"You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." --2 Corinthians 3:3
- Created By ink.black.sky
Life Goes On...
...and nothing really every changes.
Don't remember when the last time I posted was. Had to have been sometimes last week. Eh, not much has happened. I was sick last week--had a bad cold. Went home early on Tuesday and watched Tale of a Vampire. It was actually pretty good. It was uber corny, and cliched though; but, I was so out of it, the lameness didn't bother me. It was about vampires, the guy in it was handsome [even if he's old enough to be my dad], and there was a lot of blood and gore. I was appeased. Anyways, so I'm pretty much all better now.
I got my report card Friday. I passed. I got one friggin B. That sucks, it keeps me from all A honor roll. Not that I care about honor roll, I'm more concerned about college. Yes, I know they could probably care less that I failed one test in high school government class and it pulled my grade down a couple points--but I'm still paranoid.
What else is going on with me? I don't know. Basketball season starts today. My mom's the coach, and my older sister plays on the team [and I'm a lazy bum who doesn't play] so I'm stuck at school until they get done. I also have dance today. Yipee. It's only like 2 months in and I'm already regretting taking this class. I used to adore ballet, now it's more like an obligation because it's expected of me to continue doing this through my senior year and then my mom wants me to minor in dance in college, and that's just not going to happen. For one, I'm not good enough, and I'm not stupid enough to dilude myself into thinking that I am good enough. And for two, I dislike it now. I know it's probably because I dance with a whole bunch of snobish, stuck up brats who only care if their hair looks alright, or if they have a boyfriend, or whoever is sleeping with who, and omigod did you see what she was wearing yesterday. Whereas, I have a life.
Ok, so I don't really have a social life, but at least I'm not shallow. And I may have a little bit of an issue with my teacher...it's the same old thing year after year, nothing changes. She could at least make it interesting--and I always feel like all eyes are on me, because I'm the only one who doesn't openly whine about class so they think I'm extremely passionate about it, whereas I'm not. So I'm always the leader, the one where they're like, "Well, you're good so it's ok." Or "You can do it, you actually care." And yeah, I care because my parents have supported me finacially through my entire dancing career, so I don't want to let them down, and I care because my teacher has striven to make sure I can dance properly and she devotes her time to it, and I care because it's expected of me because that's the type of person I've put up the facade of being. Yes, I'm caring little Ink. I always have to look pretty, and be polite because if not it will reflect poorly on my parents. Because they have an image to keep up, and they think I'm turning into a recluse...and I know I am, because nobody ever really cares--because nobody ever sees! They just see what they want to see. They see someone who has it all together, someone who pretends everything's ok. Because it's easier to pretend than to think that out of all of your classmates you're the only one to have never had a significant other, and you're the only one not to be invited to go to the movies on Friday night, no, you find out that your ENTIRE class met there Friday night while you were at home, staring at some story that you want to write and want to publish, but you've just realized that everyone is signing the praises of some other girl in your class who is pretty, and talented, and thin, and smart, and all the things you're not.
Because obviously, I've been dilusional to think that I'm ever going to amount to anything when everyone else is popular, and pretty and smart, and talented. I'll just be someone who never amounts to anything. Never does anything extradorinary. That's what people like me do, we just exist. We don't live. Life goes on, and nothing ever changes.
Ugh.
I'm sick. Which is just fabulous. I have a scratchy throat, and keep coughing, and I feel like I have a fever, but I don't. Which is stupid. Right now all I want to do is curl up in my bed with a good book and then fall asleep before I have the chance to really get into it. Seriously. But I have ballet class tonight, which is going to be utterly diasatrous, because I can barely speak without coughing let alone strenuous physical activity. Bah. But I still have to go and participate, because I don't have a fever and therefore "I'm not sick". Which is crap. Seriously. If I die, you all know why.
School was boring. It sleeted here, so my classmates [I was actually in the office getting my tempurature taken at the time] had a sleet-fight, and when I went back to the classroom they were all covered in rain and sleet. I'm really glad I skipped class at that point.
I was going to write an entry for the Halloween Writers contest thing here on theOtaku, but what do you know, school totally screwed me over so I didn't get a chance to write anything. That sucks. I just want some free time, where I don't have to worry about school or dance or work or anything else. I want some time to myself, but whenever I do get time to myself I'm stressed out about all of the above. It's a conundrum.
