As of late I have had a major pregnancy scare. I just took a pregnancy test this morning and it came back negative (4 days before expected period) so hopefully that was a good indicator that I'm not. I don't want to be pregnant, I'm only 17. It's been rought because just the idea is scary as all hell. It doesn't help that Brandon doesn't have a job and just before last week, I didn't either. I'm glad I finally have a job, because it was hard not doing anything. I thought I enjoyed always laying around and having a ton of free time, but I really don't. The only good part about having free time is I get to spend it with Brandon. I just feel like it's really really important that I have a job. And it's important that he has one too. I've never been all to hung up on the thought of being with a guy who isn't going anywhere with his life. That drives me crazy. That's why I broke up with my ex, Blake, last year. He wasn't going anywhere in life and there he is lying around in Missouri, still not going anywhere for life. The only reason why I haven't ended it with Brandon is because I love him more than I have loved any other guy that I have been with. I WANT to make it work, I'm tired of running away when there's a problem. I need to stick around and atleast try to make it work. I don't want to have to leave one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I'm just not quite sure that he gets that. He says he is trying and is trying rather hard, but who knows what his trying hard is compared to mine. I have a lot of hunger for life. I love soaking in every moment I can-embracing it. Yes, sometimes I lose my way (especially as of late), but I want to feel as fullfilled as possible.
So far, I do have a lot of regrets as far as school goes. I wish I would have tried harder and worked harder at getting my grades up. I wish I would have taken more vigorous classes, but I also have to look at the fact that I was told by people around me that I wasn't smart enough, my imagination was too big. As for my family, they never encouraged me to do a good job or to do better in school. So now that I have figured out that I need to take the initiative and take action to make something out of myself, unlike the rest of my family. So it's really important to me that I have a job again to start my future back up...and now that I'm engaged, I'd like the fiancé to be just as committed as I am to make he and I work. Committed to get us an apartment after I graduate and to get a good education and to start a great, long life together... It's what I want the most.. :/

These are all my thoughts. I astrayed a little, but yeah. It's how I feel and I needed to get that out since I can't see my therapist until April. T_T