1. Hide his Jashin pendent
2. Forbid him from using cuss words
3. Steal his scythe
4. Tell him that his religion sucks and his god is not real
5. Use his head as a paper-weight
6. Ban him from doing his blood rituals
7. Separate his head from his body and cover his mouth shut with tape
8. Call him emo
9. Super glue him to his bed, and wake him up by clanking pots and pans together
10. When he transforms in to his other form scream and say I’m sorry mister death I don’t want to die yet.
11. Order him around constantly
12. Replace his real scythe with a cardboard one
13. Steal his headband that is around his neck and replace it with a pink necklace
14. Insult his Religion
15. Hide all sharp pointed objects so he can’t stab himself
16. Steal all of his hair gel
17. Put him and Kakuzu (while giving Kakuzu a lot of money to count out loud) in the same room
18. Talk about something completely random non-stop for 6 hours in his presence and follow him if he tries to run
19. Make him button up his cloak
20. Use his head to play catch
21. Sing the “The song that gets on everybody’s nerves” song to him in the first thing in the morning
22. Yell at him to put a shirt on (in public)
23. Make fun of his eyebrows and his hair
24. Lock him in shed for 3 days straight
25. Interrupt him every time he speaks
26. Call him cute words every 2 minutes
27. Get Kakuzu mad and blame it on Hidan
28. After #27, Laugh while he gets chased by Kakuzu
29. Follow him wherever he goes and constantly ask “Why”
30. Poke him on the shoulder and then hide when he turns around (repeat this every 10 seconds)
31. Steal the sycthe and cut your lawn with it
50 Ways to Piss Off Hidan
1. Put Holy water in his drink
2. When he asks why it tastes funny tell him
3. Say Kakuzu did it while taping the results
4. Replace all his Jashin related stuff with bunnies
5. Tell him there was only two in there in the morning
6. Replace his incense with old granny perfume
7. Hit him with a plastic wand
8. When he turns around say “Slytherin sucks”
9. Every time he curses spray him with water
10. When he does it again use a hose
11. Replace all his clothes with school girl uniforms
12. Ask him why he’s wearing Deidara’s clothes
13. Put itching powder in his underwear
14. Tape the results and post them on YouTube
15. Ask him why his ring means 3
16. If he doesn’t give a good answer accuse him of being a man whore
17. If he does ask him why he isn’t a man whore
18. Replace his hair gel with hair remover
19. Give him a Sakura wig to cover his shiny scalp
20. Tell him he looks like a panda when he goes Skeleton mode
21. Say Gaara is his panda brethren
22. Ask him why his religion basically says to be emo
23. Play “Emo Kid” whenever he enters the room
24. Call him an uke constantly
25. When he doesn’t believe you show him KakuHidan
26. Show him any yaoi couples that consist him
27. Watch him rock back and forth in the fetal position
28. Tell him Barney doesn’t like people who curse
29. When he utters a curse word throw a Barney plushie in his face
30. Ask him why his eyes are a magenta color
31. Accuse him of being a girl
32. Replace his underwear with thongs
33. Put him in the middle of a Cosplay Convention
34. Watch fangirls rape him
35. Constantly ramble on about your problems to him
36. When he tells you to shut up tell him he should be mute
37. Cover his knives with hot sauce
38. Watch him scream as he cuts himself
39. When his head’s cut off, eat a huge cookie in front of him
40. Laugh cuz he can’t eat in that state due to no stomach
41. Ask him why he’s a Draco Malfoy fanboy
42. Tell him he looks like he’s cosplaying as said wizard
43. Lock him in a room with Shikamaru and a blunt object
44. Record the loud cursing and cracks from the other side of the door
45. Use them as ringtones
46. Ask him to paint your nails until he cracks
47. Set up a swear jar
48. Give Kakuzu the profits
49. Ask him when he and Kakuzu will get married
50. Lock him in a closet with a drunk Kakuzu or Itachi
How to noy the akatsuki volume 1.
