Yes I will! XD I think it would be very odd to introduce a weird device and not explain where it came from...But this part I'm not exactly sure of...O.o;
Yes, I noticed that I kept switching between the two. I didn't notice that part, though...O3O I seem to have that problem in every language I speak that I can never talk with the appropriate tense. Anyway, I was trying to do it sort of like in the style of Alexandre Dumas that while he is telling a story of past events he's also putting in little bits from the present. I felt like it would make it seem more like Reese was telling a very biased story rather than what actually happened...I dunno...
I'm just making an excuse for my bad grammar! 'orz
I'll try to keep that in mind, but, yeah, tenses are one of those things I am aware of and try to think about, but somehow I always mix it all up...O.o;
Thanks for the feedback, though! I think it'll help me improve in writing! >:D
Last edited by Wakusei Aoshi at 5:13:14 PM EDT on July 15, 2013.
I like Reese as a narrator! *3* As a Klan-obsessed and judgmental narrator. xD I'm interested to see how the two of them interact! I think Klan's device is a really interesting way to put mind control into a story. :D By the way, are you going to explain in later parts where Klan got the device? :o
A general note (sorry;;;): I noticed you wrote this in a past tense-present tense mix. Normally I'd say to stick with present-tense, with the way that Reese is narrating the story... but it also kind of seems like he's remembering the past. If it's supposed to be a recount of past events, just keep in mind that when he's telling things that already happened it should be past tense, while things that are just general or things that are currently happening should be in present tense.
An example is in this sentence: "Everybody can fall for Klan,... inevitably does." It should be "Everybody can fall for Klan. This woman was nothing special, so she inevitably did." "Can" is present tense because it's a general statement/fact, while the rest is in past tense because it already happened.
Wakusei Aoshi
Otaku Eternal | Posted 07/15/13 | Reply
@moonlit dream:
Yes I will! XD I think it would be very odd to introduce a weird device and not explain where it came from...But this part I'm not exactly sure of...O.o;
Yes, I noticed that I kept switching between the two. I didn't notice that part, though...O3O I seem to have that problem in every language I speak that I can never talk with the appropriate tense. Anyway, I was trying to do it sort of like in the style of Alexandre Dumas that while he is telling a story of past events he's also putting in little bits from the present. I felt like it would make it seem more like Reese was telling a very biased story rather than what actually happened...I dunno...
I'm just making an excuse for my bad grammar! 'orz
I'll try to keep that in mind, but, yeah, tenses are one of those things I am aware of and try to think about, but somehow I always mix it all up...O.o;
Thanks for the feedback, though! I think it'll help me improve in writing! >:D
Last edited by Wakusei Aoshi at 5:13:14 PM EDT on July 15, 2013.
moonlit dream
Supreme Individual (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 07/15/13 | Reply
I like Reese as a narrator! *3* As a Klan-obsessed and judgmental narrator. xD I'm interested to see how the two of them interact! I think Klan's device is a really interesting way to put mind control into a story. :D By the way, are you going to explain in later parts where Klan got the device? :o
A general note (sorry;;;): I noticed you wrote this in a past tense-present tense mix. Normally I'd say to stick with present-tense, with the way that Reese is narrating the story... but it also kind of seems like he's remembering the past. If it's supposed to be a recount of past events, just keep in mind that when he's telling things that already happened it should be past tense, while things that are just general or things that are currently happening should be in present tense.
An example is in this sentence: "Everybody can fall for Klan,... inevitably does." It should be "Everybody can fall for Klan. This woman was nothing special, so she inevitably did." "Can" is present tense because it's a general statement/fact, while the rest is in past tense because it already happened.