Thank you for your concern. I knew right for the start that my character may be like Sasuke, but I really thought it would be better if I didn't mention it. Honestly, I thought my character would just be a Gary Stue similar to Shikamaru based on personality. I used Tai, Gen, and Ninjutsu because I don't know speed/effiency/strength levels so if I did use that, my character would be done for.
I used Kakashi because it never shows what Kakashi did while he was ANBU to begin with. The scar and the village was perfect because of the originality. You can make Mary-Sues by using Leaf or Sand villages. Out of all my characters, this character is the most original. And maybe I did followed your rules too strictly.
I will contact more people to join, seeing the only competition here is a grass shinobi and a pink-haired boy who upsets neko demons. Again, thank you for telling me this... *sighs*
I think that you followed my steps a bit too strictly. Just as the doctrines of a religion can be adapted to any purpose, the procedure I created is meant to be flexible (something you clearly realized, as you used gen, tai and ninjutsu in the place of efficiency, strength and speed) so that anyone can find it useful. By not taking advantage of this flexibility, you have hampered your own capabilities.
Additionally, you are following a path taken by Sasuke. He wants revenge on his brother for killing his clan
for killing his clan at an age he can actually remember his family
for torturing him with images of their slaughter
because he can remember who Itachi is
Now lets look at your guy for a sec. He was 4 when he was abandoned. I really doubt he can remember much of his family or their murderers. If he knew his family he was murdered, he would no doubt desire to avenge them. However, it would be highly unlikely that he would go off to find the murderers, first because of the bondage of the Leaf and second he doesn't know their identities, so any search would be extremely difficult. Although any encounter would result in a fight, the encounter itself would be completely by chance, unless of course the murderers were trying to finish the job.
Kakashi's involvement is dismissible (although Iruka would seem a more likely candidate for taking in an orphan), as is bloodline/eyes changing color, although all 3 registered as small blips on the radar.
It is, however, nice to see something from outside the Leaf. Also, the story behind the facial scar is refreshing: It is simple, did not involve any real adventure, yet is interesting. Sort of like how I climbed a shelf when I was 2. It fell over on me, and I had to get stitches in my right eyebrow. There's been a hairless line there ever since, and it only becomes more obvious as my eyebrows thicken and darken.Overall, this lands in the yellowy green category. It's edging towards a warning zone, but doesn't merit more than a tinge of worry. And that means a big, diamond-encrusted 'Most Improved' trophy for you!
Ugh, that was some hardcore dissection. This metaphorical scalpel hasn't seen this much use in ages!
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/08/09 | Reply
@syaondri:
Okay San. If you are having trouble, you can ask me or Markus-san.^^
syaondri
Otakuite | Posted 06/08/09 | Reply
@SandLover13:
so I'm sorry if I startled you...
Well you can call me San for short, I'm... short of new kid here
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/07/09 | Reply
@syaondri:
Thank you....er....Who are you?
syaondri
Otakuite | Posted 06/07/09 | Reply
@Sandlover13~san: Well, Markus~san had gave you some... words, which I couldn't agree more. -_-
else than that it is a good character...
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/05/09 | Reply
@Markus wolfe:
I got that. I'm sorry. I was just trying to find out what I need more improving on. Thank you again.
Markus wolfe
Grand Otaku | Posted 06/04/09 | Reply
@SandLover13:
Did you miss the big, diamond encrusted 'Most Improved' trophy part? Because that was the big thing you were supposed to take away from this.
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/04/09 | Reply
@Markus wolfe:
Thank you for your concern. I knew right for the start that my character may be like Sasuke, but I really thought it would be better if I didn't mention it. Honestly, I thought my character would just be a Gary Stue similar to Shikamaru based on personality. I used Tai, Gen, and Ninjutsu because I don't know speed/effiency/strength levels so if I did use that, my character would be done for.
I used Kakashi because it never shows what Kakashi did while he was ANBU to begin with. The scar and the village was perfect because of the originality. You can make Mary-Sues by using Leaf or Sand villages. Out of all my characters, this character is the most original. And maybe I did followed your rules too strictly.
I will contact more people to join, seeing the only competition here is a grass shinobi and a pink-haired boy who upsets neko demons. Again, thank you for telling me this... *sighs*
Markus wolfe
Grand Otaku | Posted 06/04/09 | Reply
I think that you followed my steps a bit too strictly. Just as the doctrines of a religion can be adapted to any purpose, the procedure I created is meant to be flexible (something you clearly realized, as you used gen, tai and ninjutsu in the place of efficiency, strength and speed) so that anyone can find it useful. By not taking advantage of this flexibility, you have hampered your own capabilities.
Additionally, you are following a path taken by Sasuke. He wants revenge on his brother for killing his clan
Now lets look at your guy for a sec. He was 4 when he was abandoned. I really doubt he can remember much of his family or their murderers. If he knew his family he was murdered, he would no doubt desire to avenge them. However, it would be highly unlikely that he would go off to find the murderers, first because of the bondage of the Leaf and second he doesn't know their identities, so any search would be extremely difficult. Although any encounter would result in a fight, the encounter itself would be completely by chance, unless of course the murderers were trying to finish the job.
Kakashi's involvement is dismissible (although Iruka would seem a more likely candidate for taking in an orphan), as is bloodline/eyes changing color, although all 3 registered as small blips on the radar.
It is, however, nice to see something from outside the Leaf. Also, the story behind the facial scar is refreshing: It is simple, did not involve any real adventure, yet is interesting. Sort of like how I climbed a shelf when I was 2. It fell over on me, and I had to get stitches in my right eyebrow. There's been a hairless line there ever since, and it only becomes more obvious as my eyebrows thicken and darken.Overall, this lands in the yellowy green category. It's edging towards a warning zone, but doesn't merit more than a tinge of worry. And that means a big, diamond-encrusted 'Most Improved' trophy for you!
Ugh, that was some hardcore dissection. This metaphorical scalpel hasn't seen this much use in ages!
DeidaraNarutoClan
Hot and Cold (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/29/09 | Reply
@SandLover13:
I think I get it... somewhat...
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 05/29/09 | Reply
@DeidaraNarutoClan:
He's wants Non Mary Sue OC's in the contest. Just do it kinda like I did. It's like a summary about your new or revamped character. You get it so far?
DeidaraNarutoClan
Hot and Cold (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/29/09 | Reply
@SandLover13:
... actually... he invited me to the challenge... but I'm not doing it because I'm confused -_-'
SandLover13
Otaku Eternal | Posted 05/29/09 | Reply
@DeidaraNarutoClan:
Yep, who knew that his fan words actually helped me create this non mary-sueish OC.^^
Kusa: ....Hey there Cate....*holding toothpick*
Now Kusa be nice. Thank you. I hope I do great.^^
DeidaraNarutoClan
Hot and Cold (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/29/09 | Reply
I think it's cool how you were going to enter that in his challenge ^^ good to be a friend