I glanced at the digital clock next to the sofa. It was only 11:00; Ichigo wasn’t due for another hour. I had plenty of time to make a quick lunch. “Hungry, kitty?” I asked the round little ball of fur curled up next to me. He immediately unraveled himself and jumped up, heading towards the kitchen.
“Smart cat,” I commented, following along behind him. I grabbed the can of cat food I had picked up the night before from the convenience store on my way home. I opened it and dumped its contents onto a plate, trying not to gag at the smell. I couldn’t believe cats enjoyed this stuff. I set the unappetizing meal down on the floor, along with a bowl of water. “Here you go, kitty,” I said, scratching him behind the ears. The cat looked at me like I was crazy.
“Yeah, yeah,” I chuckled, turning back to the microwave, waiting for my meal to finish heating. I was used to being the crazy one. Not that I minded. It was more fun being crazy. You could get away with a lot more.
I pulled last night’s leftovers out of the microwave. “Mmm, lasagna,” I said to no one in particular, setting the steaming plate on the table before turning to the fridge to unearth a carton of milk. I turned back to the table, drink in hand, ready to enjoy my lunch. But the plate was spotless.
“Hmm.” I picked up the plate. “I thought I had already heated up some lasagna. Didn’t I, kitty?” the cat purred in what I could only imagine to be the way an amused cat purred. I scooped out some lasagna and heated it up again, leaving it on the table. After I had put away the leftovers, I grabbed a fork and…
There was nothing on the plate.
“Oh, something’s up. I know I put lasagna on that plate.”
“Of course you did,” a commanding male voice stated matter-of-factly from behind me. “It was very good.”
I screamed, spinning around towards the voice, my breath ragged. There was no one there except the cat, who was staring at me with a very serious expression on his face. “Who’s there?” I yelled in an abnormally high and shaky voice. There was nothing more frightening to me than the idea of being attacked by something…or someone…I couldn’t see.
“No one’s here but us,” the cat said steadily, still looking at me with his sharp golden eyes.
What…the…FUCK?! Did that cat just talk to me?!
“Did…you…but…cats…” I blabbered incoherently.
“Stop that,” my cat snapped. I fell silent immediately. I was too shocked to do anything but obey.
This is all waaay to weird.
“Anyway,” the cat continued, as if everything that was going on was completely normal, “Ichigo and Rukia will be here soon. I had better get going.” The cat narrowed his eyes and began to glow. I blinked.
There was no longer a cat in my kitchen. In his place stood a tall, dark-skinned, naked woman. The woman flipped her glossy purple hair over her shoulder and began pulling various articles of clothing out from behind my refrigerator.
“What the HELL?!” I half screamed, half laughed. I was shaking. There was no way that this kind of shock overload was healthy.
The woman looked up at me as she pulled on a pair of skintight black leggings, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “What?” she asked. “You don’t believe that I can change from a cat into a full-grown woman?”
She stared at me with intense golden eyes. The same intense, focused, golden eyes that my cat had. And in that moment, I realized with surprise that I believed her. The evidence was right there in front of me. This was the truth. There was nothing left to do but believe. “Wh…what’s your name?” I asked shakily, sitting down at the kitchen table as the truth began to fully sink in.
“Yoruichi Shihouin,” she answered as she finished getting dressed. She pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail, leaving only a few of the shorter pieces on the side free. She looked at the clock. “I’ve gotta get going. Ichigo and Rukia will be here soon, and I don’t want to listen to them try and persuade me to go back to Kisuke’s shop, because I won’t.”
“Uh-huh,” I muttered. Even though I knew she was telling me the truth, I had given up all hope of understanding what was going on.
“Listen, Masako,” Yoruichi said. I turned my eyes up toward her. “Thanks for everything. Really. If you ever need some help, talk to Ichigo and Rukia. They’re good kids. Tell Rukia to send for me. I owe you one.” With a wink and a final baffling smile, Yoruichi leaped through my window and vanished. I sighed hopelessly. She was gone. I dropped onto the table, resting my head on my arms. Everything seemed like a dream.
A few minutes later, as I was desperately trying to regain a hold on my frazzled nerves, the doorbell rang. “Come in,” I called shakily. I didn’t have the ability to stand quite yet.
Ichigo and Rukia stepped into the kitchen. Rukia’s eyes widened as she saw me slumped against the table. Ichigo‘s face hardened as he surveyed the room, and he stepped a little closer to Rukia, nudging her. Her eyes flicked up to him, and back to me. “What happened?” she asked me in what was supposed to be a shocked voice. Somehow, I didn’t really think she was shocked; neither of them were. They both knew exactly what had happened, and they were going to give me an explanation.
