7. Start singing “Dude Looks Like A Lady” every time Deidara walks in the room.
8. Make fake charms and hang them all around the base. Claim that they keep the aliens away. Whenever one of the Akatsuki members says that aliens don’t exist, run away screaming, “YOU’RE ONE OF THEM!!”
9. Whenever an Akatsuki member tells you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
10. Replace Deidara’s clay with regular play-dough.
11. Paint Hidan’s room pink and cover it with fairy stickers. Pay for it with Kakuzu’s money.
12. Walk around wearing 3-D glasses and scream every time one of the Akatsuki reaches out towards you.
13. Give Hidan the nickname ‘fuzz bag’.
14. Pour clear liquid soap all over the hallway leading to the kitchen or dining area.
15. Tell Deidara that Hidan said he was gay. Tell Hidan that Deidara said he was a pansy. See which one attacks the other first.
16. Ask Zetsu if he has any weed killer and/or a weed hacker.
17. Write ‘Sasuke wuz here’ on their faces when they’re asleep.
18. Put laxatives in all their food.
19. When Kisame’s drunk, tell him that Itachi has more sake and ‘accidentally’ lock the door when he confronts Itachi in his room.
20. Walk up to Hidan in front of the entire Akatsuki with you toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and thank him for letting you use his toothbrush.
21. Ask Kakuzu if you can take a picture of him to practice throwing kunai at a target.
22. Run across the room and hit Itachi on the back of his head and blame it on Tourette’s.
23. Put on a Kakuzu-style mask and claim that you’re allergic to idiots. Sneeze loudly whenever you come around one of the Akatsuki members you don’t like.
24. Take out the screws in Pein’s chair before a meeting and see what happens.
25. Put a thong and a bra in Konan’s room and congratulate her on getting laid.
26. Interrupt an important meeting and drag Pein out to come watch paint dry with you.
27. Stab Hidan in the back when he isn’t looking and say Tobi did it.
28. While Tobi runs away from Hidan, scream “Run, Forest, Run!”
29. Fling rubber bands at Madara when he isn’t looking.
30. Deflate a hidden whoopee cushion and then yell loudly, “Damn, Kisame!”
31. Open a brand new cup of instant ramen in front of Kakuzu, eat one noodle, and then throw it away. See what he does.
32. When all the Akatsuki are standing in a line, shove the one at the end of the line and watch the domino effect take place.
33. Break all the windows and tell Pein that birds did it.
34. Demand to know if the real reason Orochimaru was kicked out of Akatsuki was because of the pictures of Sasuke in his bedroom.
35. Tell Hidan you’re writing a book called How to Kill Someone Without Trying. Ask him how it feels to do that everyday with his face.
36. Yell loudly that you the know the real reason why Sasori keeps so many puppets in his room.
37. Fire Deidara’s clay in an oven and see if it blows up.
38. Shave you legs in the kitchen sink while they’re all eating.
39. Ask Kisame if his mother tried to eat him when he was a baby. When he looks confused or says no, say that you thought sharks ate their babies.
40. Yell loudly that you know Pein’s darkest secret. Threaten to tell the entire Akatsuki if he doesn’t do what you want.
41. Hold up a picture of yourself to Kakuzu and ask, “Have you seen this person?”
42. Have loud conversations with yourself in the middle of a meeting.
43. Put Hidan’s stuff in Deidara’s room and vice versa. See how long it takes them to figure it out.
44. Fill a cleaned-out empty bottle labeled ‘Sasori’s Poison No. 9’ with water and drink from it in front of the Akatsuki. Tell them that is gives a better kick than sake and ask if they want some.
45. Put spiders in Deidara’s bed before he goes to bed and see if he screams.
46. Superglue money to the floor in Kakuzu’s room. See how many times he tries to get it.
47. Freeze rocks in water bottles. Put them in random Akatsuki members’ bags.
48. Steal one of Sasori’s puppets and use ventriloquism to talk through it until Sasori notices.
49. When Pein states that he is Kami-sama, laugh and say that he tells the best jokes in the world.
50. Cry very loudly and when asked why you are crying, say you had a nightmare about Kisame’s face and it came true.
51. In front of all the Akatsuki members, loudly ask Itachi if you can borrow his makeup.
52. Steal Deidara’s scope and hide it in one of Sasori’s puppets.
53. While Sasori is away on a mission, tell Kakuzu that he gave you permission to sell the puppets in his room for money.
