I feel so alone. Back when i was "happy" i didnt need drugs to make me happy, i allways had brandon, or eddie, or someone who could take my mind of the bad things. But after they were gone and i was alone, i hit rock bottom and wasnt sobar but 3 times in 4 months. Even now, even though i have shane and i love him i just dont have that same feeling; that same happyness or shyness has before. Ed and Brandon taught me not to trust and that loving was a weakness and i was to pay for it. I only drink and do the things i do to fill the black hole that is my heart and to block the pain of love. My best freind Anthony taught me that there is 100 ppl who are your true loves; some maybe as bestfreinds or lovers but they are the ppl you can trust. But now i know i can trust some ppl like anthony or joe cuz they both do anything to make me happy and I have ck and shane. so yea