I looked up tiredly from between my arms, not moving my head from the table. “The cat turned into a woman, a NAKED woman, said something about not wanting to see a dude named Kisuke, told me to tell you to get in touch with her if I ever needed help, smiled like everything that was happening was perfectly normal, and jumped out my friggin window. Do you guys have anything to say?”
Ichigo laughed.
“Masako!” A voice called cheerily from behind me. “What are you doing?”
I spun around quickly, the cat hissing in protest at the sudden movement. I was met with a penetrating indigo stare, burning with an intense passion and a warmth hidden just below the surface. “Rukia,” I breathed, giving her a bright smile. She always seemed to manage to catch me by surprise. A shadow fell over her protectively, and I looked up. “…and Ichigo. Hi.”
“Hey,” he answered indifferently, giving me a slight smile. Then he noticed the expression on Rukia’s face, one of deep concentration and even slight surprise. “Rukia?” he asked, brow furrowing in confusion. “What’s that look for?”
She ignored him, as she often did. “Masako,” she began slowly. “Where did you get that cat?” Ichigo followed her gaze, his eyes widening.
“Oh, him?” I asked, shifting the cat’s weight. “I actually found him in the library. You know, the old one? He must be a stray, he was just sitting there on the counter. It terrified the librarian to have a cat in there. So I took him.” I carefully put my copy of Inkheart down on the pavement in front of me and held up the small animal. Apparently he didn’t like this much, because he kept trying to squirm out of my grip, turning as far away from Ichigo and Rukia as possible. “Isn’t he cute?” The cat gave up squirming. He wasn’t winning.
“Uh, yeah,” Rukia answered robotically. I was admittedly disappointed by her less-than-exciting response. She was barely even looking at me. She kept looking back and forth between Ichigo, more focused than I had ever seen him, and the little black cat. Even the cat had a rather serious expression, and it looked to me like he kept shaking his head. I sighed.
There is something wrong with the world. My friends are having a moment with my cat.
After a few minutes, they were still staring at each other, and I was still standing there awkwardly. So I decided to break the silence.
“Oh, look, there are pies falling from the sky,” I stated dryly.
No reaction.
“Rukia, there’s a giant bunny behind you.”
Nothing.
“Ichigo, Orihime’s taking her shirt off in that clothing store over there.”
Nada.
“And now there’s a giant monster climbing out of the sewer over there that looks like it’s going to eat us.”
Rukia, Ichigo, and the cat looked up at this one. My cat squirmed out of my now-inattentive grip and jumped to the ground gracefully, looking like he was ready to claw his way through the nearest scratching post. Rukia pulled a bunny-shaped candy dispenser out of nowhere, and Ichigo started clutching at his pants in a very awkward way. I took a few steps back, shooting them all weird looks.
My God, I’m standing with a bunch of freaks. Heck, if I told Ichigo Santa was coming, he may feel the need to take his pants all the way off.
“Well, as disturbing as that reaction was,” I told Ichigo and Rukia, who were now looking rather confused as the tried to find the supposed ‘monster’, “I’m gonna head home. It’s starting to get dark, and besides, I think you guys are becoming a bad influence on my cat.” I smiled and scooped the little black animal and my book off the ground. “Seriously,” I laughed, “you guys know there are no such things as monsters, right?” The cat started purring again. I looked down at him, and did a double-take. I could have sworn he had just winked at Ichigo and Rukia.
Ichigo and Rukia laughed companionably, deciding to just go with the flow. “Hey, Masako,” Ichigo said suddenly, growing somewhat serious. “Do you really want that cat? Because if you don’t, I’ll take him. Yuzu and Karin would be thrilled.” He reached forward, ready to take my new cat away from me. The little animal mewed sharply, blinking stubborn golden eyes.
“Nuh-uh,” I said, pulling away. “Not so fast. I do want this cat. Look at him, he’s so cute! But for the sake of Yuzu and Karin…” I tapped my chin, pretending to think. “I’ll make a deal with you.”
Rukia rolled her eyes, and Ichigo drew a hand over his face. I had been known to make “deals” before. “What is it?” he asked warily.