54. Bribe Kakuzu with a lot of money to kiss Hidan. If he does it, claim that you forgot you didn’t have any money. If he doesn’t do it, call him a pansy.
55. Tell Hidan that his God visited you in a dream and that Jashin-sama wants him to do your laundry.
56. Cut off Deidara’s ponytail and haul ass outta there.
57. When walking past Hidan, Pein, or Madara, randomly burst into laughter and then walk away like nothing happened.
58. Blow up all the toilets in the base and blame it on Deidara.
59. Set off all the fire safety sprinklers while the Akatsuki are asleep.
60. Blow an air horn in a megaphone and run like hell.
61. Hide Hidan’s rosary in a bible.
62. Smack Itachi in the face and claim there was a bug.
63. Whenever Itachi, Pein, or Madara gets pissed, giggle and say “Down, kitty.”
64. Whisper to Kakuzu in the middle of a meeting so that everyone notices but can’t hear. Demand that he whispers. When he whispers back, scream loudly, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR?!?”
65. While Kakuzu is counting his money, shout random numbers to make him lose his place.
66. Fill Pein’s room with hundreds of magnets and claim that you forgot his piercings were metal.
67. Exclaim loudly that Itachi’s kitten, Mr. Cuddlemuffin , is kawaii.
68. Ask Konan to make origami flowers. Superglue them to Zetsu’s Venus Flytrap shell.
69. Randomly burst into song and then walk away like nothing happened.
70. Ask Zetsu if he eats plants too since he’s a cannibal. If Zetsu says no, suddenly yell, “Oh yah! I forgot! Plants use photosynthesis!”
71. Give Hidan a sealed scroll filled with drawings of bunnies and say that Pein wants him to deliver it to Konoha and to leave immediately. Claim that Pein ordered him not to open it until he reached the Konoha boarder and see how long it takes him to come back.
72. Demand to know why you found signed copies of the Icha Icha series in Madara’s room.
73. Ask Pein if Jiraiya modeled the Icha Icha books after him since he was his student.
74. Give Konan blue baby clothes and say, “Congratulations. Pein said it was a boy,” and see what she does.
75. Skip around the base singing, “I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody’s Nerves” over and over.
76. Ask Pein if the buiji sealing statue is a model of his mother.
77. Exclaim loudly that you know what Deidara does with the mouths on his hands at night.
78. Whenever Deidara reaches out to you, run away screaming, “RAPE!!” When he insists that he wasn’t going to rape you, say that the mouth on his hand ‘looked at you wrong’.
79. Announce that you know why Pein has six bodies. When asked why, giggle and stay silent.
80. Ask Pein if he had to man-rape Yahiko to take over his body.
81. Buy Kisame a fish tank and ask if he thinks he could fit in it.
82. Ask Sasori if you can use his arm as a backscratcher.
83. Ask Sasori if he uses a floor buffer to keep himself shiny.
84. Tell Pein and/or Madara that Itachi sexually harassed you and see what they do.
85. Pour water on Zetsu’s head and say that he needs it to grow.
86. Give Zetsu Miracle Grow for his birthday.
87. Ask Itachi how his imaginary friend Bob is doing in front of the other Akatsuki members.
88. While standing behind Itachi, sing ‘Pop Goes The Weasel’ in a scary voice while fingering a kunai.
89. Throw a dead fish at Hidan and claim that Kisame’s cousin wanted to meet him.
90. Flood Kisame’s room and ask if it makes him feel closer to home.
91. Give Kisame a dead goldfish in a bag and claim that it’s his blind date.
92. Call Hidan a fatass and refuse to give him food, saying that starving for a few months to lose weight won’t kill him…literally.
93. Tell Sasori that the grape juice he kept in the vials beside his puppets tasted good.
94. Makes outrageous bets with Kakuzu during a card game and cheat so that he sees it. When he protests, claim that you didn’t say you would play fair and demand the money.
95. Ask Deidara whether he is a boy or a girl. When he answers, say “Damn. Guess I owe Sasori fifty yen.”
96. Whenever Hidan starts screaming about Jashin-sama, ask if he took his happy pills.
97. Yell loudly for Madara to stop stalking you and hiding in your closet.
98. Hold up a phone and yell loudly to Itachi that Sasuke wants his virginity back in front of the entire Akatsuki.
99. Tell Konan that you saw Tobi sneaking into her room with a pair of scissors and see what she does.
100. Play with the air conditioning controls so that it’s freezing cold in some of the Akatsuki members’ rooms and boiling in others.
