14. Mess up his hair and ask him why he overslept
15. Yell, "damn!" for no reason then when he asks you what happened, then say, "nothing..." with shifty eyes
16. Say random things
17. Poke him at random times
18. Keep pretending to throw shurikens or kunais at him (but don't!) and tell him that you thought you heard something past him
19. Ask him if you can use him and his brother in your disfunuctional family class
20. Ask him if you can use him as a pratice dummy for fighting
21. Ask him if he can be your disection project
22. When he's spying on Naruto tell everyone where he's hiding
23. Ask him where he got his contacts and ask how much they cost
24. Keep changing your accent when talking
25. Ask him if he'll kill your family for you, when he says, "no" then ask him, "Why! You killed your's and this time, make SURE that you get the brother..."
26. Pratice random jutsu's on him when he's least expecting it and tell him your just checking his reflexes
27. Blame him for everything that happens (like the rain)
28. Say he's not specail and you've also got the Sharingan, its just that your wearing contacts
29. Ask him for different ways to piss him off and don't stop until he helps you
30. Try to smuggle out his feelings for Sasuke--
31.--when (again if!) you do tell Sasuke--
32.--tell everyone--
33.--tell everyone that HE knows for that matter
34. Ask him about that sleepover that inculded cell 7
35. Yell, "SHUT UP!" at him when he's not talking
36. Scream 'Mistakes,' 'Boulvard of Broken Dreams,' 'Silver and Cold,' and 'My U.S. of Whatever' when he starts talking at the top of your lungs