DEIDARA
1. While hes sleeping braid his hair
2. after your done braiding hios hair take hes clothes and replace them with a dorthy from the wizard of oz costume
3. when he asks you why you did that to him tell him it was sasori then comment how short the dress is on him
4. steal the victorias secrete membership card outa konans purs(or wereever she keps it) and ask deidara why he has one. then ask him what he bought
5. sing the song "i feel pretty" but relpace "i" wih "deidara"
6. ask him how his night went after he comes back from a over night mission with sasori
7. ask him if hes ever had a splinter. then ask him were and how he got it
8. ask him if he wants kids. either answer tll him youd think hed be a good mom
9. ask him if his hands talk
10. ask him if he named his hands
11. ask him if his hands can eat stuff, if yes ask him what, if no ask him why
12. give tobi a day off and follow him around and scream "SENPAI!!" when he last expects it
13. in his sleep give him a "dein" make over.... that will raise his pay xD
14. ask him what his gender is, dodge flying objects
15. play a game of "extreme deidara's room makeover" and paint the walls rainbow, bonus if you put sasodei fanficts all over
16. ask him how his relationship with sasori is doing
17. then tell him he needs to go to the next level
18. sneek up behind the couch while dei and any other member are sitting their- -lean in close through the space between them and ask how is their ex, dodge punches
19. ask him how well his hands are at kissing, if he answers then you know what hes training....
20. while hes sleeping give him a emo make over, when he come out next morning screach and yell "NOOO THE SASUKE GERMS ARE IN THE AIR!! DAMN YOU UCHIHA!!!!!"
21. make him a cup of lemonaid with a lime on the side,tell him it was from sasori
22. tell deidara that pein dosent need another crossdresser and to get out,if he believes you stop him at the last minuet and tell him orochimaru's death notice just came and the position is open agaim
23. tell him tobi's a good boy untill he pulls out his hair
24. tell him you want his pony tail,when he says no in his sleep cut it off and throw the strains of hair around the room
Pain
1. Wave a magnet in his face
2. Ask if he uses all his bodies for an orgy
3. Tell him his eyes are creepy and the Sharingan looks way cooler
4. Call him Yondaime
5. Pretend you believe him to be a shadow
6. Ask if any other shadows can talk, or if he’s just magical
7. Tell him one of his bodies looks like a girl
8. Tell him Zetsu’s hitting on Konan
9. Ask what kind of parents name their kid “Pein” (It means the same thing in Japanese as pain)
10. Tell him it’s really lame how all his bodies have the same name, and that as an evil mastermind he should have more creativity.
11. Point out that his eyes look like targets
12. Try to hit them when training with kunai
13. Ask if he needs a hug
14. Tell him his god-complex is just lame and will get him killed
15. Show him Death Note as proof
16. Ask WHY he wants to even take over the world
17. Follow him around constantly
18. If he asks what you’re doing, say you’re playing “Follow the Leader”
19. Get Tobi to join
20. Point out that the members of his organization keep getting beaten up by children
21. Ask who the hell came up with the cloak design anyway. I mean, it’s pretty damn obvious that they’re members of a “secret” organization with that uniform
22. Point out that everyone already knows about their “secret” organization, and everyone in it
23. Show him all the stories where he’s paired with OCs
24. Ask where the hell he found the giant statue where you store Jinchuriki, and what he’s going to use now that it’s been destroyed
25. Point out that it’s pretty obvious where the hideout is, considering the fact that it has a gateway that’s obviously been sealed with a boulder, and has a tag on it