Neji
1. Inform him that “Rock Lee is the smex”
2. Show him NejiHina
3. Claim you are his long lost cousin
4. If he asks for proof, do a really crappy Byakugan imitation
5. Point at him and ask “what’s with the blind chick?”
6. Ask why there’s a swastika on his forehead
7. Tell him Ten Ten is pregnant with his child
8. Tell him LEE is pregnant with his child
9. Inform Ten Ten/Lee that he uses Byakugan on them ALL THE TIME
10. Inform GAI he uses Byakugan on him all the time
11. Videotape them beating him up
12. Steal all his clothes, leaving nothing in his closet but green spandex
13. Give him a 5000 item list as to why the Sharingan is so much better than Byakugan
14. Tell Lee he’s a girl
15. When he gets angry say “Oh, looks like somebody’s PMSing!”
16. Whenever he’s fighting play “Macarena”
17. When he’s fighting play “Safety Dance”
18. Bang his head on the wall
19. If he asks what you’re doing, say it’s destiny
20. Sing “Dancing Queen” whenever he enters a room
21. Get Lee drunk
22. Lock the two of them in a closet (preferably when Lee’s still drunk)
23. When he activates his byakugan act all creeped out by the veins popping out of his head
24. Show everyone the LeeXNeji piggyback scene
25. Introduce him to FanFiction
26. Tell Ten Ten of his undying love for her
27. Tell GAI of his undying love
28. Follow him around all day
29. Proclaim he is most youthful whenever he tries to talk to anybody
30. Force him to kiss you
31. Take pictures of the event
32. Ask him why he doesn’t just admit he’s gay
33. Steal his shirt to make sure he’s not a girl
34. Paint his room pink
35. Tell him his haircut is a hippie cut
36. Suggest he get a bowl cut instead
37. Tell Gai he needs “The Birds and the Bees” explained to him
38. Dye his hair green when he’s asleep
39. Dress up as his dead father
40. Use his curse mark as a target for dart practice
41. For his birthday, buy him a Victoria Secret giftcard
42. Loudly ask him if you can borrow a tampon
43. Ask where he got his purse (Shippuden)
44. Mispronounce his name
45. Yell loudly and randomly “Neji, stop raping me!”
46. Tell Shikamaru to use shadow possesion and make him sing the Barbie girl song in a karaoke bar
47. Hug him and tell him not to worry because he’s beautiful
48. Put posters of Lee all over his room
49. Replace his hair ties with pink ribbons
50. Ask why his attacks consist of just poking people
Itach
1. Tell him that Kisame loves him
2. Tell him he’s a pretty lady
3. Accuse him of being a child molester like Orochimaru
4. Poke him repeatedly
5. Say Itachi over and over and see how long it takes for him to get mad
6. Pull on his hair
7. Say, “like, oh my god, I love your hair!”
8. Act like a fangirl and chase him down
9. bounce on him
10. Repeat #4
11. Throw water balloons at him
12. Tell him Sasuke’s dead then have him sneak up on him
13. Sic Zetsu on him
14. cling to his head, chibi, saying “I wuv you, Itachi-san!”
15. repeat 4, 5, and 14 in that order and see how long it takes before he kills you
16. Tell him he missed one (if you don’t know what that means, you haven’t been reading the manga)
17. Tell him his parents are still alive
18. Lock him in a closet with Tobi and come back in a week
19. sing “I’m a barbie girl”
20. repeat all 19, then make up your own
Zetu
1:Spray him with weed killer.
2:Ask if his mom was a venus fly trap.
3:Burn him.
4:Talk to both halves at the same time.
5:Plant him.
6:Turn him into a christmas tree.
7:Play the song cannible.
8:Feed him fertilizer and see if flowers spurt out of his plant jaws.
9:If they do take a picture, put it on the internet, and tell everyone he's girly.
10:Call him salt and pepper.
11:See if woodpeckers make nests in him.
12:See if a dog will chase a cat up him.
13:If you succeed in any of this laugh at his face.
14:If he tries to eat you scream rape.