37. Scream, then say that you thought you saw the nine-tail fox again
38. Ask him if you can borrow his cloak
39. Tell him that the cloak doesn't match his eyes and make a huge fuss about it
40. When Orochimaru walks by, hug Itachi and yell, "He's MINE!"
41. Keep asking, "watcha doin?"
42. When he fights Sasuke, cheer Sasuke on
43. Say, "Itachi has a heart of gold... if you understand him"
44. Go through mood swings for no reason
45. Tell him, you saw him taking ballet lessons a few days ago.
46. When Kisame is gone say you're having shark fin soup
47. Buy him a Sasuke pin cushion (a.k.a. voodoo doll) and needles for Christmas (or Hunakah for those Jewish people)
48. Tell him he broke a nail... again
49. When he cooks something ask him if its still alive
50. Ask him if he's a virgin--
51. --ask him why
52. Keep rambling on about something.
53. Steal his headband
54. Ask him how he scratched his headband
55. Try and get 'Butterfly' stuck in his head
56. Ask Itachi, "Why do you get a konoha symbol on your headband and Kisame gets these four lines?"
57. Scream at the top of your lungs and say you saw an ant
58. Ask him if he works with Satan
59. Sing 'Dream a Dream' over and over again
60. Start a rumor about him and Sakura
Kasame
1. Take him to the aquarium
2. Say you saw his mother there
3. Eat sushi in front of him. Loudly and voiolently.
4. Get sick, cough on him until he catches a cold
5. Feed him shark fin soup *while he's too sick to smell it*
6. Tell him Itachi's leaving him for Tobi
7. Ask if he and Itachi wear matching nailpolish because they're lovers
8. Show him KisaIta
9. Ask if he's REALLY seme
10. Say his sword looks like a giant tampon
11. Ask what the POINT is of wrapping up his blade
12. Ask if his sword is so ridiculously huge because he's compensating for something
13. When he walks into the room, play "Jaws"
14. When he walks into the room, play "I'm Blue"
15. Take him to a gay bar
16. Say he needs help. Big time.
17. Offer him some Prozac
18. Show him ZetsuKisa
19. Record his reaction and show the tape to Zetsu
20. Make pervy allusions to his "sword"
21. Spike his and Itachi's food with Viagra
22. Buy a weasel plush toy and say you found it in his room
23. Accuse him of bathing in blue Kool-aid
24. Tell him Itachi has wet dreams about him
25. Show him the fight scene against Gai over and over and over and over.....
26. Informed him that Gai PWNED him!
27. Ask if you can peirce his ears
28. If he says no, drug him and do it anyway
29. Ask if he's a cirgin
30. No matter what his answer is, laugh
31. Blame him for stealing Itachi's/Deidara's hairties
32. Ask what his goal in life is
33. Laugh and tell him it's stupid. If he doesn't HAVE a goal, tell him his existence is meaningless.
34. Say you saw him on Animal Planet
35. Attempt to release him into the sea
36. Call him "fishy-chan"
37. Buy ALL the Rainbow Fish books
38. Put them in his room
39. Insist that he read them to you
40. Make sexual references to his "fish stick"
41. Hug him and tell him he's beautiful
42. Hold his hand
43. Say it's to make Itachi jealous
44. Tell him you're pregnant with his child
45. Tell him ITACHI is pregnant with his child
46. Glomp him randomly, then run away
47. Dye his cloak pink
48. Steal his ring
49. Ask if his skin is tattooed
50. Don't believe whatever answer he gives.
Iruka
1. Say he used to be emo, and he got his scar during one of his phases
2. Give all the kids in his class caffeine
3. And kunai
4. Ask loudly and in front of a lot of people if parents are really okay with his life as a prostitute
5. Call him “dolphin-chan”
6. Slip love notes from Gai into his desk
7. Buy lots and lots of KakaIru doujinshi
8. Replace the textbooks with them
9. Question his sexuality. Constantly.
10. Set him up on a date with Anko
11. Sneak Icha Icha into his back pocket
12. Ask why he’s teaching children when he’s weaker than some of the twelve year olds on the show
13. Inform all the parents in the class that he impregnated you and abandoned you
14. Ask how it feels to know that Naruto doesn’t like him as much as Jiraiya or Kakashi
15. Steal his Ramen
16. Tell him Naruto was killed
17. Ask if he’s related to Kisame
18. Make sexual references to his “little dolphin” (me: typing this one made me blush)
19. Convince Naruto he’s secretly part of the Akatsuki
20. Ask loudly if he’s ALWAYS uke, or if those are just the stories that get written down.
21. Whenever he walks into a room, play “My Heat Will Go On” (for those of you who don’t know, this is the theme song for Titanic)
