Hello, i'm Alex. I am a girl but I want to become male or (Transgender male[FTM]) there are a few things that I would like to make clear now:
1. I still like boys!
2. I am serious about this!
3. I have not gone through any medical treatment yet!
4. I still identify as a girl in real life!
Now that you know this, I will start adding a post maybe every week about me and my life. I STILL DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS STUFF!!! If you have any questions or anything you would like to say please send me a message ^.^

Description of Me!!!

Height: 5'2"
Weight: 130
Hair: black/red, (looks kinda like emo boy hair but not spiked up in the back)
Skin: classic ivory
Eyes: dark green

Mom's Problem With Money

There has to be alot of explaining to get why mom makes me mad.

On the weekends me and my sister (Emily) have to do chores in order to get our allowance. I clean our bathroom, the computer room, and my bedroom. Emily cleans the laundry room, the front door entrance area, and her bedroom. We get $10 each for it. If our chores don't get done, then we don't get paid. This weekend Emily is staying at her friend's house and won't be back untill Sunday night, so she let me do her chores and I get her allowance.

My dad's 45th birthday was on the 8th so me, mom and Emily decided to go together on his present. Emily and I agreed to put in $5 each.

Today I spent all day cleaning and got the chores finished so mom could pay me when she got home. When mom came home she had bought dad's present (it was a fish finder for fishing). It cost around $200 (I didn't know how mich it was at the time). I asked mom if I could have my money and she said, "I only have your lunch money for school, so you don't get your allowance this week. I might pay you next week."

I said, "Why don't I get my money?"

She said, "Because I spent the money on dad's present"

I said, "But, Emily and I agreed to throw in $5 for it."

She said, "Well it costed more than I thought."

I would have trusted her to pay me next week, but I don't trust her at all when it comes to other people's money.

And here is why...

A few weeks ago, Mom didn't have the money to pay me and Emily that week so she said that she would pay us next week. The next week we were at Wal-Mart and Emily and I asked her for our money. She said, "The cost of living has gone up, so we have to cut back on your allowance some weeks."
What makes me very mad about that is that mom smokes and drinks(alot), but she never cuts back on that.

A couple months ago, Dad had to take away mom's credit card because she always uses it but no one could tell what she is buying. There was a charge on the card for $500 but nobody knew what she bought. She always says that she spent it on groceries but there were no more than usual.

On Emily's and my birthdays, we usually get $100 to go shopping with. Near my 15th birthday, mom and her sisters had reciently sold some property that they owned in California. Mom said that Emily and I would get $100 when we went shopping on the day after my birthday. The day we went shopping, we asked mom for our money. Emily got $100 and I got $100....... I asked mom if I could have my birthday money too. Mom said that I didn't need it. I didn't say anymore because I knew that if I did, then she would get mad and say that i'm ungrateful and take back the $100.

I am grateful for the money that I get. It may not be as much as some people get, but a bunch people don't get any money at all.

Sorry for the ranting...

I am saying sorry before hand because for the next for posts I will be ranting about how my mother makes me mad (there will be alot of posts).

I'm not sure anymore...

I don't know if I want to be transgender anymore. I had a very good dream of me and a guy (I have no clue who he was) being together and so i'm not sure of how I think of a man and a woman being together. I could test how I feel because Jesse always says that he would be happy to satisfy my "sexual disires" (I can't belive he said it XD). But I know that I wouldn't want to do anything like that for a long time.

I will continue putting posts up about transgender stuff :3

Blah

Hi, lately i've been thinking alot about myself and other stuff, like why do I think that I don't want to be a girl? What can I do to make myself feel happy? Am I depressed? I hate asking questions to myself because I don't know the answer... Sorry, All i'm doing is complaining and its not going anywhere... Reciently I found out that i'm not the kind of person that likes to get deeply involved in anything like relationships and even hobbies, I get bored with things and people easily and that bothers me because I don't know how it will effect my future. I might join the Army and then become an Animal Cop, but I know that being transgender would effect my chances of doing these jobs.

I don't know if I want to be trans and happy but has trouble with a job or be not trans and have a job that I like...