Chapter 3
My Heart Burns Like Fire
The next morning, Hikuchi awoke to the sun shining in his eyes. He looked around, and remembered that he had fallen asleep in Kosuke's house. His head hurt, and his memories of the night before were hazy and painful.
Kosuke. Where was Kosuke? Hikuchi started to panic slightly. The samurai was no where to be seen. The boy ran out into the courtyard. It was strangely cold outside, but the air still had the scent of charred wood and death. Hikuchi spotted his companion sitting under a sakura tree, and he approached him slowly. The pain of losing a parent was all too familiar to the boy, as both his mother and father had their lives taken when he was younger. Hikuchi sat beside Kosuke and said nothing. The sadness in his eyes was more than apparent, but he seemed to beyond the point of tears. There was a profound silence for nearly 15 minutes before Kosuke finally spoke.
"My mother has agreed to adopt you as her son Hikuchi- kun," he said, his voice dead sounding.
"Thank you oniisan," Hikuchi said in a small and quiet voice. He heard Kosuke sigh heavily.
"You'll start training soon. Your master is a man I know very well. He'll teach you well, I promise you."
Hikuchi was slightly startled.
"I thought you'd teach me oniisan! Why aren't you going to?" Hikuchi looked up at Kosuke, but Kosuke closed his eyes and turned away. He couldn't stand to see Hikuchi's disappointed face.
"I'm a ronin Hikuchi- kun."
"You're not!" he cried.
"I believe it to be true, and it is. I let him die. You do not want to learn from someone like me."
"But I do! You're the strongest bushi warrior I've ever seen!" Hikuchi said indignantly.
"Otouto… I have no master. He's dead. My father is dead. What sort of strength do you think I possess if I let my own father be killed?" Kosuke's voice had dropped its dead, toneless quality. It now took on the form of raw emotion and pain.
"But—" Hikuchi began to protest. Kosuke turned to face Hikuchi and placed as he placed a hand on the boy's head. Hikuchi's eyes filled, but he seemed to be refusing to cry almost. "Oniisan, if you leave, I will follow you." Hikuchi spoke the words as if they were a threat of some sort. Kosuke looked very intently into his new brother's eyes.
"I must avenge him Hikuchi. And you must stay here. For Mother." Kosuke watched as Hikuchi's face crumpled. There was an uncomfortable lurch is his stomach, but he ignored it. He brought the boy in close to his own body and held him there. "I'll come back someday, you know."
"But the clan," said Hikuchi through his tears. "Who will head it while you're gone? You were the heir…" Kosuke smiled sadly. He stroked Hikuchi's head.
"You are my brother now. And that's the other reason I need you to stay."
That night, Hikuchi watched as Kosuke left with tears still in his eyes. He wore a new blue kimono, brown hakama and a blue happi coat that had been provided for him. His hair had been pulled back into a small ponytail. He very much looked the part of a samurai child. Hikuchi looked up at his foster mother. Her eyes were red as well. Hikuchi took her hand and squeezed it.
Kosuke was getting smaller and smaller. The wind was whipping hard, and Hikuchi fought to keep his eyes open against it and catch a last glimpse of the man he had come to respect and admire so much. At that moment, Kosuke looked back, smiling sadly, and Hikuchi watched as his mouth distinctly formed words.
"Otouto kun ga daisuki desu."
Hikuchi slept an uneasy sleep that night. His training would commence the following morning, and he needed the sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Kosuke with flames all around him preparing to commit seppuku. Hikuchi knew he shouldn't have stopped him. He knew that now it didn't even matter, for Kosuke had left him alone nonetheless. Finally after hours of tossing about his sleeping mat, Hikuchi made a final attempt to calm himself enough for sleep.
"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" he asked himself. Hikuchi still did not have the answer, but all around him there was silence and finally he found peace.
It turns out that the sound of one hand clapping was one of many thought provoking question Hikuchi would have to ponder upon. In fact, in his first month of instruction Hikuchi had to memorize what most samurai in training had years to learn. The code of Bushido, the writings of Zen masters, great samurai and monks, parables, poems and teachings. And then on top of that, Hikuchi was learning the ways of combat and martial arts. Prior to beginning his training, Hikuchi thought that a bushi merely used his katana, but his new master trained him in horsemanship, spearmanship and archery as well.
Hikuchi's new teacher was a man of impressive stature by the name of Hayashi Toshihiro. Hayashi- sensei, as Hikuchi had to call him, was a stern man for the most part, but he was immensely proud of his new pupil.
Hikuchi had no trouble with the amount of information he was being asked to learn. He excelled at swordplay and horsemanship, his archery was proficient and his spear work was at least decent. Hikuchi's only obstacle was what might seem like a rather small one: he was afraid to give up his name.
Genpuku is a samurai boy's coming of age ceremony. In the ceremony, a boy has his head shaved in the traditional way and he receives his adult name.
"You are almost ready," Hayashi- sensei told his student one day. It had been two years since Kosuke had left, and they had not heard a word of his situation since. "You will become a true bushi warrior at last, in service of our daimyo."
Hikuchi sighed, thinking of the name he would receive. What if he didn't like it? What would happen to the little boy Hikuchi when both his names had been replaced?
