Keeps trying to kill me. .___.
The last couple of days, I've been IRATE. Like... BAD. I wanted to kick and punch something yesterday just because I was having a hard time drawing a damn BOX in art class. I came THIS close to tossing the clipboard across the room. Ohhhh, I wanted to so bad... SOOOOOO bad... Luckily, I was only mad at myself and no one caught on and everyone left me alone.
Sadly, I had thought this anger was just... random. Honestly, there was nothing to instigate it and I felt ashamed for feeling angry, which only made me angrier. I assumed there was some chemical imbalance in me, or because the weather was changing, or SOMETHING.
But, I was still irritable last night when I got home. Then, I could hardly sleep last night, and when I did sleep I had terrible, terrible nightmares.
This morning, I was still in a pissy mood, so I thought, "Well, maybe I can help this by getting myself something I like. I think I'll buy a danish!"
However, the boyfriend did what he was supposed to do and said, "You have to check your blood sugar levels first. If they're too high, you can't have it."
And, thank the GODS he made me do that. My sugars were above 450!
So, THAT'S why I'd been so angry and messed up... As it turns out, I was just having a terrible high sugar, which led to the irritability, the sleeplessness, the nightmares, and the anger. I used to think this couldn't happen to me. That my diabetes couldn't affect my mood, but it can... I'll have to watch this closer from now on.
Don't worry. Right after that, I took insulin, didn't eat, and two hours later I was down to 150. Around 2 (right before Japanese class), I was at a perfect 103.
Christ, I hate diabetes. So much. So damn much.
~Yosei~
