Everyone, good or bad people, have faults. The most perfect person in the world has faults. And they do hate themselves for it, but just because they don't show it, doesn't mean it's not there. You really shouldn't be hard on yourself for having faults. We all do. No matter what. And that's okay because that's what makes us human.
Yeah, I know that you are and I always love hearing your outlook on life. I know I am a good person, but that's actually what scares me, because good people still have faults. I can't always stop mine. My shortcomings have hurt people before, and I don't like that. Although I suppose I should give myself a break there, because good people have hurt me too. They seem to forgive themselves more easily than I can forgive myself. But that's another remnant of my upbringing; our flaws are overly impressed upon us, and it's been made clear to us that we are to be ashamed of them. If I ever have children I think it's important to be very casual abut all but the most important of things, but that's off the point. My point is that I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I've continually hurt someone, or hurt them in a way that had a lasting effect. I'm not counting my family in that life goal because it's already too late, but if I have children in the future I just don't want to screw them up too badly, you know? Same goes for my friends. I want to be able to have a caring, natural, unforced relationship with them, and, of course, with whoever I may date or marry. That's so hard for me (partly because of how I was born and partly because of my upbringing).
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
First of all, you are a good person. I don't know you real well, but I can see the good in you even if you yourself can't.
You can change. Everyone can.
Wanting isn't enough, however. Doing is.
If you ever need help, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm, like, the poster child for change.
No. As a matter of fact I really hope that I can. Right now I'm just trying to hang on from day to day, but I have got plans to aim for, and they involve me being a good person.
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Yeah, I know that you're right. I have seen better role models of family and friendship. I was just feeling really bad this morning because this Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. My mom's trying to make my brother and I act in a way that she remembers Christmas from her childhood so that she can pretend she still has that. My dad is trying to defuse her temper, but she doesn't want to be defused when she gets like that, she just wants to be mad and yell. I used to think that I would 'just be myself' and not be like them, but I've found so many of their bad behaviors surfacing in me without my realizing it.
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
In reference to the part where you said you want to give your own family a life full of love but you're not sure you know how...
I know how you feel. I grew up getting walked all over. I have so many insecurities from being mentally and verbally abused. My parents fought all of the time. It was terrible when us kids would get caught up in the middle. My family isn't touchy feely. I have never seen my parents kiss, and I've only see them hug each other once in my 23 years. So growing up, I hated it when people touched me. It freaked me out. I didn't know how to tell people no, I didn't go out, and I was so freaking shy that no one ever noticed me.
But the key to overcoming all of that is finding someone to help you out of that. My ex was so good for me in the sense that he challenged me to be a better person. He was so patient and helped me through all the awkwardness that was me trying to get used to a relationship. He pushes me to speak my mind rather than keep it all in. He's helped me get over a lot of insecurities. He's making me a better person.
And that's all you need.
Sarasface
Ethereal Wanderer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/23/13 | Reply
@DemonsandAngels:
Yeah, I know you're right.
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/23/13 | Reply
@Sarasface:
Everyone, good or bad people, have faults. The most perfect person in the world has faults. And they do hate themselves for it, but just because they don't show it, doesn't mean it's not there. You really shouldn't be hard on yourself for having faults. We all do. No matter what. And that's okay because that's what makes us human.
Sarasface
Ethereal Wanderer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/23/13 | Reply
@DemonsandAngels:
Yeah, I know that you are and I always love hearing your outlook on life. I know I am a good person, but that's actually what scares me, because good people still have faults. I can't always stop mine. My shortcomings have hurt people before, and I don't like that. Although I suppose I should give myself a break there, because good people have hurt me too. They seem to forgive themselves more easily than I can forgive myself. But that's another remnant of my upbringing; our flaws are overly impressed upon us, and it's been made clear to us that we are to be ashamed of them. If I ever have children I think it's important to be very casual abut all but the most important of things, but that's off the point. My point is that I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I've continually hurt someone, or hurt them in a way that had a lasting effect. I'm not counting my family in that life goal because it's already too late, but if I have children in the future I just don't want to screw them up too badly, you know? Same goes for my friends. I want to be able to have a caring, natural, unforced relationship with them, and, of course, with whoever I may date or marry. That's so hard for me (partly because of how I was born and partly because of my upbringing).
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/22/13 | Reply
@Sarasface:
First of all, you are a good person. I don't know you real well, but I can see the good in you even if you yourself can't.
You can change. Everyone can.
Wanting isn't enough, however. Doing is.
If you ever need help, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm, like, the poster child for change.
Sarasface
Ethereal Wanderer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/22/13 | Reply
@DemonsandAngels:
No. As a matter of fact I really hope that I can. Right now I'm just trying to hang on from day to day, but I have got plans to aim for, and they involve me being a good person.
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/22/13 | Reply
@Sarasface:
That doesn't mean you can't change.
Sarasface
Ethereal Wanderer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/22/13 | Reply
@DemonsandAngels:
Yeah, I know that you're right. I have seen better role models of family and friendship. I was just feeling really bad this morning because this Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. My mom's trying to make my brother and I act in a way that she remembers Christmas from her childhood so that she can pretend she still has that. My dad is trying to defuse her temper, but she doesn't want to be defused when she gets like that, she just wants to be mad and yell. I used to think that I would 'just be myself' and not be like them, but I've found so many of their bad behaviors surfacing in me without my realizing it.
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 12/22/13 | Reply
In reference to the part where you said you want to give your own family a life full of love but you're not sure you know how...
I know how you feel. I grew up getting walked all over. I have so many insecurities from being mentally and verbally abused. My parents fought all of the time. It was terrible when us kids would get caught up in the middle. My family isn't touchy feely. I have never seen my parents kiss, and I've only see them hug each other once in my 23 years. So growing up, I hated it when people touched me. It freaked me out. I didn't know how to tell people no, I didn't go out, and I was so freaking shy that no one ever noticed me.
But the key to overcoming all of that is finding someone to help you out of that. My ex was so good for me in the sense that he challenged me to be a better person. He was so patient and helped me through all the awkwardness that was me trying to get used to a relationship. He pushes me to speak my mind rather than keep it all in. He's helped me get over a lot of insecurities. He's making me a better person.
And that's all you need.