This is my vent post world. I wanted to make a separate world for them so that my friends can be warned, as the title states, because few people like to read sad or angry posts. So this is my unhappy world, or as I like to call it, my world of excessive life angst.
Or my world of "Need to scream like Voldemort"
That kind of world.
The kind of world that exists because the world is that way sometimes.
This world isn't going to be pleasant, so BE WARNED.
So I've been having a bad few days. First of all, my best friend is going through some bad stuff, which stresses her out a lot. This means she has been lashing out at me. I don't blame her, but I'm really getting sick of being yelled at all the time--by her, by my parents, by teachers, it just makes me feel stupid and worthless.
And what have my parents done? Well, you see, I was trying to arrange some after-school math help from my teacher, because I suck at math. But I couldn't find my teacher, and I didn't have her class yesterday. So I figured, "I'll see her tomorrow, I'll arrange something tomorrow". And I went home. I had never promised to do ANYTHING! I'd only told my parents, "I'll try to find her today, but if not, I'll work out something tomorrow when I have her class." But my dad called me from work saying, "Why are you home? I e-mailed your teacher and said you'd be there. She's waiting for you!" So I was stuck home (with no ride) my teacher thinks I blew her off, and my parents are mad at me. But how was I supposed to know? He e-mailed her WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL! Like I'm five years old or something.
I'd decided to go home partly because I couldn't find my teacher and partly because I'd had an emotionally stressful day. Not getting into details, but all I wanted to do was go home and eat comfort food, like soup or something, and to see my friends. The best part of my day is definitely waiting for the bus, my friends all laugh and joke, they're accepting, and they give a lot of hugs when you say you need a hug. And yesterday, I just needed that. I didn't have it in me to stay late and do more work. So even if I had known about this arrangement my dad made with my teacher, I probably would have found her and said, "You know what? I just can't do it today." But I didn't know, so I never told her that I wouldn't be showing up.
Best part? Once my parents were done yelling the same stupid shit over and over, making me feel like crap, they decided to ground me from Facebook for two weeks. I said, "Fine" because I don't really spend that much time on Facebook anyways. I mean, it kinda sucks to be cut off from knowing what's going on with all my friends, but I could deal. But they took my computer. Even though I'm only grounded from Facebook, they took the whole damn computer. Even though it would be easy for them to check and see if I had been on Facebook, they didn't think of that. And now I have to do my online homework last-minute before school, which is usually when I talk to my friends a little. And since I'm staying after school from now on, this means I'm getting no more emotional support from my friends, and I also can't be there for them if they need me, which sucks. So I'm on theO from school now. I won't be able to enter challenges for two weeks, because I kinda need my computer to draw. (I can't draw freestyle, I have to see something to draw it.) Sorry for this long rant, I'm just really upset and tired and emotionally a tornado right now. I don't even have music from my computer to help me de-stress. My room feels so empty without music.
The worst part is, though, that I thought all that family therapy we went to was helping. I thought they really understood me now, and would do less patronizing and screaming and just try to help me feel better about myself. And I guess I let my guard down, because this really got to me, even though they used to pull this shit all the time before we went to that family therapist. I learned to block out the yelling and try not to take their words to heart. But since we've been better, I let myself trust them. And they yelled and screamed and started with the emotional sledgehammers, and I don't feel like I'll be able to trust them again. I just want to bang my head against the wall and scream the F-word over and over.
I want today to be over. It has sucked. I don't wanna go into it. I just hate today. I hated today since I woke up this morning, and it's not getting any better. All I want is for it to be tomorrow and better.
I'm not going into it, except to ask those of you who are religious to please pray for my best friend and for her family. There's some stuff going on right now, it's personal and I don't want to say anything she wouldn't want me to say, but I do hope that people will pray for them...
I may not be posting for a while. I'm kind of having a bad time at the moment. Homework and a billion different standardied tests at school are part of it. I'm also worried about our cat, he's been throwing up for days, and we don't know what's going on. My braces got messed up and seem to be poking a hole through my lip, and I just recieved some bad news and a few truly pathetic excuses that made me pissed off as hell. So, sorry, I won't be posting for a while.
