@kita mikichi:

I finally, finally, finally read your comments on the latest Survival Instincts chapters. I agree with what you said about your first comment on chapter 9. I'll go and fix that. As for chapter 10, I see what you mean; it needs a lot of work. I'll try to think of a way to make it flow better. As of now, I still don't know what to do to continue the story.

Comments on ch. 10:

While I'm glad the gang's back together, Dice's sudden change of heart - going from being afraid of hurting them to saying he wants to live among humans - was a bit jarring.

The parts where Dice is recounting his past feel disconnected from their conversation, especially when it jumps from the kids' reactions back into flashback. ("The description of the event made Naomi sick to her stomach. After decades of torment, he..." -jumps from Naomi's POV to He.) Not sure if it would help to include some transitional sentences or dialogue from Dice's POV?

Nice twist at the end with the Children of Terra - didn't see that one coming!

To answer your Qs on ch 9:

1. This is a tough one. If Naomi and Marshall's powers are an effect of the drug that Dice's siblings created (derived from his blood), then that's been active in them all their lives. So, it would make sense if the healing effect of Dice's blood also remained active for a long period of time.

2. I don't think the flashback in ch. 1 is redundant, but the bit of dialogue right after is nearly identical to what Naomi says here. ("I fled home because I am a transgressor.")

Comments on ch. 9:

Love the way you portrayed Naomi's reaction to the unfamiliar foods. And Marshall's mom is... a piece of work. 0.o

@Keba Si Rota:

That happens to all writers, I guess. XD

@kita mikichi:

I fixed those typos, too. What was I thinking with that "she followed her eyes" thing? And why didn't I catch it in all the times I reread this chapter? @_@

You're welcome!

On second read, I caught a couple more things:

"But that doesn't mean your owner won't do it himself."

She followed her eyes (maybe "her eyes followed the object" or something similar?)

Comments on the plot:

GAH, what a mess! What are they going to do now?? Someone take that nasty mind-control potion away from Dice's siblings!!

@kita mikichi:

Thanks for all the proof-reading you've been doing, Kita. I'll have to go in and change those.

Today, the proof-reading's coming first!

"Dice tried to rid himself from Marshall's grip" should probably be "free himself from" or "wrench himself from".

Also spotted a typo: Dice...hurtled him into a nearby tree.

@Keba Si Rota:

You're welcome!

Cheers! We now have completely uncharted waters! :D

@kita mikichi:

Thanks for checking the chapter over. I want to get feedback on the next few chapters because (a) nobody has read them yet and (b) I know they need work.

Chapter 7 - Agh, just when we thought they had a moment of peace! The siblings are back too soon!! >.> (Tackling one of them was the last thing I expected Naomi to do!)

On the technical front, I don't see any real issues. ^^b

@Keba Si Rota:

Yeah, maybe, because at that moment, it's like the reader isn't in any of the characters' heads or following any of their actions.

@kita mikichi:

You know, I didn't even think about that last point you mentioned. Do you think that if I write about Naomi healing Marshall that it would make the story flow better?

As for Naomi trying to move the rock, it was just blocking her path. I'll reread that part and try to clarify it a little more.

Chapter 6 - Woah, yeah, that was a little... *shivers* But I'm glad they rescued Dice and are (pretty much) okay and learning to use their powers.

Critique:
▪I got a little confused earlier in the chapter - was Naomi trying to move a rock that had her pinned, or was it a rock that was blocking a pathway?
▪It was a little awkward the way Naomi left the scene to help Marshall. It took me out of the action for a second. (I kind of wondered how Marshall would react to what she used to heal him, too, but that took a back seat to them getting Dice out of there.)

@Keba Si Rota:

No problem. I can be the same way sometimes. ^^;

I'm going to read through it again. The first time through, I was more into the story and thinking about the plot, and next time, I'll look for technical tidbits. ^^b

@kita mikichi:

I sincerely apologize for not responding to this in a timely manner. I'm kind of shy about replying when people read my work. >///<

Do you think it's ready to post or do you see any typos or other stuff?

I love the scene with the police officers. And the scene on the bus. XD

I like how you have each of their issues starting to snowball.

And Dice is in BIG TROUBLE. 0.0 Eek! (I guess family does "mean nothing" if THOSE TWO are his family.)