Yeah I told myself an hour and a half ago that I was going to bed. I got up and turned the lights off and layed down...and guess what? I couldn't sleep. At all. And so here I am just blabbing away. Awaiting to be tired. "Yay". So I figured out what my cosplay will be. For the first part (and not for very long) I will be Izaya. But then I am going to break out of that and become Ritsuka. From Loveless. Anyways, I wanted to do a "sexy Ritsuka" so I decided that I'm going to wear my new combat boots I got today (I also plan on using for Ciel) and booty shorts! :D Then the classin white shirt and black tie. Yep. So excited. 2 weeks left. I get paid Tuesday and I'm scared I am going to blow all my money on stupid stuff before the con. I don't really know how to handle that. XD. Maybe I'll give it to my mom. There's a game I really want, but is out of stock on Amazon and is like $40 on ebay and that's Cards Against Humanity. I want that game SO bad right now! haha. I've been wanting it but actually looked into how much it'd be and such. Bleh. I don't like bad news. I'm really hungry. My dinner today was like a mini baconater from work.
Work wen badly today and I have a lot on my mind so that's probaby why I can't sleep. My manager wouldn't let me go home, even though I was feeling sick and just worked my ass off for him scrubbing our break room floors! with like 3 different (approved) chemicals. He said nothing about it. I sat and stood there for about a half hour and my coworker asked me if I wanted to go home and I could just give him the headset. My manager refused right away, and I got VERY upset about it. I didn't get upset because I couldn't go home, I could have managed myself, I think. I was upset, because he thinks just because he's worked through (supposebly) a heart attack, and he has bad knees, and blah blah blah, that I had to work through what was becoming an asthma attack. My chest was tight and I couldn't stop coughing. So after he told me (exact words) to "work through it' and to "work through it ****'s way" I just stood there. I was so mad. My coworker apologized and walked away. So I got a towel and our cleaning stuff and I just started wiping the shoe prints off the wall (from people who put lean against the wall..dont ask idk) and just ignoring everybody. I knew if I started talking I'd burst into tears. Then my coworker just HAD to come up to me. He goes "I'll talk to him for you" and I didn't even look at him. Then he came back and said that my manager said I could leave. I said "No. He obviously doesn't want me to leave. I'll just 'work through it' like he wants me to" and then he came back and said "Well **** said you could leave so you can give me the headset but by then I was just bawling and someone came through the drive through and I handed it off but refused to leave because I knew my manager was pissed off at me. I mean, you just never know. One moment he's in a great, dandy mood and then the next he's pissed off at the world! My GM was eating there (I almost want to say luckily) and just stomped back to the drive throught window and told me "It's okay you need to clock out and go home. You never call in and if you don't feel good you can leave." I just couldn't stop crying. As I walked out I didn't look at anybody. I don't even remember any faces. It was all blurred. Then I heard "Goodbye, Cari" from my GM and then "Fell better" from my manager! That's all he said to me. That's it. After he told me to "work through it" he went and said "Feel better?" Like hell he knows how I feel. He didn't even care 1o minutes before that! Seriously! I bet he didn't even tell my GM what he said to me. How he said it to me. I have feelings. And guess what! I get sick! Especially when working with chemicals, scrubbing the back floors hoping when our inspection comes, we won't get shut down!

If there's one thing I hate the most, it's crying in front of people. I have gone through a lot (most of it by myself) and I barely ever cried in front of anybody. I just...idk. It's not that I feel weak when I do cry, it's just that I don't like people seeing me cry. I'm so glad one of my coworkers in particular wasn't there, because...jeez is he an ass.

Okay wow. I'm done ranting about that. I've told that story 5 times now. I'm tired. Maybe I just made myself sleepy enough to sleep. Gosh, I sure do hope so.

i shall...blog? again soon..