26. Ask about his relationship with Konan
27. Feed Tobi sugar. Lots of it.
28. Switch around the piercings on his spare bodies when he’s asleep
29. Use his larger piercings as a mirror when you do your hair
30. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Pain
31. Suggest he get a corset piercing
32. Point out that he’s pretty much running a dating service
33. Ask if his bodies ever get into fights
34. Ask if he has six bodies because his ego is too big for one
35. Buy him hoop or diamond earrings
36. Insist that he wear them
37. Tell him Konan’s pregnant with his child
38. Tell him that he made Naruto sad by killing Jiraiya
39. When he says he doesn’t care, yell “What? He’s your son!”
40. For best results, do this in front of the whole Akatsuki
41. Point out that it must be really gross when he takes his piercings out, due to all the holes in his face
42. Tell him splitting his soul into six pieces is totally stealing Voldemort’s idea
43. As is using special powers to take over the world
44. Ask if he has some kind of nail polish fetish and that’s why he makes everyone wear it
45. Accuse him of having a crush on Jiraiya
46. Eat all his food
47. Tell him shadows can’t eat anyway
48. Ask if he’s really fat and uses the cloak to disguise his weight
49. Ask if someone slept with more than one of his bodies, if it would be cheating
50. Put a sign on his ass that says “Konan owns this”. Or better yet “Zetsu owns this”
Hidan
1. Tell him Jesus loves him. Constantly
2. Call his god “Jasmin”
3. Ask where he got the purple contacts
4. Start one of those jars where a person has to put in a nickel every time they curse
5. Have Kakuzu monitor the jar (you know he will ^^)
6. Ask if you can borrow his necklace
7. Write “____ was here” on his scythe
8. Blame Deidara for it
9. Send him sex notes
10. Say they’re from Zetsu
11. Tell him he takes being emo to the extreme
12. Dress up as an emo and greet him as your brethren
13. Suggest that the two of you cut your wrists together
14. Laugh when his head gets cut off
15. Ask why the hell he’s so annoying
16. Pat his shoulder and say “It’s okay to be gay”
17. Tie him down and pierce his bellybutton
18. Steal his hair gel
19. Shave his head
20. Buy him the Bible for his birthday
21. Show him KakuHidan
22. Show him HidanSaku
23. Put disturbing pictures of Kakuzu up in his room
24. Ask when the two of them are getting married
25. Try to talk to him about your guy problems
26. Take him shopping with you
27. Ask why he doesn’t EVER wear a shirt
28. If he doesn’t give a satisfactory answer, accuse him of being a whore
29. If he DOES give a satisfactory answer, accuse him of that anyway
30. Take him to a Naruto convention
31. Watch the fans maul him
32. Hire a priest to bless his room
33. Take him to get baptized
34. Steal his necklace
35. Use him as a pin-cushion
36. Demand that he show you how to paint your nails
37. Every time he walks into a room, play “My Immortal”
38. Every time he starts fighting, play “I’m a Survivor”
39. Ask about his past (I am of course assuming it’s tragic)
40. Offer him membership in the “helpless girly uke” club
41. Dye his hair pink
42. Tell him it looks better that way, anyway
43. Ask why he goes all “glow in the dark”
44. Steal his cloak
45. Paint little crosses on it
46. Learn a jutsu that will make him mute
47. Teach it to Kakuzu as well
48. Ask what he uses to keep such an even complexion
49. Steal his scythe
50. Cut your lawn with it
Sas-gay
1. Tell him Itachi is the smex
2. Ask WHY his hair looks like a chicken’s ass
3. Ask if he thinks anyone really believes that it’s natural
4. Show him ItaSasu
5. Tape him destroying your computer because of it
6. Sue him for it
7. Do a REALLY crappy Sharingan imitation
8. Tell him the Uchiha symbol looks like a Pokemon ball
9. Tell him the Uchiha symbol looks like a ping pong paddle
10. Sing “Sasuke and Naruto sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
