Hi, I'm Apanda! This world will have updates about my life and stuffs. So yeah, it'll be pretty boring... Sorry. -_-
My Loveless name is Worthless.
1. lacking in usefulness or value; "a worthless idler" [ant: valuable]
2. morally reprehensible; "would do something as despicable as murder"; "ugly crimes"; "the vile development of slavery appalled them"; "a slimy little liar" [syn: despicable]
My fruit is mango: Though the outer rind is colourful and deeply hued,
Its kevlar-type resistance cannot be consumed. Deep underneath the reddish orange rind though, is so much soul and nutrient compassion.
My new favorit quote's:
1. “Love is something that you’d get hurt about. Getting hurt, feeling pain... if you don’t feel it, then that’s not love.”
2. "You can never have the same love twice. When one love ends... even if you fall in love with someone else...you can never have the same love again. Even love matures. Its like a flower. Cherish it while it blooms."
Quote by Nanba, from Hana-Kimi For you in full bloom.
3. "Pure love means loving only one woman. Shes the one you hold most precious. She's so dear to you that no other woman would even enter your field of vision."
Quote by Makoto, from W Juliet.
4. "Its like I'm always the only one in love here."
Quote by Yukari, from Paradise Kiss.
5. "Watch for that signal, when life as you know it ends."
Quote by Jerry, from P.S. I Love You.
And now here's a song From the new All American Rejects CD that i really like.
I really dont wanna go to sleep. right now its exactly 11:11 and im already tired, but im to scared to go to sleep. the dreams are getting worse, and more vivid... So of course ive been getting more and more depressed.
...
*sigh*
i feel like writing one of my long depressing, emotional posts, but whats the point. hardly anyone ever actually comes here anymore. Heh, i probably scared them all off with my depressed, self abusing personality... its no wonder why nobody wants me. like always its my fault, all my fucking fault... i really wanna say that im just gonna give up on everything, but i know thats just gonna hurt even more... i mean thats all i ever do, i just give up. ive given up on everything my whole life and now ive finally found something that i want to keep trying at and im not getting anywhere. if anything ive just been making things worse. actually even right now, typing this, its probably just going to make things even worse.
...
sorry, ik i just said i wasnt gonna type up one of my pity posts... im just trying to waste time so i dont have to go to sleep. even though im about to pass out right now. i stayed up till 3 something last night but then i finally ran out of things to do, so i just went to bed.
...
ive been wanting to try writing a yuri story latly, but once i actually sit down with a pen and paper i just lose all my motivation... im sure the whole being depressed thing isnt helping. but im really gonna try tonight. if i dont pass out first.
...
now i guess i should talk about my day. all i really did was read, its the only thing that really keeps my mind off of reality. that and if i can get into a good anime, but i havent been able to find any good ones latly. i also went and saw the happening with my mom today, and it was complete crap. totally not worth $2. but whatever, it was a good way to waste some time i guess. thats seems to be all i do anymore, just keeping myself busy... oh and this really doesnt matter, but i think im starting to gain my wieght back. well i dont think, i know. lol, i just havent been very motivated latly, and i tend to eat when im depressed or angry. and sense thats all ive been feeling lately thats all ive been doing. which really sucks. its taken me so long to get to where i am now and it feels like its all just been a waste of time. i mean theres really no reason for me to want to lose wieght anyways. sense im gonna be alone the rest of my life whats the point in trying to look good. i might as well eat what i want to right... its not like anyone cares.
Ok so for the past few days I've been have some pretty depressing dreams. Last night excpecially. So i woke up pretty depressed... and kinda angry, which is never a good way to wake up.
Anyways, so i thought today was gonna be a pretty crappy day, but i think it turned out alright. i wouldnt say it was a good day, but it was ok. the asian came over and we watched when they cry. its actually kinda funny, cause she doesnt like the scary bloody stuff so she kinda freaked out a lot. ^^ which is always entertaining.
i was really hoping for some Justine time today, but that didnt happen. im hoping she has some time off work soon...
Ok so i started randomly thinking about Saikano last night, so i thought id look up some AMVs for it... so yeah, heres my fav so far.
Yeah i really like this song, so... might as well put up lyrics. -_- sense i dont really have anything to say.
"Broken (feat. Amy Lee)"
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
yeah, ive also started watching Burst Angel. and just a few hours ago i stared reading Bleach online. and thats finally getting interesting again, so thats cool.
and yeah, thats basically it.
other then i still havent been sleeping good... but thats my own fault.
Ok so i finally got to go to the mall with Sammy yesterday. And i finally gots some new bras, and i confirmed that i am a C cup now. *shakes fist* damn boobs. i dont understand why they wont stop growing.
anyways, by the time i got home it was 10 something but i wasnt tired at all so i went on the internet, and i got to talk to justine for a while, and zinke...
then at like 2:30 something i got off and went to try and read some in my room, and i did that till... almost 4 i think. but my head was killing me and my eyes were hurting so i tried going to bed, but that only lasted for like 10 minutes, cause i couldnt stop thinkin about shit. so i decided to see what was on tv, not expecting much cause theres usually nothing on at that hour. but jackass was on so i watched that for a while, but then i got sick of it so i started flipping channels again and i found 101 Dalmatians. (not the cartoon one) so i watched that. and that went off at like... idk actually. probably 5-5:30. and then the mouse hunt came on right after that, so i watched the first 20 minutes or so of that, but i wasnt really interested, so i decided to try to sleep again. and the last time i rememeber looking at the clock it was 6:23. but then the kitty woke me up at least 4 different times, and my mom woke me up at 11 something to complain about how i accidentaly locked billy in the bathroom. and then of course i couldnt fall asleep AGAIN. thank you so much mom. so i just decided to get up, and take a shower, cause thats the only thing that really wakes me up. that and i was all itchy cause the kitty being all over me. she actually almost frenched me last night, it was really gross. she just walked up to my face and started licking and biting my lower lip and my mouth was open cause my allergies have been really bad lately so i cant usually breath out of my nose at night. so i freaked out. i dont want my first... never mind, i wont finish that. cause the way things are going ill never do that with anyone.
...
anyways, i called the asian a while ago and asked to hang out and she said ok, but shes gots to eat first. so im just online till she calls me... so i hope she calls soon, cause its like, one of those times where its not good for me to be bored cause i start thinking about stuff that i shouldnt think about...