“As we all know,” I began, “my mother absolutely despises cats. She thinks they’re disgusting, because they step in a litterbox and then walk all over her house. Anyway, my parents left to celebrate their anniversary last night, and I have the house to myself tonight. But they’re coming back tomorrow. They’ll make me get rid of him anyway, so why not save me the trouble and come pick him up around noon tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Ichigo smiled. He had probably been expecting worse. This was one of the most reasonable deals I had ever made. “The girls will be so happy.” He said goodbye and took a few steps down the street, heading towards his house. “Coming, Rukia?”
“Bye, Masako!” Rukia waved, following Ichigo. I waved and started walking in the opposite direction towards my house. The cat purred comfortingly, nuzzling closer to my chest. I smiled, glad that at least I got to keep him for one night.
I posted this in three parts...it's so long, I couldn't fit it all in one part.
I have no "spiritual abilities" in this fanfic, just to warn you. I can't see Hollows or anything like that. Keep that in mind.
Inkheart is not mine. It was written by Cornelia Funke. Bleach isn't mine, either, for that matter.
I hope you enjoy this and actually find it funny
******************************************************************************
I ran my finger along the dusty spines, the embellishment bumping against my skin as I searched for the book I wanted. Finally, I caught a glimpse of its gold embellished title among the sea of books. “Finally,” I muttered to myself, wedging it out from between the massive volumes on either side. “Inkheart.”
I made my way over to the overstuffed couch at the end of the towering row of shelves, plopping down with a sigh and cracking open the book. Apparently, nobody had read it in what must have seemed like eons, even though the book itself wasn‘t that old. But this wasn’t really a surprise to me. Not many people had ever visited the old Karakura Town library in the first place, and since the new library had opened downtown, it had become a virtual ghost town.
Except for me. I loved it here. It was so quiet, so peaceful, so serene. Walking into the library from the hectic hustle and bustle of Karakura Town was like walking into another dimension. It was my favorite place in the world to spend a lazy afternoon.
I was jolted from my book and back into reality by the shriek of the librarian. My nerves buzzed with electricity as I sprinted through the maze of bookshelves, my copy of Inkheart tucked clumsily under one arm. I skidded to a stop in front of the checkout counter, panting. I took a minute to catch my breath; what I saw in front of me wasn’t exactly what I would classify as an “emergency”.
The librarian didn’t even register my presence. She was too busy attempting to pull clumps of her sparse hair from her skull and climb backwards over the counter at the same time. She never taking her eyes off of the small black cat, which was purring comfortably from its seat on the counter.
Yeah. A cat. And this was no street-toughened, one-eyed, raise-the-hair-on-the-back-of-your-neck alley cat, either. I’m talking about the image of kitty-like adorableness, with a long swishing tail, a rather large pair of fuzzy ears, and big round golden eyes. I stepped forward hastily, an undoubtedly goofy-looking grin spreading across my face as I reached towards the cat.
“DON’T!” the librarian shrieked. I froze, the electricity fizzling in my veins as it fought to find a way out. The librarian’s eyes were still glued to the little black cat. “It’ll hurt you! Black cats are supposed to be the animal version of a martial arts expert. Like an animal Shinigami. It’ll bite you, and you’ll get rabies, and then I’ll have to call an ambulance, and they’ll bring you to the hospital, and you’ll die, we’ll all die, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!” With this, she burst into tears.
I raised an eyebrow. had always known the librarian was crazy, but I had never realized she was this crazy. I was now pretty sure that this was how she had scared so many of the avid readers of Karakura Town away. “Ummm…I’m gonna take the cat,” I bundled the purring animal in one arm, “And I want to take this book; should you check it out before I go?”
A strangled gasp of fear broke through the librarian’s sobs. “NO! Don’t come near me with that devilish little monster. Don’t even bring that book back. I don’t want to even touch it again. Nobody ever even comes in here anymore an…AHHH! LOOK! LOOK! IT WINKED AT ME! THE HORRIBLE LITTLE MONSTER WINKED AT ME!” The librarian crumpled in upon herself, sobbing.
“Okaaay,” I said slowly, backing towards the door. I felt kind of bad for her, but I was in no mental condition to figure out how to help. Besides, I had the cat. “In that case…I think I’m going to give you some time to deal with your fear of cats…bye.” With one final push and a last glance at the still-hyperventilating librarian, I stepped out into the sun-drenched air.
“Whew,” I said to no one in particular. “That was…chaotic. And kind of creepy.” The little black cat mewed in agreement, blinking bright gold eyes up at me. Wow, I thought to myself, staring at the magnificent creature. It’s almost like he can…understand me. Like he’s almost...human.