[WARNING: POST IS LONG AND SOME PROFANITY IS USED]
Setting aside the last entry I made...
I went digging in the sister's room today to look for what she might use that lighter I found a couple of weeks ago for.
I did not like what I found.
It's worse than I had thought.
I won't go into details, since when I found it, I puked a little in my mouth. Just that information alone should tell you it wasn't pretty. But, if you're really curious, just PM me, and I'll tell ya. I mean, it's probably not as bad to be told about it, than it is to actually SEE it, right? ^^;;;
Either way, I have no respect left for my sister... any shred that I had remaining has now shriveled up and reduced itself to dust.
I was still getting over the initial shock of what I'd seen when I was cleaning the bathroom...
Wait, let me just start at the beginning.
I was awake at 6am this morning because, well, my brain just wouldn't turn off and let me sleep. So, I got up and hung out with my mom while she fixed her hair and got ready for work.
Yesterday was her birthday. And, it had been okay with her that I'd gone to the b/f's all day for his get-together. She had said, "It's just another day. It's alright." ALL she had wanted to do was stay at home and be lazy. That's it. That was how she wanted to spend her birthday, so it was okay if I wanted to do my own thing.
So, this morning, she's telling me that my sister had wanted to drag her to town for clothes shopping. This was AFTER my dad had insisted on cleaning the house. So, she didn't get to be lazy or stay home.
I came home last night and there was a little out-of-a-box cake she'd made all by herself last night. She said it was sugar-free and I could have some if I'd wanted (yey, diabetes). But... that cake... looks so sad and pathetic. She said they didn't do anything special for dinner. She wouldn't have minded going out to eat. But, instead they had crap-food from the grocery store deli. Not exactly birthday-ish food, now, was it?
So, I went back to bed and woke up this morning and decided I was going to clean the house and prepare a dinner for my mom since yesterday didn't go so well. I started by folding the laundry that wasn't done, so that's caught up now. And, while putting everyone's clothes away, I went into my sister's room and decided to look for where her "stash" I assumed she had might be. I could assume, because I'd found that lighter a couple weeks ago in the dryer.
Anyhoo, I hopped online and asked the b/f, "Where might someone of my sister's age and mindset hide drugs in her room?"
And, omigawd, he was spot-on. He's not druggie, but he knows REALLY WELL how to read people. Anyway, he said, "Check in a clothes drawer, probably hidden under some pants she doesn't wear, wrapped up and sealed, because drugs tend to have strong smells".
Sure enough, I found it, in the bottom drawer of her dresser, wrapped inside a thick bag, inside a cookie-tin (which, sadly enough, had been a present from the grandparents a couple of years ago). Now, I won't go into details about what was in it, as I'd mentioned before, but... I'd sooner go to war and watch the man beside me die in an explosion of blood and fire, before I go in there and open that tin again.
And I am dead serious.
So, I wandered around the house in a daze, a little nauseous from pot-fumes that were in there (Okay, I'll tell you ONE thing that was in there), in a state of shock.
Then, about half-way through my progress cleaning the bathtub, I came out of the shock and had a small breakdown.
I didn't cry because I knew my sister was doing naughty and illegal things behind mine and my parents' backs. I cried because...
I have spent the last 21 years of my life trying to be the model child. I work hard in school (even though I get a few low grades, but never anything lower than a C), I did all my chores to the best of my skills, I ate all my vegetables (even yucky cauliflower, though I DO love cooked carrots~!), I helped out around the house when I was asked to and sometimes without being asked, I came home when I was told to, I never did drugs or alcohol while underage (other than maybe a sip or two with an adult around and I still have never done drugs)...
I've done all these things to keep my parents happy... and she's got this "stash" hidden away... a little box of things that would betray and dismay my parents... most importantly, my mom.
I have worked so fucking hard to keep them happy out of the love and respect I have for them! And she's ruining it! Stomping and spitting on it! Ruining all the things I've done! I spend 16 years being a good older sibling, trying to relate with her and teaching her and spending time with her... and THIS is how she repays me?!
My parents let my sister have a fucking block party for her 16th birthday! They bought her an expensive dresser and vanity set, bought a buttload of pizzas, soda, chips, and candy for her shitload of friends! Donated their time and money... their love and devotion! And THIS IS HOW SHE'S REPAYING THEM?!
I should tell them, I know... if I truly love my mom and have respect for them... I'd tell them, right?
But... yesterday had been such a bad day for her... her birthday of all days... the new year and Christmas just over... what if whenever this time of year comes to pass, that's what they think about?
"Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy Birthday, Mom! Gee, this time 3 years ago, our daughter was caught doing illegal drugs! I wonder how she's doing in juvie?!"
I just... I just don't know what to do...
I've spent so much time trying to make them happy and proud... telling them about this feels so unnatural and wrong... bringing unhappiness to them...?
How will my mom and dad take it? My mom already tells me that she's not happy around my dad most times. And that my sister has no respect for them, which is now proven true. I just can't fathom what she might do when she finds out! How will this affect their marriage? Their relationship with my sister? With the rest of my family?
I... God, I just don't know what to do! This responsibility is so heavy!
I just need advice now... my b/f is definitely here to help, but... I just don't know what to do! I just... *sigh*
I am so sorry for being a downer recently. There's just a lot going on. And I need help.
~Yosei~
