to thoroughly explain it, and in other conversations too, when I hear about how their being rehabilitated, it's really cool. Although, my mom suggested that maybe I should just be a doctor, but I don't think I could handle all the stress that comes from that.
I was rummaging through my diary, and found this quote in there:
"Don't build God into your life, build your life around God."
That made me realize that this entire time of me searching was because that I had been trying to do that. I had been trying to squeeze God into my life, instead of making God the center of everything that I do. Pondering upon it now, maybe that's why all of those negative things had crept up on me. So, I've been taking steps to alter myself accordingly. I just have to trust that it'll all work out, because in the end, I know it will.