11. If he protests, show him the episode where they DO kiss
12. Ask if he’s sad because his brother is stronger, sexier, NICER, and all around better than he is
13. Whenever he walks into a room, play the “Emo Kid” song
14. Ask if he cuts himself under the bandages on his arm
15. If he shows you his arm, claim the only reason there aren’t cutting scars is because he uses genjutsu
16. Give his fangirls the key to his house
17. Spike all his food with Viagra
18. Tell him Sakura’s pregnant with his baby
19.Tell him NARUTO is pregnant with his baby
20. Ask why he agreed to be Orochimaru’s sex toy
21. If he tells you he is NOT a sex toy, play all the clips where Oro says “I want Sasuke’s body”
22. Call his curse mark the “Super Special Love Hickey of DOOM!”
23. Buy a bunch of Itachi plushies
24. Hide them all over his house
25. Put posters on his wall of Kakashi in very sexy positions
26. Dump Ramen on his head
27. Blame Naruto
28. Paint his house pink
29. Knock him out with tranquilizers
30. Give him extensions so he’ll look like Itachi
31. Draw lines under his eyes when he’s asleep
32. Leave messages on his phone like “OMG SASUKE!!! I LOOOOOOVE YOU!”
33. Tell him he’s currently the most hated Naruto character. Ever.
34. Ask why he won’t just admit he’s gay
35. Set him up on a blind date
36. With NARUTO
37. Tye-dye his clothes
38. Replace his shoes with hooker boots
39. Whenever he looks at you, burst into tears
40. When he starts avoiding you because of this, burst into tears
41. Build a shrine to Itachi in his room
42. Buy a shirt that says “SasuNaru Forever!”
43. Wear it every day
44. Give him one too
45. Ask if the fact that he can spit fire comes from his bad breath
46. Tell him he needs to learn how to accessorize and that Itachi would be happy to teach him
47. Tell Kakashi he needs “the talk” given to him
48. Tell GAI he needs “the talk” given to him
49. Ask loudly if you can see his nipple ring
50. Dress up as Deidara’s ghost and haunt him
Sasori
1. Refer to him as your "sex puppet"
2. Suggest that Deidara calling him "master" might not be as innocent as everyone thinks
3. Show him fanfiction
4. Record his reaction
5. Flick him constantly
6. If he asks you to stop, tell him he shouldn't care since he can't feel it anyway
7. Tell him his parents finally came home to Suna right after he left
8. Point out that all the red heads in Naruto are screwed
9. Laugh at him for being beat up by an old hag and a sixteen year old
10. Ask if he kept his "vital organs" when he turned himself into a puppet
11. If he refuses to answer, assume that means no
12. Ask him if that makes it difficult for Deidara when they're being intimate
13. Ask if he'll put on a puppet show for you
14. Take Deidara's clay and blow up his puppets
15. Blame Deidara
16. If he tries to talk to you, make loud beeping sounds
17. Inform him he needs counseling
18. Ask why the hell he keeps his heart in a pringles container
19. Ask him to paint your nails for you
20. Graffiti him when he's asleep
21. Tell him if he was human, he'd have felt it and woken up
22. Bug him constantly to find out his age
23. When he finally tells you, wrinkle your nose and say "Eww, you're old"
24. Use the blades on his back to trim your hair
25. Use the same blades to cut grass
26. Take off his arm and run away with it
27. Buy a lot of Sasodei doujinshi
28. Leave them scattered around the headquarters for everyone to see
29. Make sure he can't eat, then eat a huge cake in front of him
30. Be sure to tell him constantly about how DELICIOUS this cake is
32. Ask him if he's emo
33. Ask if he's good at the robot
34. Sign him up for breakdancing classes
35. Tell him it was an order from Pein
36. Ask why he travels in such an ugly puppet
37. Accuse him of using his chakra strings to control people for...personal things
38. When he reminds you he couldn't feel it even if he did make people do that, look confused and ask why the hell he does it then
