Ok so I know I said forever and a day ago that I would post a rewrite because I hated the original, but I'm just putting it up now :T
I also said that I would finish the Chapter, but I decided against it and instead I am just going to post this one part right now because I'd really like some opinions on it, and maybe even some suggestions perhaps? Depending on what everyone thinks of it (and what I think of it as I proceed) I might rewrite it again because yenno... that's just how I am. (: Anyway here is the rewrite, I put more detail into it thinking that there was a lot lacking and also changed the dynamics a little... I think. I haven't re-read the original write yet I just kidna went over what I had already written and wanted opinions on.
Chapter One- Late Days
I crept down the wooden staircase as quietly as possible, flinching at every creak, hoping he would think it was just the wind. Keeping one hand on the tapestry covered, stone wall I did my best to keep my feet on the sturdiest part of each step. Having walked up and down them for the last sixteen years of my life, I knew them as intimately as I did every other inch of the rooms my old master and I called our own, as well as most of the entire royal castle. I shook my head and paused momentarily, I had to stop thinking of him as my master! We were equals now! So then why was I trying so desperately to sneak past him?
As I came to bottom of the stairway I peeked around the corner at the dark man who had, until recently, been my direct superior. I knew deep down I would always see him as a mentor, but just as I knew I would always look up to him, and I also knew that despite the fact that I was no longer his student, my master would not hesitate to scold me severely for staying abed till nearly noon.
Looking into the pseudo-kitchen of our rooms I found myself in luck, Master Darius’ back was to me. I smirked, optimistic for the first time that morning. Now for the tricky part. I moved away from the corner a little ways and, leaning against one of the brightly colored tapestries that covered almost every wall in the palace, I reached inside myself for my magic. The tingly feeling I got whenever I used it infested every part of my body and I had to fight off the urge to shake myself as I focused my mind. By bending the light around me I would be able to pass Master Darius invisibly if I moved with care.
When I was finished working the spell, I peeked around the corner once more and straight into the dark brown eyes of my master.
“AHHH!” My scream was not at all manly or even remotely dignified as I jumped back in fright and, my foot catching on the steps I had so recently descended, fell backwards onto the hard wood my spell broken and my fresh from bed appearance easily seen. “What are you doing? You nearly killed me!” I fought for control of my voice, mindful of the nearby open window, and floundered, attempting to right myself without toppling onto Master Darius.
“What am I doing? I was simply walking about my own rooms. I should be asking you what you were doing.” Master Darius’ voice was deep and it seemed to shake my very bones. From his tone and stance I could guess he hadn’t had the most delightful morning.
I decided to press my luck anyway and replied with my usual tone of impudence. “Well I was trying to sneak past you.” I said the words with the most offended look on my face that I could manage.
“Oh?” He actually chuckled and raised an eyebrow, which scared me a little, as he usually didn’t laugh over my refusal to wake up at a decent hour most days. He continued, which I presumed meant I would soon find out what exactly had ruined his morning. “You? Sneaking? Well I must say you aren’t very good at anything that requires restraint, so I have no clue why you thought you’d be good at sneaking of all things. I heard you the second you rolled out of bed.” He looked at me sternly and I gulped, unsure of what his point was going to be. “A charming, womanizing young man like you obviously can’t control himself.”
Ohhh… I groaned inwardly. So it’s this again… Master Darius didn’t approve of my methods of keeping up the ruse we’d been performing for so many years.
“I swear, half the women in this kingdom are after you, Nathaniel.” He was scowling now, rather than laughing or smiling. “I’d have a more exact number for you but I haven’t the time to take a poll!” He said sarcastically, then turned on his heel and started walking away from the steps where he’d had me cornered, towards the table where papers lay scattered and his tea cup was steaming.
I got up and followed. “Well perhaps we could ask the King to add the question into the next census,” I quipped. “I’m willing to bet it’s more than half.”
Master Darius glared at my grin as though it was something evil, and perhaps it was. “Don’t you even dare consider that with any seriousness Nathaniel!”
“And why not,” I teased as I walked towards the stove to make myself tea. Master Darius insisted the servants stay out of our rooms for the most part, which was a wise decision considering the secret we shared.
“Because it wouldn’t be nearly as funny as you think it would be.”
“Hmmm…” I considered his words as I lounged against the counter waiting for the water to heat, stretching my long form as best I could. After a few moments of silence my curiosity about his sour mood got the better of me. “So why are you in such a delightful mood anyway?” I said ‘delightful’ so sarcastically Master Darius couldn’t help but smirk.
“Why are you only just getting out of bed?” He answered my question, with a question of his own, something he often did.
I grimaced, having hoped he would have forgotten about it, or at least not mentioned it. Rather than respond I took a sip of my freshly brewed tea, which was hot enough still to burn my tongue.
He looked at me quizzically, and rather than waiting for an answer, supplied one. “Out late charming more young ladies?” I winced, both from my injured tongue and his comment. “Well I guess that explains why Lady Iris was about at the crack of dawn this morning, mooning after you like a lost sheep.”
I could hear the annoyance in his voice and made another face. At least that explained his mood, and why he kept picking at my so called charm.
“One of these days it’s going to go too far you know, what will you do then?” He had stopped shuffling papers and was looking at me now, genuinely interested in my answer.
