"No, nothing's wrong. I'm just really tired, that's all."
"No, don't worry, I'll be okay."
"Seriously, everything is fine."
"Yeah...I'm just worn out...nothing that sleep can't fix."
"It's okay. Yep, everything's fine. Really."

I guess I've gotten weaker at disguising myself. I'm so glad everyone is concerned about me though. "It's okay. Don't worry about it." Whenever I feel like this, I really just want to be alone. My tears of sadness and sorrow have disappeared. I cry when I'm happy now. I laugh when I'm sad. Negative feelings are no longer present. At least, that's how I feel most of the time. When I'm alone, I get to be myself. I can sit there and laugh at everything until I begin to sob. I never thought I could convince myself so well. I can feel myself deteriorating from my music. I don't play the piano as much as I'd like to, and I can feel it slowly eating away at me. My fingers keep transitioning between extremely tired and complete restlessness. I feel as though I just cut off one of my vital parts of expression. "Wow, you're difficult to read." I'm starting to understand why my voice teacher in the beginning of class told me that. If I have no creativity, what else is there for me? I'm a plant that's been disconnected from it's roots. I can feel myself and the gap that's coming in between. I need to find time for my music, before I lose it. Lack of sleep has been catching up with me too. All that brain impairment just throws me off. In addition to this, all my friends think I'm a narcoleptic. I'm really not though, just sleep deprived...unless there's a sleeping disorder that switches from insomnia to narcolepsy, then I must have that.
It's okay though. Life has been feeling a lot better on this side of the spectrum however. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, I'm just trying to figure out my thoughts. I'm not even sure if what I'm saying is making much sense. Today was lovely. One of my classes got cancelled, I got compliments from the editor of the newspaper concerning my photos, and I ate lunch in record time. It went so well until I went to chem lab. Honestly, there is this guy there...there's just something about him that drives me crazy...the thing that freaks me out is that it's the same craziness that I would feel against certain people that are enough to make me restless and yet I enjoy having them around...to an extent. Actually, he kept reminding me of someone, and I started to feel dizzy, so I ended up leaving the class before I even answered all of the questions because I had to get out of there. In addition to this, on of my guy acquaintances smelled just like one of my best guy friends from back home, and I was about to do what I always did to him whenever he put that cologne on. Luckily, I realized what was happening and I was able to stop myself. It makes me really miss him...I honestly didn't think that I would miss him so much. In psychology class, your sense of smell is the sense that's the strongest in bringing back memories...it's true. Stupid cologne. Well, I just need to lay down or something. I don't know. I just need to think. So much has happened, I need to take it all in. I am doing okay though, I just need to figure a few things out, as a future psychologist, as a future physical therapist, and a musician, as a student, and as a person.