Alright~~~! Just finish reading your blog. K, here's the my thoughts... & it's gonna be LONG~~~ & some might be bit harsh, so hopefully it won't offend you.

As for grade & parents. I'm gonna take both side. Why? Cuz from my experiences, parent can be pain in the @ss. They demand so many stuff from us that we have no clue, we can do it. When we didn't get the score that they expected, they disappoint and make you feel guilty & feel failed... but those phases will slowly disappear when you're in year or so in college. How? Just show your homework to them and tell them you're stuck & if they can figure it out. Bout 50% of parent can't solve it, so pretty much it proves that you are already smarter than them (make yourself bit better lol). When they complain bout the grade or test, tell them "With all respect, you can get better grade/score than me? Even though you can't solve one of my homework question?" About 99% of the time parent will reply back with some excuses, but it's pretty much "blah blah blah & blah blah blah"... & so on. There goes another win for ya... BUT don't forget one thing. Parent does care about you more than anyone in the world. Sometimes it doesn't seem so... so don't use that trick too much. it only work few times anyways. Most of the time I did was, just tell them "I love you", "I did my best as I can", "Thank you", & all the positive words and it'll make them upset or trip out that you're smiling & been positive... & bout 5mins into it, they give up and off you go. lol

As for weight part. I'm not in person to see you to tell you, so there the average height & weight ppl should be in.
Women:
Height - Small Frame - Medium Frame - Large Frame
4'10" - 102-111 - 109-121 - 118-131
4'11" - 103-113 - 111-123 - 120-134
5'0" - 104-115 - 113-126 - 122-137
5'1" - 106-118 - 115-129 - 125-140
5'2" - 108-121 - 118-132 - 128-143
5'3" - 111-124 - 121-135 - 131-147
5'4" - 114-127 - 124-138 - 134-151
5'5" - 117-130 - 127-141 - 137-155
5'6" - 120-133 - 130-144 - 140-159
5'7" - 123-136 - 133-147 - 143-163
5'8" - 126-139 - 136-150 - 146-167
5'9" - 129-142 - 139-153 - 149-170
5'10" - 132-145 - 142-156 - 152-173
5'11" - 135-148 - 145-159 - 155-176
6'0" - 138-151 - 148-162 - 158-179
I said SHOULD BE cuz bout 75% of American ppl are not in this weights & most are bit overweight. I have PT (personal Trainer) for few ppl, but in the beginning everyone wasn't in the list... but you know that doesn't mean they were less of person than ppl who was in shape. If you eat healthy food & exercise here, then I don't see anything wrong w it.

As for loosing personality part... Once a good friend of mine told me:
"Friends make you what you are."
And I think it's true. Friends you hang out with like horror anime, you start to like more horror animes. Friends you hang out with like go clubin' til 4 in the morning, you start to do the same. Believe it or not, friends you hang out with will change your habits and personality more than you think. Most of the time, you choose a friend that you want to become. One or two of their personality, knowledge, & other stuff that makes you want to hang out and talk with them. Good friends can be seen as your mini-hero. Cuz you admire them lil bit and sometimes become bit jealous of them. That's why you have fight here & there.

For that perfect girl that can get straight A and sing well. I'm pretty sure you have something that you have that she doesn't. Comparing other person to you can be harsh, cuz "Grass is always greener on other side of the fence." but that doesn't mean you're not good.

Lastly, my friend once told me.
"Giving up is easy.
Keep going is harder."
well technically it was more to it... but it's more harsh, so I gonna stop it with that sentence. lol
I think, it's true on everything. Keep going is hard cuz sometime you don't see any improvement, but that doesn't mean you can give up. Giving up will cutting down all the potentials that you have in you.

I hope, I didn't blab too much or offend you. If I did sorry.
めげず頑張る努力は何時も救われるよ。

Oh my goodness Hikari-chan, I'm sorry to hear all of this...but here's what I have to say about this as well.

I'm sure there are a lot of kids like you and me that feel like their parents/family have absolutely NO satisfaction in what we do. I don't know if you're in the same boat as me, but I almost have the exact same problem. I work REALLY REALLY hard to do well in school, keep my shape and such and they always always ALWAYS keep asking for more and don't commend me for what I HAVE accomplished. It makes me feel like crap because I also stay up late studying every night and a lot of the time I don't get the grade I always want either. My dad talks about my accomplishments to my grandparents but since they never talk to me(because I can't speak Korean well enough..) they don't ever talk about it when I see them. In fact, I don't think they really even acknowledge me.
But I've tried thinking about it in my parents' shoes as well. Maybe your parents say "You can do better than that" because they think you have the POTENTIAL to do better than that. I understand that it's difficult to see things that way, but really our parents do want the best for us because we, in essence, represent our parents as well and not just ourselves. Parents are so proud of their kids, they tend to push us harder than we are capable sometimes...they think that we're almost unstoppable, and I do agree they need to step back and see what it's like for us as well.

