Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
Is it just me, or has August just disappeared? Well, I did spend about half of it semi-comatose on the couch. The ramifications of which are biting me in the ass right now as I have no moneys... Friday is payday and its not going to be any help. It's just going to be a tease.
It's girl time, and it just drains my energy. I wasn't overly angry this time during my PMS though. Just really tired.
Working overtime the next 3 days, just an hour a day to start, we'll see. I might pick up some more if I don't fall asleep at my desk.
I realised yesterday that with the new work schedule I can use the gym at work for half an hour after work and not disrupt the dogs' schedule. I am too distracted at home to work out.
This was just a quick post with what's up. Maybe something substantial later.
I'm gonna warn you right now, there is no positivity in this post at all, and if you read it, it might eat your soul. That is all, carry on.
Today is the end of my time off for August... That means I will have to work tomorrow, and I am not looking forward to it. Why can't I get paid to stay home and be depressed on my couch. It's really my main talent...
I'm grumpy. I'm pretty sure it's partially due to PMS, but that just compounds my growliness. My friend sent me a text today that said "Hi". That was it. I responded about being grumpy and not knowing what I was going to do with my day.
Her response to that was, "Don't be grouchy. Think of my cute wedding photo. It makes me smile:) why are you grouchy."
Now, at first glance and to the untrained eye, it may look like she's trying to cheer me up. I'm sure she thinks that's what she thinks she's doing too, but when everytime I have a significant issue, he way of making me feel better is change the subject and try and make me not think about it, it infuriating. It's like my feelings are so disingenuine that distracting me will make them go away. That's why people drink, to make shit go away. I'm not so weak as to need to hide from my ugly feelings. It also makes me feel like she doesn't care enough to FUCKING LISTEN to me. she cares enough for me to be falsely happy.
I don't mean to be the wall of negativity that I seem to come off as. I have my fits of being fun and lively. I promise. After the pictures at Blair's wedding that's I'm too embarrassed to even look at and me own fear of Diabetic and just needing a positive change, I'm in need of working out. I did so today and I'm going to continue. 10 to 15 minutes on the bowflex and 15 to 20 minutes on the bike. Maybe eventually I'll change my terrible eating habits, but I'm not sire that's going to happen.
One step at a time, folks. I'm feeling like Bill Murray from What About Bob. If you are unfamiliar with that movie, watch it, NOW.
Good Lord, I have been having some ridiculous acid reflux lately. Probably mostly due to the fact that I didn't eat for several days. Now, before people jump my shit, I know it's bad to not eat. I know that I'm a terrible example, but whenever I tried, I just felt terrible and I got sick... No use wasting it if I wasn't gonna keep it, right? I finally had two separate meeals today, and I still feel terrible.
I had coffee with Kat tonight. It's weird how people can grow up, even in adulthood. I'm mostly referring to myself here. We had a talk about all my drama shit... and how blah blah blah. she asked how I was, and you know what? I'm weirdly alright. I have my fits of rage, and I left the house when he came over to do the promised yard work so I wouldn't see him. All in all though I feel I'm doing remarkably well. I'm afraid I'm just subverting the terrible feelling else where and they will rise again, but for all intents and purposes, it's just one more thing going on in one more day. To me and my circumstances, tomorrow is just like 2 weeks ago.
I did have a hilarious bad idea today. Jordan is a bog fan of Gilmore Girls and in one episode, after Jess dumps Rory Loralei and Rory throw deviled eggs at his car. I was viciously tempted to do that tonight. Part because I have fits of rage and part because while he'd be mad, he would also laugh because he'd get it. I was then angry because I couldn't in good conscience do it and this fabulous idea was going to go unappreciated because I no longer feel free to just text him or write on his FB wall and share things of our mutual humor or interest.
When he was here the other night, I told him that he is still one of my favorite people to have a conversation with, and I hope that they can continue. His new circumstances, however, will make that almost impossible. I would feel invasive and you can be damn sure, if the girlfriend came home to find the ex-wife just hangin' out on the couch watchin' 30 Rock with him, his life would not be so easy for a while. He, being dumb and male, for some reason thought that this next step might make spending time together less awkward. Um, yes, if it's only your feelings being taken into account here.
No more dwelling. My friends are awesome and drag me off of my couch and get me out. I don't want anymore beer though... My nephews start school tomorrow. I think starting on a FRIDAY is STUPID. So there, and with the heat, ugh...
I've been watching Skip Beat! all day. It's super great. God, where did my enjoyment of cute stuff come from? Episode 2 and 3 were way too relateable for me... heh. I think I might dye my hair orange now. I already chopped it off. Oh yeah, I chopped off about 12 inches of hair yesterday. My hair is still to my shoulders...
SunfallE has entrusted me with being a rotating Chat mod. I do enjoy lording power over people. Eh, according to Katana, I don't have a stick up my butt, so I might end up being too lax.
The sky clouded up and I couldn't watch the meteors. *sad face*
