Where dreams invade my reality

Ayo! 2021 is nearly over so time for a life update!!

Hey hey!! its been a while!

with how crappy I've been feeling this year I am incredibly excited for it to finally be over! Not that next year will be any different I guess but maybe it might be? I don't know!

I gotta say, i really miss drawing and creating stuff but with the way everything is even if I do create, I'll most likely just keep it on my usb. I remember being so happy and excited to share art back when I first joined this site! I kinda miss that too haa.... Nowadays I always second guess myself and think "The colours are ugly" or "The faces aren't perfect!" so I end up really discouraged and unable to share anything. I think I'm being too hard on myself but I don't really know how else to be lol

Anyways, I feel like all I do is complain ( I do XD ) which is also a bummer so! I hope this year ends and the next begins quickly so I can hopefully move forward and gain back some confidence in myself! Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate in the ss this year due to my declining mental stability so I hope you'll all have happy holidays!

AND have a happy new year!!! :D

Blegh~

Gonna vent a whole heap so turn around now if ya dont wanna see that!

ANYWHO! What's good? I am crashing and burning horribly! Which led me to make a fairly difficult decision regarding art! and well, it sucks but I've decided I don't really want to make art anymore! It was a coping mechanism all throughout school, and I really truly enjoyed it! BUT unfortunately, between working and dealing with real life drama, I just don't have the energy or time to do art. More than that though, I don't really derive any kind of enjoyment from it anymore? Like I used to make art to help get through all the tough things I went through in my teenage years but now? I don't feel like I really need to draw as an outlet any longer and thus I've kinda lost interest in it.

Although, in saying that, I don't have any other healthy outlets for any of the troubles I'm having so maybe I'm just making a hasty decision here? I'm not sure, but anyways, I'm taking a step back from pretty much all social media too, maybe I'll abandon them completely in time which might be for the best.

Eh, I guess I'm just very unhappy so I'm doing all kinds of wacky stuff to try and I dunno, kickstart some kind of reaction from myself? So far, not working at all but whatever, I'll figure something out eventually.

Nice n slow

WOW! Things seem to have really quite slowed down lately! Work has been fairly quiet, nothing much has been going in my personal life and even online things seem to be.....slow?

Of course I'm only referring to my own personal online experience, I know there is....a whole lot of nonsense going on atm, but since I'm mainly only active in closed discord servers, I've been mostly just skating by and ignoring everything outside my circle.

Which, I'll be honest, its pretty nice just chatting in closed discord servers with people I'm close with. Interaction on a larger scale always overwhelms me and I'm really thinking about just abandoning some platforms! Of course I'll still create art and stuff but....not being under pressure to post things or interact all the time sounds heavenly LOL!

Idk I guess I'm just getting tired of everything, which happens often. Going through cycles like this where everything seems incredibly uninteresting.....I started just writing ideas down in notebooks, none of which I ever actually create but it's nice to just empty it all out of my noggin' yanno?

ANYWAYS!!!! Hope ya'll are staying safe out there!

Happy new years!

WOW!.........2021...............We made it....

I sincerely hope everyone had a good holiday/New years experience! I just slept and ate heaps of food.....so not really different from the rest of the year LOL!!!

Kinda having a tough time making new art lately! and also just participating in anything...... probably just the seasonal blues? It's summer right now and I think we've officially entered the rainy season.

Which means if it isn't monsoon strength rains then its muggy and disgustingly hot....ugh!! Ive been avoiding doing my laundry....and I stretched myself thin trying to draw for zines that I don't really want to draw for......I feel awful for saying yes and then dipping out but that's my fault for not having the guts to say no in the first place.....heh....

Eh oh well, I'm pretty sure I cause 90% of the issues that plague me but does that stop me?? NOPE!

Hopefully 2021 is the year I learn to just quit being a dumbass!!!!

Halloweenie!!

AAAAAAAA the best holiday of the year and I'm stuck doing nothing but voting!!?!?! LAME!!!

In other news! I've been getting invited as a guest artist for zines lately, it feels kinda nice but also waaaaayyyy nervous..... I suppose I still have a rather low opinion of myself and the things I create so I find it odd when people want to pay me? For art?? Idk Idk!!!! It's confusing LOL!!

I hope the rest of the year breezes by and next year will be better! Tall order I know BUT!!! We must sow the seeds to see the harvest!!!!!!!