22. Ask if you can confide in him “girl-to-girl”
23. Stalk him and take pictures of him in the shower
24. Paste them to the chalk board
25. Force him to go shopping with you
26. Drag him into Victoria’s Secret
27. Tell him he can’t leave until he tries at least one thing on
28. Remind him about Mizuki. Constantly.
29. Accuse him of molesting his students
30. When he denies it, look him in the eye defiantly and ask how the HELL Sasuke got so screwed up then
31. Ask why he doesn’t do anything useful and needs a twelve year old boy to protect him
32. Put all the reports in the Mission room out of order
33. During his shift
34. Steal all his hair ties
35. Blame Naruto
36. Ask why there’s an ugly gash on his face
37. Tell him he’d make a hot girl
38. Then walk away
39. TP his classroom
40. Blame Kakashi
41. Ask why he bothers with the crappy fake tan
42. Flirt with him in front of his students
43. When he turns you down, ask if it’s because he’s gay
44. Ask why he’s so boring
45. Shave his head
46. Tell Kakashi he’s in love with him
47. Tell GAI he’s in love with him
48. Ask if he’s pregnant
49. Tell him his femininity was the inspiration for Naruto’s sexy jutsu
50. Mix Sake in with his Ramen
Kiba
1. Every time he scratches, suggest that he take a flea bath
2. Or a regular bath even. Just something.
3. Remind him that bestiality is a crime, and it’s kind of strange to have a dog as your life partner
4. Remind him that dogs live shorter lives than people
5. Ask why he doesn’t just admit that he’s hot for Shino already
6. Tell the medi-nins that he has rabies
7. Tell people that he sniffs butts as a greeting
8. Tell him Kurenai’s baby is actually his
9. Tell ASUMA that Kurenai’s baby is actually Kiba’s
10. Every time he sits down, tell him to get off the furniture
11. Tie Akamaru up
12. Then hang him from a rope and use him as a piñata
13. Ask if his long nails cause any problems during his “alone time”
14. Tell all the academy students he has a tail
15. Film them trying to pull his pants down
16. Keep going on and on about how lame it was he was defeated because Naruto FARTED
17. Strip him naked and drop him off at an anime convention
18. Ask if his eyes are contacts
19. Ask why he wears pants that are too short for him
20. Tell him if he had any balls at all he’d just ask Hinata out already
21. Put up lost dog posters with his picture on them
22. Make sure these posters identify him as a bitch
23. Dress up Akamaru in a tutu
24. Get him a dog-carrying purse
25. Insist he use it
26. If he refuses, cry until he does
27. Point out that he’s got less kissing experience than NARUTO
28. Whenever he tries to go to a restaurant, tell him they have a no pets policy
29. Attempt to feed him kibble
30. Tell him his dog has more fan girls than he does
31. Vote him head of PETA
32. Ask why he wears that raggedy old sweatshirt all the time
33. Especially when it’s hot out
34. Replay scenes of his fight with Sakon over and over
35. Put naked pictures of Gai-sensei all over his wall (note: this is more than annoyance, this is torture)
36. Ask how the hell he plans to fight when his dog dies, seeing as all his attacks rely on him
37. Use the squirt bottle on him when he does something bad
38. Explain in a stage whisper that he’s yet to be potty trained
39. Suggest he see a dentist about those “fangs”
40. Accuse him of being emo when he stabbed himself to defeat Sakon
41. When he objects, say “You’re right. Emos don’t take it that far.”
42. Ask if you can pet him
43. Call his mom a bitch
44. Replace his bed with a kennel
45. Ask why he always sounds constipated (he really does!)
46. Ask if he talks so big to compensate for something
47. Ask when the hell he’s going to die already
48. Ask Tsunade to fix him
49. Videotape it
50. Show the tape to his team
Lee
1. Get him an eyebrow waxing kit
2. Go on and on about how awesome Neji is
3. Make sexual references to his “hidden lotus”
4. Ask if the Primary Lotus attack is just an excuse to grope people
5. Don’t believe him when he denies it
6. Tell him Sakura has agreed to marry Sasuke
7. Steal his jumpsuit (note: he probably has extras in his closet, so steal those too)
8. Tie him up so he can’t escape
9. Eat curry in front of him (while he’s tied up)
10. Glomp him, then tell him you prefer Neji
11. Sing “Gai and Lee sitting in a tree…”
12. Ask why he doesn’t just admit his love for Gai already, since everyone else already knows
13. Lock Gai in the closet
14. Taunt Lee that he’ll NEVER find him
15. Play Gaara vs Lee over and over and over…
16. When he mentions Gai, put your hand on his shoulder comfortingly and say “He raped you, didn’t he?”
17. Whenever he walks into a room play “Kung Fu Fighting”
18. Whenever he walks into a room play “Dancing Queen”
19. Hire Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear to come see him
20. Ask if he cuts himself under the bandages on his arms
21. If he denies it, ask where the hell all those scars came from then
22. When he tells you it’s from training, respond that you don’t need to train to commit suicide
23. Show a video of him being drunk at an Alcohol Awareness convention
24. Sign him up for Alcoholics Anonymous
25. Ask if he can really see past those eyebrows
26. Tell him Gai died
27. Tell him TenTen is pregnant with his child
28. Tell him Sakura is pregnant with SASUKE’S child
29. Make sexual references to “Dynamic Entry”
30. Laugh whenever he tries to say something
31. Knock him out with his weights
32. Ask why the hell he cries so much
33. Drug him with tranquilizers
34. Give him a Mohawk in his sleep
35. Sign him up for a toothpaste commercial
36. Show him GaiXLee
37. Show him LeeXGaara
38. Put explicit doujinshi involving him and Gai on posters
39. Hang them around town
40. And on the Hokage monument
41. Tell him Neji did it
42. Tell him green is SOOOO last year
43. Lock him in a room with Naruto
44. Ask why he has the Beatle’s haircut
45. Get him those round pink glasses that hippies wear
46. Tell him they’re from Gai
47. Ask why, in the brief fight with Deidara, his WHOLE TEAM couldn’t take down one man…WITHOUT ARMS
48. Tell him you have erotic dreams about him, then walk away
49. Tell him NEJI has erotic dreams about him
50. Ask what’s so great about youth anyway
100 Ways To Piss Off The Akatsuki
1. Throw Sasori’s puppets in the fireplace and claim that you couldn’t find any firewood.
2. Ask Deidara when the baby’s due.
3. Talk in third person like Tobi and when someone questions you about it, speak normal and deny it ever happened.
4. Put speakers in all the air vents that lead to the members’ rooms and play the Barney theme song over and over.
5. Stare at the wall during an Akatsuki meeting. At the last five minutes of the meeting, state loudly to Pein, Madara, or whoever is speaking that you weren’t paying attention and that they need to repeat the whole thing.
6. Go up to Deidara in front of the entire Akatsuki and demand loudly why you found your underwear under his pillow.