Sākuru de supin.
Spinning in circles.
Hello everyone! It's been awhile. Sorry about that. 
My life has been an interesting ride lately. It goes back and forth from whirlwind to calm and everything in between. I guess that's how life usually is though, isn't it? ^_^ It's been good though, and for the most part despite all the crazy, I've been pretty content with it all. :) A little bit of distance and some self-reflection does tend to put things into a better perspective. The spring semester of my junior year ended with a rush of emotions that I tried my best to repress until I got home, but I just ended up breaking down and crying after all of the exciting events died down after my boyfriend's graduation.
It finally happened. Everything that I was trying to repress, everything that I was hiding inside finally bubbled to the surface. I knew I may not see some of these people ever again, no matter how much we might say that we'll keep in touch. To be honest, I'm the worst with keeping up with people and I know that. I guess that's why in the beginning, I felt a sense of being rushed. It seemed as though I had viewed everything as time slipping through my fingers and there was nothing that I could do about it. I think that's why I would be upset a lot of the time the fall semester of my junior year. I was also very lonely then. The second semester was better, but I guess sometimes I'm just really good at masking things that I even convince myself sometimes because I felt the blow after graduation. I knew I was already starting to feel it then but thought I could cover it up and just say that I was tired and that could cover up me being quiet and I could put my head down so no one could see what was happening on my face or the tears that were about to spill over at any moment. Then, one of my friends had to come in and say that they were depressed too, and for some reason that triggered everything. Saying goodbye was hard. I think it's always hard to some extent. But, goodbyes mean that you get to say hello to something else. The transition is difficult, and I think in hindsight I overestimated my ability to change and to accept that change. When I come back to school this Fall, I know that there won't be people there who I am used to seeing. I know that more people I'm really close to will soon leave, and then I'll eventually leave as well. We end that chapter of our life and move on to the next. It's really bittersweet to be honest. Everyone during graduations and the end of school years are always excited because of what's to come and feel accomplished at what they've achieved. I feel those too, but I can't brush off the feelings of being left behind and of leaving others behind. Of facing new things without necessarily having the stability that you've worked so hard to establish. Of being alone again. I guess my assumptions are correct: I am a terribly lonely person. I guess I'm really contradicting though, huh? You''d think that if I'm terribly lonely, I should be really good at keeping in touch with other people because maybe that won't make me feel alone. For some reason though, that just makes me hurt more. I don't like the feeling of missing people. I'm just now discovering how much it hurts me. I find it better to just focus on my current surroundings because it's just easier that way, even if it makes me more lonely. Familiar pain is better than foreign pain.
Things have honestly been going well though. I'm trying to volunteer at the hospital, clinics, and nursing homes to get my needed hours for my application for graduate school. Hopefully I'll get in. It's all in God's hands :) I went on vacation to the beach and it was wonderful. Everyday was full of fun and I even got to hold a shark! :D It was a baby one, but still! I've hung out with some friends and reconnected with others from my hometown and met up with some who are here for the summer as well. It's been nice to hear from them again and see how everything has changed and yet still the same. It's weird seeing some people who in my mind are still muchkins grow up. I will admit, it's nice being home despite leaving all of my college friends. The old familiarity never truly gets old. :) July is just around the corner and for me, that's always the middle of the summer where things will start to really pick up. especially for me. There's so many things that I need and want to get done before the Fall semester! I'm taking another online course with a lab, so I need to make sure that I stay consistent with that. I need to acquire some basic things and establish other things regarding my life and I just want to continue to explore everything and live life.
I'm going to be senior in college this Fall. It's still really hard for me to believe actually. I think I started this blog when I was in middle school and look at where I am now. It's funny seeing how I change and yet seeing that I'm still the same person 
Life is full of surprises. It can get crazy and can sometimes make me wonder why I'm doing all of this or if I'm taking the right steps. It can make me want to scream and shout or want to hide from the world. However, despite all of the confusion, insanity, and all other punches it may throw at you, it's still beautiful and worthwhile. Every day is a new day. I don't know everything there is to know, but I'm learning to live and becoming who I am meant to be.
song: I actually wanted to post a song on here, but I couldn't decide. Just listen to a bunch of different songs by B2ST while reading this, because that's what I did while writing this LoL
Have a wonderful day! And if it doesn't seem wonderful, see what you can do to make it that way! Everyone needs to start somewhere, no matter how scary. You can do it! I believe in you! :D :D :D
