I don't know why I feel so outside of myself. I guess I was looking at my previous post from awhile back (sorry I haven't put anything up here in awhile :/ ) and I said that I needed to step outside of myself in order to realize some things, but now that I have, I'm faced with even more uncertainty. Different things that have been happening in my life had made me realize that I am growing up. There is life after college, even if I have no idea what that life entails. The fact that soon I'll have to be making very big decisions intimidates me and makes me freeze in one spot. I know that's not good and it can't last forever. But then, I just don't know how to deal with it so I, without really even trying, just become numb. I have my options presented in front of me and I literally have no idea where to go from there. I think the thing is that I just don't want to end up making the wrong decision and that there are so many things to put into consideration that I just melt and don't want to face it anymore. I need to gather more information on everything, I need to actually sit down and have a serious conversation with certain people (GOD, my family, my boyfriend, myself, more with GOD, yeah), and then calculate things in regards to time and money, and so on and so forth. It's just so much and it's ridiculous how easy it is for me to shut down.

I'm very tired, and I get very tired easily. I hurt my back and functioning with it exhausts me, but I'm steadily getting better, I hope. I feel like I'm getting to the point where I don't know what to think. Unfortunately, from knowing not what to think, I find that I just want to be by myself, think to myself, not even really think. It's like I'm gradually becoming dormant. I guess just for awhile. Maybe I really do just need rest and then I'll be better. It's odd though, because usually I can get into the change of things pretty well, so this is weird for me to be like this. It's nice though because I've been blessed with awesome friends who are willing to give me space. I don't know what happened, I mean, I am an extrovert. However, I am that type of extrovert who actually needs some alone time, so I guess this is it.

I hope that I'll be able to post more frequently. My final undergraduate college semester isn't as heavy as all my previous ones. I'm only taking 13 credits, which still seems so unreal to me, but it's so amazing and very nice. I guess it will give me time to hopefully figure things out, and get straight As along the way.