39. Unwind the cord in his stomach all the way and tie it around a tree
40. Play jumprope with it
41. Steal his puppet scrolls
42. Replace them with scrolls that would summon bowls of jello
43. Ask why his ring symbol is "the virgin" and if that has any hints about personal life
44. Tell him he's like Trix cereal, way too fruity
45. When he asks what you mean by that, respond "Your mom!"
46. Draw pictures of him paired with just about anyone in the series
47. Have an "emotionless bastard" contest between him and Itachi Uchiha
48. Use the tip of Hiruko's tail to pick your nails
49. Tell the rest of the Akatsuki that tomorrow's his birthday and insist you celebrate it
50. Show him this list
Daidara
1. Tell him Sasori loves him
2. Ask if it’s fun to be Uke
3. Take his clay
4. Replace it with Play-Doh
5. Steal his eye-scope
6. Paint it pink
7. Show him SasoDei
8. Show him ItaDei
9. Wink and tell him you know of a “good use” for the mouths on his hands
10. Say “un” at the end of your sentences to mock him
11. Run around yelling “I win! My art wins!” (he says this TWICE in his battle with Sasuke)
12. Ask if he’s depressed
13. Compare him to Iraqi suicide bombers
14. Tell him his sculptures suck
15. Steal Itachi’s mascara and put it in his room
16. Inform him that black nail polish is soooo last year
17. Offer him speech therapy
18. Tell him Gaara has a crush on him
19. Go up to him and say “Excuse me miss, but I-oh! Hey Deidara!”
20. Keep emphasizing how EASILY Itachi beat him
21. Side with Sasori in all of their arguments
22. Call him Dei-chan
23. Tell him art is boring
24. Every time he says “art is a bang”, yell “NO IT’S NOT!”
25. Tell him you saw his shirt at Limited Too
26. Set fangirls on him
27. When he walks into a room, play “Boom Boom”
28. When he walks into a room play “Dude Looks Like a Lady”
29. When he walks into a room play “Barbie Girl”
30. Volunteer him to be a porn star
31. Ask about his past (I’m assuming it’s tragic)
32. Tell him he has his wedding ring on the wrong finger
33. Print a bunch of X-rated SasoDei pics
34. Show them to everyone
35. Say you got them from Tobi
36. Steal some of his sculptures
37. Detonate them under his pillow at night
38. Dye his hair pink
39. Blame it on Sasori
40. Tell people you’re pregnant with his kid
41. Tell people he’s your bitch
42. If he protests, cry
43. Knock on his door when he’s asleep
44. When he asks why you’re there, say you just wanted to see if he’d answer it
45. Hug him constantly
46. Volunteer him to be a spokesperson at the Rape Victim Center
47. Cut off his hair to donate to cancer patients
48. Steal all his ponytail ties
49. Comment on everything he does
50. Get him a giftcard for Macy’s
Zetsu
1. Tell him he should see a therapist about his split personality disorder
2. Ask how he gets his shirt on over the flytrap on his head
3. Buy him plant food
4. When he asks what the hell that’s for, tell him he can’t get vitamins from eating people
5. Accuse him of stealing some of the bodies Sasori wanted to make into puppets
6. Show him ZetsuTobi
7. Ask if watching cross pollination is like porn to him
8. Put ZetsuKisa posters up around the lair
9. Tell everyone it was his idea
10. Ask if he can talk to plants
11. Call him a flower child
12. Set fire to his plants
13. Blame it on Hidan
14. Ask if he’s a clown
15. Hire him to entertain at birthday parties (warning: this will NOT go well)
16. Tell him he’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
17. Convince Kakuzu it’d be cheaper to use him as a Christmas tree
18. Threaten him with gardening tools
19. Spray him with Weed Killer
20. Ask what species his parents were
21. Set him up on a blind date
22. With a tree
23. Ask if you can make a porn video with him and Deidara
24. Ask if he’s really a cannibal, since he’s only half human
25. Paint pink flowers on him when he’s asleep
26. Ask if he pollinates
27. Ask to see his “stamen”
28. Tell him he’s fat and should lay off the heavy people
29. Ask why his ring is the pig
30. Buy a really girly diary
31. Write stuff in it like “OMG, Deidara is sooooo hot!” and “Kakuzu makes me horny.”
32. Claim that it’s his
33. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Maneater”
34. Ask if he can fertilize himself
35. Stop to smell him in the hallway
36. Poke him constantly
37. Tell him he can’t have dessert until he finishes his veggies
38. Tell him to stop talking to himself
39. Even when he’s talking to you
40. Ask if he’s partnerless because they’re worried he’ll eat somebody
41. Offer him flies as a present
42. Ask if he likes his arms “rare” or “well done”
43. Show him all the fanfics about him and OCs
44. Chase him around with shears
45. Tell him that he’s wearing the worst Halloween costume ever
46. Ask if his green hair is actually a fungus
47. Tell him he uses way too much make up
48. Bring him to a meeting of the National Society of Vegetarians
49. Ask where he got the gold contacts
