Alright, I hardly ever express my feelings on this site because who gives a rats ass about other peoples drama on here right? Well, sorry guys, but tonight I'm going to be one of the people on here who vomits her entire life into this journal post.
And you guys can get mad at me, go ahead, I don't care but I just have to say; for those of you who think your life sucks because of one tiny thing? Seriously, your life really isn't half as bad as you think it is. I used to do the same shit until really bad shit actually happened to me.
For those of you who don't know, my moms most likely going to jail. She was drunk driving and hit a pole, a pedestrian and a car. She's been in and out of court all summer. Why am I sharing this on here? Because it's all over the damn internet so its not private, people have made sure that they don't keep it private which pisses me off. My mom has a freaking disease, 2 at that. One that makes it so her immune system is very weak so she can't consume alcohol or heavy things like that well and the other is alcoholism. SO, my mom could have one drink but it'd be like she drank 10. So people think my moms a monster and crap but she really isn't. She just needs help. SO, all summer I've dealt with the fact that when my mom goes to court, she may not come back. Every time she goes, I wait by the freaking door praying that she'll come back this time. She goes to court again the 21st and I hope to god she comes back because I leave for college the 23rd.
On top of that, back in June, my gf left me for her stupid ass abusive boyfriend that she had broken up with to go out with me because he was harassing her on DA, FB and her phone and even MY phone. He literally told her to kill herself and that she was a stupid cheater and that her dead grandmother would be disappointed in her and blah blah blah and made it public to all her friends and family. He then went to me and said I was the devil, I was stupid, I was the reason everything was bad. THEN he showed up at her door without telling her he was flying out to "win her heart back.' he was arrested too, but you know what? she went back..to that...why the frick would you go back to that? after he did all that crap to you. She literally broke up with me over text when she could have EASILY just come over to my damn house and told me. But no...she waited 3 freaking days after she got back together with him to tell me and then left to move to Florida with him without telling me or even allowing me to say good bye. Now what does she do? Text me and act like her and I are best friends. No man, Thats not how this crap works. She broke me, completely, and she thinks we're totally chill with each other? nice try. The fact that I'm still dealing with this BS is ridiculous. It should of ended long ago but 1) Its hard to mend a broken heart and 2) when she keeps blowing up my phone telling me all she ever does it talk about me and stupid crap like that, its hard to forget.
On top of that, theres something wrong with my dog and no one knows what. The doctors keep saying its cancer and then that its not cancer and so on and so forth. sometimes he has really bad seizures and he's suffered brain damage because of one of them and has lost sight and hearing on his left side. We pay A LOT for medicine for him so that this doesn't happen but we're also paying for court, a lawyer, damages to our car and so on and so forth so we can hardly spend money on other things because all of it is going to that.
My moms license was revoked and so I seriously drive my family EVERYWHERE because she can't. I drive my sick grandmother to places when she needs something, I drive my dad to work so I can have the car, and I drive my mom around the city so she can run errands my dad told her to run.
I'm seriously up all the time to do this stuff while suffering from depression. Not to mention heart problems due to this depression. I seriously sometimes can't breath and I start shaking and pass out. I'm waiting until I go to college to get it checked out for free, but until then, I am dealing with some serious pain in my chest. All I ever do is sleep because my body is so damn tired of everything that it can hardly keep up with itself.
so, life sucks ass right now, it really does. I could be FMLing all day and all night long if I wanted to...but you know what? I don't. Because you know why? Because even though life SUCKS, I still try my hardest to think of the good things I have. 1) I'm heading to college thats a BIG step! 2) my moms still with me right now, thats GOOD 3) I have friends who care for me and are trying to help me through all of this...4) my dogs getting better and is still here! thats GOOD! 5) I am still alive (sometimes I wish I wasn't, but I am...and thats a good thing)
So guys...seriously....if you're seriously FMLing because you puked, or because your dad yelled at you, or because you broke a nail. just stop, ok? If thats really got your panties in a bunch then you REALLY don't appreciate what you have. THINK about what you have, because honestly, you could be going through the crap i'm going through right now. You could be hearing things on the news about your mom, and reading articles about her on the internet that say she's a monster and she deserves to die and crap like that. Or you could be dealing with a scary, manipulative man who took the most precious thing to you away from you and is rubbing it in your face. Or you could be dealing with poverty, you could be living on the streets, you could be in the war. Okay? So yeah, I know we have our problems, but sometimes these problems are so minor and don't need to be blown out of proportion...seriously...it drives me crazy because I know what its like to do that and then end up going through some really serious stuff.
And once you go through with that, you'll look back at yourself and think you're an idiot.
So, you guys are welcome to get mad at me, but I had to make a freaking point and vent about my own life.