Sas-gay
1. Ask him why he looks like an ugly chick when he goes 2nd cursemark
2. Give love notes to Sakura, Ino and Karin saying they’re from him
3. Replace his boxers with pink thongs
4. Ask him why his hair looks like a decapitated crow glued to his head
5. Throw pigeon feed at his head
6. Make birdcalls around him.
7. When he turns around to yell tell him Big Bird wants his phone number
8. Ask him where he gets the faux nails.
9. Have a random dog lick his feet when he’s sleeping
10. He’ll wake up screaming, thinking it’s Orochimaru
11. Make fun of him because the last syllable of his name sounds like ‘gay’
12. Make fun of him because it’s spelled ‘uke’
13. When the Chia Pet commercials come on, sing ‘U-U-Uchiha!’
14. Ask him if Sai’s his half brother
15. Ask him why he wants to be a man whore
16. When he says no then ask him how he’s gonna restore his clan
17. Tell him at this rate he’ll restore said clan when he’s in his 80s
18. Hang dead snakes every square inch of his house
19. Put Oro in a thong w/out trying to puke and put him on Sasuke’s bed
20. Tape Sasuke screaming like a girl
21. Ask him why he has such obnoxious fangirls in the Anime
22. Introduce him to any obnoxious fangirls in other Anime and at Cosplay Conventions
23. Stuff cookies down his throat and force him to like sweets
24. Tell him Itachi’s smexier in comparison.
25. When he pouts about it point out that Itachi’s a few dozen people ahead of him in the ‘Restore the Clan’ department
26. Ask him if he liked kissing Naruto
27. Give him a makeover in his sleep
28. For said makeover use either Sharpie or clown makeup
29. Replace his clothes with Sakura’s clothes
30. Sell his stuff on eBay and get rich of his fangirls’ obsession
31. Ask him why he’s Anime hopping
32. When he looks at you weird tell him the Uchiha symbol looks like one of Brock’s Pokèmon maracas
33. Fill his room with birds and watch as they shit on his stuff
34. Tell him he’s the ultimate uke
35. When he doesn’t believe you show him the 20+ Naruto Yaoi couples including him
36. Make sure most of the pics are OroSasu or ItaSasu
37. Watch him faint and foam at the mouth
38. Shout and point at him, hoping it’ll get the attention of rabid fangirls
39. During his fight with Deidara have a broken record player near
40. Have said record player play and repeat the quote ‘SasuDei forever ~!’
41. Ask him why he’s such an asstard
42. Offer to get Sakura to help him remove the stick up his ass
43. When he cries after killing Itachi, yell ‘We told you, you bastard!’ while beating him with a random fish
44. Make sure the fish is Kisame
45. Have Tobi tell him he’s a pretty girl
46. Make Tobi walk up to him and say ‘Sasuke, I am your father!’
47. Watch him spazz
47. Watch him spazz
49. Tell him it helps a lot after finding out all you know is a lie
50. Have random kitties attack his head
Neji
1. Hide his conditioner and shampoo, and replace it with brightly colored hair dye. I recommend bright pink.
2. Say "destiny" every time you see him. If he tells you to stop, simply inform him that you were destined to do this. It's just your destiny. You can't escape your destiny, Neji.
3. Ask Neji, very, very loudly, if he has a crush on Tenten. Make sure Tenten can hear you.
4. Cut his hair exactly the same as Lee and Gai's. Also, when he demands to know why, say it was destiny.
5. Introduce him to NejiLee.
6. Put pictures of Gai all over his room. The dorkier his poses, the better. When Neji yells at you, say, very loudly, "You know you love them!"
7. Hide every hairbrush he owns.
8. Keep "accidentally" calling him a girl. Alternatively, insist that he is a girl. When he protests, tell him to prove it.
9. Send him invites to join the Rock Lee fanclub. Constantly.
10. Make his hair even prettier with lots and lots of bows and flowers. Cry very loudly when he yells at you for it.
11. Grab hold of his arms and make him flap around, all the while yelling "FLY BIRDIE FLY!" until he hits you. Which should be very soon.
12. Dress exactly like him. Every day. And if he suddenly changes his outfit in desperation, change yours as well.
13. Call him at one in the morning to ask if he's asleep yet. Continue to do this each hour after that.
14. Tell everyone in Konoha that he sleeps with a teddy bear. And that he named it Tenten. ...Better yet, say he named it Lee.
15. Ask him if he wants to kiss Tenten. If he says he doesn't, tell everyone- Especially Tenten- That he hates her. If he says he does, run and get Tenten, saying "Neji-chan wants to tell you something, Tenten!" ...And if he doesn't tell her, you tell her. >D
16. Yell "8 TRIGRAMS, 128 PALMS!" and poke him repeatedly.
17. Pull his hair. Often. In fact, use it as a form of greeting.
18. Replace his clothes with green jumpsuits. Insist that it's "the latest thing".