I hate this. It's a sweetly bitter feeling. I do it because I love them and that I care...even if that means causing my self to die to my self. If you know nothing about me, at least know this...I live because my family and friends keep me alive. They are my reason why I go on day by day. I know I can't die because I'd let them down if I do, I have a duty to them, and letting them down is a far more horrible thing for me to experience. But, for this one week, I just wanted to get away from it all, to do things that I want to do for once, and hopefully that of which they'll allow me to go to. It's nothing much, just to attend a talent show, go shopping with a friend, then a friend's birthday party/sleepover. Yesterday didn't go well. I had a few bumps here and there at school, but that didn't really matter. Then, when I got picked up was the problem. My dad and I didn't really get along quite well, and when my mom got home, it was basically the same, just feeding fire to the growing anguish beneath my shell. Then today, it was ok, same as yesterday, a few bumps in the road here and there, and then, more controversy between Dad and I. Followed by some with Mom, it seems as though my siblings are the only ones I've been able to tolerate lately. Then, my dad was "complaining" to me about his work and how mom wasn't able to do the things that she wanted to do today because I was attending the talent show. Then he said no more activities, which I really wanted to let him know that I'm going on a shopping trip tomorrow, but I just couldn't. Seeing him so tired and hearing how it seems as if no one was able to enjoy there day because I was doing something, bothered me. I fear, that I might have to cancel this trip that I have been looking forward to ever since Sunday. This is the reason why I feel I am dying to myself, because a part of me wants them to be happy, therefore I'm happy, but I've been wanting to go on this trip because I feel I need a temporary escape for the moment. I better stop know, there's no point in babbling on and on about my life and complaints and explanations to the people who even bother to read this. By the way, to all of those people, thanks a million.