“Nothing.” I replied blandly, I knew where this was leading, we’d had similar arguments several times since I had achieved full status as a Dragon Master. I knew he was worried about what would happen when he was gone, or when I would be expected to move into my own rooms, which were still being remodeled, but I wasn’t. “Because no one aside from the two of us knows the truth, and it’s not like I’m actually going to act on these inclinations of the future these women want.” A tone of bitterness had entered my voice.
“Nathaniel.”
I heard the caution in his voice but didn’t care. I wasn’t nearly as worried about the consequences of the trick we had pulled as he was. What could they possibly do to me anyway? I thought to myself, I’m too powerful for them to do anything… “Can you imagine the look on their faces if they actually knew? I personally think their faces would be hilarious if they found out I was—“
Master Darius moved faster than I thought he possibly could and caught my elbow as I turned to face him. I dropped my teacup in surprise, but wouldn’t let him see the fluttering fear I knew was inside me and instead hardened my eyes, looking as fierce as possible without being outright hostile. “How foolish are you? The walls have ears Nathaniel!” He spoke in a hushed voice, but my keen ears could hear him perfectly. After a moment I looked into his eyes and recognized the look inside of them. It matched the fear I felt in my own body some nights, when the world seemed hopeless. I had never realized before that the reason he had so vehemently forbidden talk of the truth was out of fear, out of fear for me. Then he sighed and let me go, looking tired and older than usual.
I looked down, now somewhat ashamed for being so unconcerned. All this time Master Darius had been in danger too. I was stupid to think that if they found out the truth that I would be the only one punished. They would punish him too of course. After all he had been the one to bring me in, the one who had taught me and fought for me every time I got myself into trouble. If anyone found out the truth, the one who would suffer would be the man who had been the closest thing to a father figure I’d had all these years, and if they couldn’t hurt me directly, they would do it through him.
Finally, after a few moments of silence and quiet thought, “it’s not like anyone would actually believe it you know.” I said the words in such a small voice I had trouble believing them myself, though I knew they were true. “No one would ever believe a Dragon Master, let alone one as powerful as me, or as much as a womanizer as me, could actually be…” Looking through my long eyelashes I saw his broad, muscled shoulders, so unlike my own, stiffen, so I let my sentence drift off, unfinished.
Feeling I had made my point I stooped and started picking up the pieces of my brightly painted teacup, mending them back together with my magic until the pieces made a whole once more. As I did this, and then mopped up the spilled liquid with a rag and refilled the now repaired teacup Master Darius had sat back down and continued to sift through his papers.
“You know if it could be any other way…” His voice was low as I walked past him to take a seat across from him at the table.
I sipped my tea, letting it warm the cold that had enveloped me. “Yeah,” I said, my own voice low and roughed by emotion, “I know.” I looked down into my cup, letting my shaggy, dark brown hair cover my large, grey eyes, which were stinging with unshed tears of frustration. I knew Master Darius was right, I always had. I knew, I had trouble accepting it, but I always knew, no one could so much as suspect the truth, no one could know I was a girl.
All right there it is. I hope I caught all of the paragraphs and put spaces between them, whenever I copy over it never adds in the double spacing and when I tried to tab to put indents at the starts of the paragraphs it just took me to the next input box so some of my spacing is probably off (:
Anyway, I have always had this sort of obsession with girls pretending to be boys. No, I don't have identity issues, I just think that it would be fun, you know that is... if women were still severely suppressed here in America where I live... which is why this story that I must so desperately write has to be in a medieval setting. Some of my favorite books are where girls pretend to be boys because the dreams they have cannot be achieved by women because they are not permitted in such fields by the majority of society, and so of course I had to try it myself. I do not doubt that it's going to be difficult, but hey, I like a challenge. I was also sort of going for a little bit of misdirection in the beginning, trying to make people think one think that would be socially unacceptable in the middle ages and trading it for another. Now if there is any confusion, this story takes place (at least at this point) in the Kingdom of Therar which is severely patriarchal, they view women as inferior basically, and Dragon Masters (in summary) are powerful magic users with connections to dragons that are very valued by Kingdoms (there are 5 major kingdoms) in particular Therar has very many Dragon Masters and they are all given titles of nobility whether they are born with it or not. This is one point where the kingdom of Therar could be seen as flexible, they give titles of nobility to commoners who are Dragon Masters. The unthinkable thing for this Kingdom though is that a woman could be a Dragon Master. Long ago though it wasn't unthinkable, but all traces of any female Dragon Masters have been all but completely eliminated. Now it isn't the Dragons that are sexist, it's the majority of the Kingdoms, and they all pretty much follow Therar because well right now Therar is the dominant kingdom. Anyway... this was a long extra rant. If anyone is interested and has questions or confusion let me know, I'll be happy to explain because this is really my first major go at actual writing, since I have concentration issues and can never seem to actually follow through, but I'm trying... like seriously, I was about to turn on some video gameage when I had to scold myself severely and remind myself that the main point of me coming to stay at my dads was to have concentration time to really focus on writing since it's what I really at least want to try because to be honest I love it. And again, ANYWAY. I'm gonna stop now and get back to actually writing the story...
