Today I woke up extra early again, but this time around 5 am. I forced myself to fall back asleep for another hour but then got up and primped up myself. haha.. I spent a good hour or two in doing so. I felt really pretty. Brandon came to pick me up and we took a trip to the mall 45 minutes out of town. I got some shop therapy for some sad feelings I have been having. Some korean guy came to talk to us in Spencers and it was extremely awkward. He was talking to us about sex and how he's a good guy and should hook him up with my mom? Yeah. I don't even know. Brandon was getting frustrated with me because he wanted to leave, but I really wanted more shopping time. It was helping my emotions quite a bit. He got really sick so I ended up driving us home. I wish I could have done more to help, I hated seeing him so much pain. :(. Especially because I know what it's like to get migraines that bad. I used to get them atleast twice a week. I ended up having to leave him, which was extremely hard because I didn't want to at all. I wanted to stay there and lay with him and make sure he was okay. :/. I got home just to hear my mom gripe about everything from having to take his car home because he couldn't drive me to the money I spent at the mall. Like, come on. I was excited about what I had bought, I didn't want to be put down like that. I took a bath to try to get my 1/2g tapers in, which barely helped. haha. I was overwhelmed with feelings, which I was hoping that'd help too but it really didn't. I'm just tired of putting on a face for everyone. I am happy, I really am, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just hurt so much and there's nothing I can do about it but just deal with it. Nothing seems to make those feelings go away. It's really hard and I don't think anyone I know seems to get that. It's not an easy fix. It's not going to just go away in a matter of seconds, minutes, days, or weeks. It's much more than a simple missing screw or a missing part, you know? Bleh.

My dad texted me tonight and made me really emotional. He wants to "repair our relationship". Which I didn't really know how to take at first. Either way, I want to repair it too. I want to be closer to him and his finacé. I wish I lived closer and I'm starting to wish that I lived down there but I would be so far away from my mom which I can imagine would be even harder. Bleh.

It was supposed to be a good day!