had a strange dream last night. In it, I was me, as I am now, but I was also me, as I was back then, before high school, before drama, before I learned how to cope with life as it truly was. The strange thing was, I was both of us. I saw things in two ways at the same time. I was talking to myself, from different perspectives. It went something like this…
19: Why are you crying?
15: I’m scared. I’m about to start a new school, in a new town, and with a new family. Dad’s back, but everything is different.
19: Oh, darling. If you only knew how much things will change in just a few years, you’d be relived just have your Dad back.
15: I feel like I’m losing control. I don’t know what’s gonna happen anymore.
19: Lots will happen. People will die, but more will be born. People will reject you, but you’ll also fall in love. Pain, joy, hate, love, discoveries, and all sorts of new experiences are waiting for you, just a little up the road. All you have to do is walk it.
15: Have you been there already?
19: I have, little one.
15: Then tell me, please. I have so many questions!
19: Then ask.
15: Will I be cared for?
19: Yes, but you must learn to care for yourself
15: Does love hurt?
19: More than anything else in the world, but it’s worth it if you can conquer the pain, for past the pain, at the heart of love, is where joy lives.
15 (Shivering): What if I fail?
19: Oh, my darling. You WILL fail at times. I can guarantee it. But don’t fear failure. Beyond failure lies wisdom, and wisdom is the fuel for success.
15: You speak in riddles! I don’t understand any of this. All I feel is fear.
19: Come here, child. Sit in my lap. I fear too. But the more you experience, the more you are able to overcome the fear. You become accustomed to it, and that diminishes its power.
15: So, one day, I will become immune to fear?
19: Not totally, but more so then you are now?
15: Will that make me strong?
19: That’s something I’m trying to find out myself. Its so hard to tell how strong I am, there is much I have forgotten.
15(touches scar on 19): What is this?
19: I don’t remember. Perhaps its always been there.
15: It looks like the cut I got, playing on the roof.
19: Was that how it happened? Ah. How foolish of me.
15: But, it was great fun!
19: Haha! I’m sure it was. I suppose that’s what life is about, in the end. Deciding whether its more important to experience life, or avoid the scars.
15: Tell me another thing. Will there be men for me?
19(laughs) Sweet innocence! There will always be suitors, all around you, whether you see them or not. But don’t be so hasty about love. It is wiser to be independent.
15: So, there is not one for me then.
19: I do not know, but you are young, and the world is wide.
15: You’re words comfort me, sister. I wish I could stay here longer.
19: There are those who need now. I have to send you back. Take care of Mother, she relies on you far more then she admits. Watch out for your new classmates, they will hurt you if they can, so use your wit, not your heart. And guard your sisters, there are things they will want to ask of you soon, so be ready.
15: Will I see you again?
19: Not until we are one.
15: Good-bye then, sister, and farewell.
19: You too, my love.
“Meera. Meera, honey, who are you talking to?” Asked Marshall, shaking me awake.
“Just talking to myself, dear.”
“You call yourself ‘my love’”?
“I used too, many years ago…”
