Okay, so I know that I'm virtually unknown here at theO, but I'm hoping to change that soon...if I can get my scanner to work or get some good FanWords going. Basically, this is where I'm going to tell everything that's going on with me personally as well as how anything I'm working on for theO is coming along. So with that, please enjoy.

My Little Glass Box

Just a warning, but this may be a little depressing. I've been really depressed lately and just needed to write everything out.

Can you imagine being trapped? Like a rat stuck in a little cardboard box? How horrible that must be. For a long time, I could think of nothing worse. One night, I realized that there was something worse. The cruelest most deppressing thing of all would be to be stuck in a box made of glass.

A rat in a cardboard box cannot see what is going on around it. It doesn't know what it's missing; what it could be doing. However, a rat in a glass box can see the entire world going on around it and not even noticing the poor creature's exhistance. It can see all the others being happy and enjoying themselves whether he's there or not. Can you imagine how horrible that must feel?

Cardboard can be bent, ripped, or even chewed through. Upon the escape, a whole new world would open up in front of the rat. There would be so much to see and do that was completely unknown before. A glass box, on the other hand, does not bend, rip, or allow for any means of escape. If an escape was somehow pulled off, where would the poor rodent go? They've seen the ways of the world and probably have learned not to trust others so where do they fit in?

Would you rather be stuck in a dark, secluded, unknowing place or a bright, but restricting and taunting place?

I picture myself as the rat in the box of glass. My life has been decided for me. I can see everyone and the joy they're experiencing, but I cannot partake. For me, life is just a show to watch from the quiet of my little box. My parents have put me in this box. It's such a small and depressing place with no hope of escape. It seems to me that they do not plan to let me out. I often wonder what I should do. Rebel and have the box shrink? Or endure and hope that I manage to outgrow the box until it cracks and I am freed? For now, I lie in wait of a sign of hope.

It amazes me that I am able to put this into words. The seclusion of my box has made me incapable of good communication. I can't even hardly bare to touch humans anymore. My friends are all the hugging sort of people. Whenever they come near, I shrink inside my skin. They know I hate to touch people and they respect my space, however, recently they've decided to try to challenge that problem and force me to overcome it. I'm lucky to have them. Especially since I hardly talk. My box has secluded me from society as a whole. This includes: movies, music, TV shows, stores, restaurants, even brands of clothes, shoes, ect. When they try to start conversation with me, I never know what they're talking about. Most times I feel like more of a burden than anything because people can't even have small talk with me without explaining something that apparently everyone should know about.

I know this sounds depressing and maybe even like I've given up on life, but I honestly see no means to free myself. The rat is probably less helpless than I. Whatever happens, I will overcome it. Please do not worry about me too much, I'm just depressed and need to vent. As I said before, I'm not good at communication and this is way to deep for me to even attempt to tell my friends.

The internet is my best chance at the moment to communicate with others. I feel less constricted and more like I can speak my mind.

Youtube + Free time = O.o

I'm sure that from time to time all of us end up on Youtube. Anything you want to see, you can find on Youtube. During the past two nights, I stayed over at a friends house. Normally, we just play video games, but this time, we went to Youtube.

Somehow, Youtube has become the largest and most known site for viewing EVERYTHING without ever advertising. I will admit, I do love to go to the site quite often, but it never occured to me how much time I spend there until recently. People waste hours upon hours upon hours watching things they would never normally be interested in...and they love it. Just this morning, I found myself watching a video about two guys playing cornhole and singing about it. For those who don't know, cornhole is a yard game where you throw bean bags at elevated boards with holes cut in them and try to get the bean bag through the hole. The evening before, I had been watching a fake David Blaine drive these two guys insane using his magic tricks. Many of us, I'm sure, have fallen victim to these time wasting videos. However, the real question is why do we all watch such pointless videos and love every second of it? I'm not against Youtube, I'm just wondering why it is so easy to spend an entire day at the site even when you're not watching anything.

Honestly, I really enjoy Youtube. It just baffles me that over the past two days I've spent 90% of my time on Youtube yet I hardly remember watching more than 20 or so two-minute videos. Do you all do find yourselves doing this as well?

My Parents

It seems to me that the best place to start with this is my parents. They are literally in control of every aspect of my life. They decide everything that I do, including what TV shows I'm allowed to watch. I'm not even allowed to watch PG13 movies yet.

So now you're probably thinking, "Ok, this kid must be like twelve years old" right? Well, shockingly, I'm fifteen going on sixteen...honest. Sure I've seen a couple of PG13 movies, but I mean, come on, do Harry Potter and Pirates of the Carribean really count? Yeah, I didn't think so.

As you can see, my parents are insanely strict. I know virtually nothing of what's really going on in the world. People will try to start a conversation with me by asking me if I've seen some sort of movie or like a certain singer or whatever and I'll have no clue what they're talking about. I think the most recent one was, "Hey, do you like Kanye West?" My reply was, "Who? The name sounds familiar, but I have no idea who you're talking about?" (I actually just had to google them to remember what they're name was. I was thinking Keyona West or something like that.) *sigh* Apparently he or she is a very famous singer-type person as I got a very loud, "OMG?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! GUYS, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO KANYE WEST IS!!!" So of course the whole class turns around in awe and gawks at me for the rest of the class period. ...and people wonder why I never talk.

I blame my parents. They have sheltered me from the world. I've seen like five PG13 movies total, can't watch anything on adult swim except for bleach & death note, and can't even talk to boys outside of school. ...Actually, I hate to think how they'd react if they saw this.

Well, if you're interested, I can tell you more about my secluded and sheltered life and some of the weird things that happen to me.