It's easy to doubt your friends when they say something good about you because you tend to wonder if they really mean it or not. I honestly think you are NOT fat and I also am having this issue, only for me it's worse because I have a heart problem that needs to be kept in check in terms of my weight.
In Korea, weight and appearance are a HUGE deal. So whenever I go over during the summer, the first thing they'll point out is if I've 1)improved my skin from the acne I had on my face or 2)if I've gained or lost any weight. It ALWAYS happens and I get it a lot, but at this point I've just stopped caring. I'll lose weight/keep in shape for myself and myself only.
You're like me. Don't worry so much about what others think of you. It's your body and yours alone, and how you decide it is is up to you and not them. If you think you're fine as is, keep as is, even if people think you're fat. Whatever, what are THEY going to do to make your change your appearance? If you're proud of what you look like, they shouldn't matter. Friends/family will support you, no matter what.

I have one friend at my school who is REALLY into talking about topics concerning religion and POLITICS. OMG the two most controversial topics EVER that are the WORST to bring up in a conversation...and yet she's really sweet at the same time and she loves talking to people.
There is seriously NO ONE at my school that likes anime. People are either too 1)narrow-minded or 2)infatuated with some other obsession to care about anime at my school. So I've pretty much given up on finding people with all of the same interests as me.
But it's not like I don't have other interests aside from anime. Maybe I can find friends that play piano like I do, or like singing and things like that. It's not like it's ever easy to find someone with the EXACT same interests as you, and probably about 90% won't ever find someone like that.
And hey. Maybe starting a better relationship with your parents IS letting them see the real you. It's outside your comfort zone, yes, but the difference between real and online life is that the people you know in real life are people you see and interact with everyday. It's easier to pour out your feelings to us because we don't fully understand you as a person in real life, that's the good thing about online friends. But the good thing about the people you know in real life is that they will be there with you always to physically support you...they can hug you and make you feel better in that way, but we can't do all of that. Feel lucky for what you have Hikari-chan. There are people out there that don't even HAVE parents to be angry at that probably wish they had a mommy or daddy to raise them.

I think almost every kid at one point has considered running away or committing suicide, because from THEIR view, it looks like they'll be "relieving" people from the "burden" that they are.
The fact is, it's the exact opposite. No one is perfect and we all get into some kind of conflict or argument at one point. Not to mention, we all have our own set of problems.
Committing suicide, to me, is selfish. You would be throwing yourself away after all of the years and time and money your parents spent trying to raise you, and your friends would be missing another person that's important in their lives.
And if you ran away, where would you go? Live out in the streets? You're better off staying with people that know and love you under one roof, rather than living on your own.

xD Don't make it sound like you're the only person that feels that way! So many people on this planet have low self-esteem(like me!) and think that there is absolutely no value in what we do. So what?? We're just lucky we are able to DO these things. You think people are improving immensely after 2 years? Well, it also comes with LOTS of time, dedication and PRACTICE. It's not like they just sat there and waited for two years expecting to be professionals. It isn't something that happens quickly overnight. To you, your art may not be getting better, but personally to us, we see improvement in both style and coloring. Just keep practicing hard at it and over time you'll notice the differences.
What about all of the things that you CAN do? You can speak Japanese fluently(or practically fluently)...you know how much of a privelege that is?? There are MILLIONS of people that would jump at the chance to speak japanese fluently...which could take up to years and years of studying to perfect. But you pretty much have it down!
I would LOVE to learn to speak korean fluently but unfortunately it's really hard for me to put it into practice after growing up in the US and speaking english for so long. Not knowing how to speak korean has kept me disconnected from my relatives...it's really sad because I don't even know my GRANDMA'S name. She has liver cancer and I don't even feel SAD and it makes me feel guilty because I SHOULD. But I don't because I have almost no connections with her, even though she's my own family.
And about that girl you're envious of. Don't be. There is always going to be someone that's better than you and always someone that is worse than you. It's probably not easy for that girl to get straight A's, be athletic, keep her voice in shape and be popular. She has to work hard in school to get straight A's and maybe practice everyday so she can keep herself in shape for athletics. We are all different people, and as much as we'd like to be good at everything, it's not possible, even for girls like her. Can she speak japanese fluently and know everything about Shakugan no Shana like you? I don't think so. You have things that she lacks as well. Be proud of what you can do. LOLZ I barely know ANYONE that can cook, are you kidding me? xDDD I blew up my microwave and set it on fire once for putting in instant macaroni and cheese without water in it haha. That's an amazing cooking job right there =P

And hey, listen. Don't be afraid to show people the true you. There's no reason to hide your smile...do it often! You never know who may fall in love with it! Step out of your shell and be proud of who you are, I promise you there will be people that come to like you for the true you! You already know that we love you for who you are! ^^
So just remember that you're an incredible person and friend okay? Don't be afraid to let yourself loose every once in awhile, it's really okay. It's good to let things out and show us your true self every so often~ it lets us get to know you better ^^
Take care of yourself, Hikari-chan! And SMILE! We love you!<3