"I know that look. Your brother gave it many a time before you. What's troubling you Hikuchi?"
"It's silly, Sensei, nothing worth a thought. It's just, my name—"
"I'm sure your new name will be a fine one, Hikuchi. You shouldn't worry yourself."
Hikuchi fell silent, and returned home without saying much more.
When the young samurai entered his house, he could smell the aroma of the dinner his mother had prepared. In the past two years, Hikuchi had grown extremely fond of the woman. She had a smooth face, but her dark hair had streaks of grey throughout. She was a kind woman, and she doted on Hikuchi. He knew it was because she missed her firstborn, but Hikuchi also knew that the love she had for him was real, and that love was a powerful thing.
"Hikuchi?" she called from the dining room. "Is that you Hikuchi- kun?" Her using that name for him sent a shiver down Hikuchi's spine, but he tried to ignore it.
"Yes, Mother, it's me," he replied while taking off his sandals at the door.
"Well come in dear, come in! I want to hear all about your day!"
Hikuchi loved his dinner times for this exact reason. Not only was his mother's cooking exquisite, but she had a way of calming him and making him feel almost normal.
"Mother?" he said when they had finished their meal. She looked up from her tea and smiled, indicating she wanted him to go on. Her smile was similar to Kosuke's, and it made Hikuchi smile in turn. "Do you think it is silly for me to fear losing my name?"
"Oh, musuko, you are just like your brother, aren't you?" she sighed. "Yes, he was worried about that too; though his reasons were different I'm sure. I believe what his father told him was not to think of it as losing your old name but gaining a new one. Just because you gain a new title does not mean you will cease to be 'Hikuchi.' You cannot fear change, my dear."
His mother smiled her kind smile and Hikuchi nodded.
"Thank you, Mother," he said smiling himself. Thinking of it that way did make Hikuchi feel better. But it made Hikuchi wonder. "What was Kosuke's name?" he asked after thinking a bit. "Before his Genpuku?"
"Miki," she said. And with that she gave one final smile and retired for the night. It was then Hikuchi remembered that she generally did not like to talk about Kosuke. He was, in fact, surprised she had even brought him up.
That night Hikuchi had a dream in which he found himself in a field with tall grass. The wind was blowing all around him, and all he could hear was rustling grass. And though his ears were filled with noise, there was a profound silence that filled his ears as well. It made Hikuchi think of something, but the thought was hazy and impossible to grasp. When he awoke the next morning, he had forgotten he had dreamt at all.
The day of Hikuchi's Genpuku arrived not long after. His stomach seemed to be filled with nervous panging, and he couldn't bring himself to eat any sort of breakfast. He was restless, but excited at the same time. After this night, he would be a true bushi warrior, the one thing he had devoted his life to since he met Kosuke.
For what seemed like hours, he paced and paced. So many things would change after this. He would be fully in charge of the clan, his head would be shaved, he could be sent into battle at any time. Finally, fed up with his pacing, Hikuchi sat on the floor and tried to clear his mind with meditation. Not too long after, he could hear his mother calling for him.
"Hikuchi! It's time!"
The ceremony took place at the small shrine in their village. However, in the village, life seemed to go on as normal and no one was particularly interested in a samurai boy coming of age.
First his hair was shaved and tied up in a top knot. Hikuchi managed to catch a glimpse of his new hairstyle and realized it looked rather strange atop his head. He almost made a face, but then restrained himself from doing so. An eboshi was placed on his head, which was a little black hat for formal occasions that Hikuchi had always thought looked sort of funny. Then Hikuchi was given a wakizashi, a small sword that he would use should he ever go to war.
"Do you promise to honor and protect our daimyo Lord Karasuma as well as your family name?"
"I do," Hikuchi replied. He then knelt before the altar of the shrine.
"You may rise a man, Muranaka Kozue."
Hikuchi, or Kozue rather, rose from kneeling. A man, just like that. He wasn't sure what to think of is name. He knew that shamans had most likely poured over countless almanacs to choose an auspicious name for him, but he couldn't help but notice how similar it was to Kosuke's.
That night Kozue could not sleep at all. When he could stand it no longer, he left his house to find some place in which he could clear his mind. He took his katana with him, one of the privileges he had gained as a man.
Once outside, Kozue looked for the sakura tree he had sat under with Kosuke. Kozue often went there to think. For some reason that particular tree had a calming effect on him, just like hot tea. He did not sit, but approached the tree and touched its bark.
The thing that bothered Kozue the most was the fact that he felt no different as a "man" than a child. He was being expected to do so much, to run a clan and be as great a warrior as his brother. If only Kosuke hadn't left. Life would have been so much easier.
'But life is never easy,' Kozue reminded himself. He sighed and tried to blink away the tears that had accumulated. Samurai didn't cry.
There was a rustling somewhere in the dark. Kozue looked around anxiously. What was that? Suddenly someone grabbed him from behind. Kozue tried to reach for his katana but the attacker restrained both his arms.
"Muranaka Kozue, I presume?"
"How do you know my name?" Kozue demanded. After all, he had only just received it. The attacker did not reply and hit him over the head with something hard. The world began to spin and Kozue felt himself falling into darkness.
