It was Sunday morning when a sudden distress beacon appeared on my radar. Oh no! It was from SomeGuy! In need of a Tuesday poster for the Writers Bloc, I selflessly volunteered myself for such a task.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Substitute Scribe Stint, Session Two
Politics and the English Language
Rules. Oh rules. Why must you exist? I've never liked you. You make me look bad when I break you, and earn me disapproving glances if I bend you.
Yet it's been said that society cannot exist without boundaries and without rules. And what is society but the overarching theme of everything around us? Like it or not, that's what it is (apologies to all you rebels and anti's out there.)
But writing?! Why writing? Isn't it the art form of expression and freedom? Entire periods of time have been defined by the stylings of its arts, and such changes wouldn't have come about if it wasn't for experimentation in styling. Wouldn't that involve breaking rules?
Keep your pants on, we're getting to that.
One of my favorite pieces ever written concerning rules and writing comes from our very own bellpickle. It was entitled "How To Write Mediaminer-Worthy Fanfiction" and was unfortunately lost in the move to VV. Using sarcasm and a style akin to "A Modest Proposal", bell's real message was that fanfiction involves rules - just like everything else in life. But who the heck made these rules, and why should we abide by them? And just what are they?!
I told you to chill out already!
The answer to the first question is George Orwell, the man behind such school curriculum staples as "1984" and "Animal Farm". The answer to the second question is "because I told you so". And the answer to the third question is coming in the paragraph after next!
At the beginning of AP Brit Lit, my teacher, being the somewhat intelligent man that he is, gave the class a handout entitled "Politics and the English Language". We groaned at the packet, which held within its innocent pages walls of text and knowledge. We were to read it and copy down the following six rules:
1.) Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2.) Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3.) If it is possible to cut a word out, cut it out.
4.) Never use the passive where you can use the active.
5.) Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent
6.) Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
If you look closely at these rules, never do they constrict one on how they write stylistically. In fact, Orwell is more concerned with words than phrasing (hey, it called "Politics and the English Language"). Truth be told, there is really nothing wrong with using metaphors or long words - however, it's the abuse of these things that winds people up in trouble.
Writing on the internet is a difficult thing, as anyone with a connection has access to every single word. So while you may think you're appealing to the twenty-somethings, you may have children in pull-ups and adults with fake teeth reading your work as well. The goal here is to be broad and attempt to make things as accessible to people as possible.
In short, if you're trying to avoid headaches and confusion, just ask yourself these questions whenever you run into a speed bump:
What am I trying to say?
-What words will express it?
What image or idiom will make it clearer?
-Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
Can I put it more shortly?
Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
If nothing else, it'll impress your English teacher.
You can check out Orwell's original essay here. Well, if you so desire. Weirdo...
