Boundaries. Being able to establish boundaries and respect other peoples' boundaries is very important in fostering a relationship.
I honestly never thought that I would have a problem with this.
Usually once a line is drawn, I'm able to respect that and keep within where I am allowed. Once a line is crossed that I didn't realize was a line, I keep it in mind and am more careful to not cross it. That's how I am with my family, for most of my friends, and even with my boyfriend. In reality, if I ever struggled with this I always thought it would be with my boyfriend, but nope. The problem that I'm currently working this out with is one of my close guy friends.
Yeah, it surprised me too. I think it's because I'm just very comfortable with him, not as comfortable as I am with my family or my boyfriend, but like a close girl friend. Too bad he isn't gay. In fact, to make things better or worse (depending on how you look at it) he has a girlfriend. I'm pretty sure this all started because we had Anatomy and Physiology lab together Freshman year and I ended up being in the lab group with the only two guys in my lab. I mean, it was fun, and we all remembered each other because we all had the same lab first semester too, so why not, right? Well, in this class we ended up analyzing each others' pee. Yep, can't get any closer than that, huh. :P Well anyways, that was basically the start of being comfortable with each other, in the sense that we are close friends and can tell each other really weird things and discuss them.
Well, I have no idea if our friendship is healthy or not. Don't get me wrong, we're not friends with benefits or anything, it's just that we're really close. We have a very high tolerance in terms of physical touch because of our family and other friends I guess too, so we approach each other as though we're siblings, which sometimes can get weird.
I wanted to try to make an effort to establish physical boundaries because we aren't emotionally attracted to each other outside of friendship. In addition to this, we are both dating other people. I came to realize that it isn't fair to my boyfriend or his girlfriend how close we are to each other. I don't want to hurt them or make them feel like the bad guy whenever they say that seeing us makes them uncomfortable. I've talked about this with my friend, but then last night he shared something with me that really marinated in my mind and needs to make me firm in my resolve. He said that his girlfriend said to him "I mean, it's not that I don't want you to stop being friends with her, it just makes me feel uncomfortable." Wow, that sounds almost familiar.
***FLASHBACK TIME****
In high school I had a really close guy friend, and we're still friends to this day actually. Well, when he was dating this one girl, apparently she didn't like me. I was nice and welcomed her into our friend group and I thought that we were friends. It was only then that I heard from our other friends that she actually didn't like me at all and she wanted my guy friend and I to stop being friends. Wow. Could not believe that at all. I just continued to stay nice to her and give the benefit of the doubt, and just waited to see if she wanted to talk it out with my friend and see what my friend thought of it all. Well, either way, they ended up breaking up so it never really became an issue as far as that, unless something went down that I never found out about. Oh well.
***NORMAL TIME***
Haha what did you guys think of that little touch I did up there? Eh, I just felt like changing things up a bit. Nah I don't know, I just did it is all, regardless of flashback or whatever.
But you know, my boyfriend said that it didn't really bother him. He understands that we're just really good friends and he respects that. I seriously have the best boyfriend ever. I'm not bragging, I'm just really thankful. Honestly, the lyrics "there's just no one that gets me like you do" from the song: Only One, by Yellowcard, sincerely applies to him. However, because of this I want to continue to respect him too and not let him worry. I also want to respect my guy friend's girlfriend, because she's my friend too.
Anyways, that's my new resolve. I know that he loves her very much. I love my boyfriend very much. So, out of respect for each of our significant others, I will draw this line. We'll both agree to draw this line and be careful not to cross it, for the sake of our friendship and more importantly, for them.