EDIT: I survived dance, but I still feel worse than crap. I'm really tired now, and like inside my skin feels really cold but my skin is super-heated and crap. And yet, I'm still below the normal body tempurature for a human being. There's gotta be something wrong with me if I'm 98.2 and still feel nasty. I want to have a fever so I have an excuse to sleep away tomorrow. Otherwise I'm going to cry. Or die. Or something.
Quiero agua...
I'm such a slacker, I haven't posted in a while. Oh well. Umm, my week was kind of lame and really boring. The fact that more than half of my class fell asleep during Government on Monday is a testament to this week's boringness. I'm done with my college course. Yipee. Dear God, I hope I passed. I think I did, at least. I'll know soon. So, we're moving on to British Literature for the rest of the semester, which I'm not looking forward to because I'm pretty sure it's going to be tedious, and boring.
Work's been ok. All the little kids are hyped up about Halloween. They kept asking me what I was going to dress up as, I was like, "Well, I'm too old to go trick-or-treating, so my older sister and I are going to stay home and watch movies." Read: "I'm too old to go trick-or-treating ['cause if you're above the age of 12 and aren't accompanying a younger sibling or other child, you'll get arrested] so my older sister and I are going to stay home [because we're skipping out on a alternative-trick-or-treating thing at our church] and watch [scary] movies [and probably eat really unhealthy food and stay up really late, and run off trick-or-treaters by arming the security system and making it go off when people approach the porch]." Kididng about the last part, we live out in the middle of nowhere, so we don't get trick-or-treaters. At least I hope we don't. We just won't answer the door.
Homecoming week is coming up, and gotta say, I'm not excited. Juniors are planning it this year, because quite frankly we have ONE senior in the senior class, he though he's creative he's about as gung-ho about this project as a Jewish person would be about eating a BLT. [I mean no harm to Jewish people with my last comment, one of my best friends in the whole world is Jewish, and he's a pretty awesome guy.] Anyways, so it's well, technically it's just like 3 or 4 of us from the junior class that are planning this shindig. Because Muffin abandoned ship because 'we wouldn't listen to his ideas, so he sees no point in coming to the meetings if we're just going to shoot him down'. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Seriously. Whiny little pansy. So we've finally come up with a theme, and we're going to play volleyball. We can't dance [which sucks] because of the church my school's affiliated with. I've never actually agreed with the whole 'dancing is sin!' stuff they flaunt, so I don't know. We're just straddled with the restrictions. I, personally, think dancing is fine as long as you keep it wholesome. No explicite dance moves, por favor. Anyways, so to avoid conflict we're having a volleyball war.
Speaking of that, my class is waging war against 7/8 grade, because they beat us in dodgeball. It sucked. Seriously, who loses a dodgeball game against sissy, little 7/8 graders?! Of course, they did have their teacher [he's actually really awesome, and we wanted him on our team, but oh well...] and the fact that they enforced the 'if the ball you threw is caught, you're out' rule. Which is how we lost, because we can dodge and lob the ball pretty hard, but if the two people on their team who could catch caught it, then we were dead meat. We actually eventually got bailed out of that and went to help the children's pastor set up for a church event. We still want revenge. We're going for feet, and stomach shots next time, and taking out the strong first and leaving the weak to pick off with extreme, sadistic pleasure.
...
I'm so tired right now, it's not even funny. But, I still have my last physical therapy appointment tonight and then I have to run over to work to fill in for a guy who had a 'family emergency'. I just got the call about this at lunch, so I guess there goes my evening. I didn't really have anything planned, so it's not that bad. It's just postponing my relaxing weekend by a couple more hours. Oh well. Maybe I'll get paid overtime or something. Maybe then it'd be worth it...
I'm so tired...argh...I'll probably pick up a mountain dew on my way to work or something. I need the caffiene. I told my friends [who are going to the movies tonight] that they should swing by the studio and come entertain me as I work. Which would go over really well with my boss. [She'll get over it, us--her employees--tend to kind of be mouthy and sarcastic about her behind her back. It's probably a good thing we don't get fired.] I don't remember how exactly to handle money transactions, so hopefully nobody buys anything or pays tuition this afternoon, or else I'm screwed.
I need food. And soda. Or coffee. I wonder if I could swing by McDonalds after PT? Hmmm...that might work. Now the question is, do I have any money with which to purchase my desired fast food items...that answer is no. Dang.
Tests, and trips, and papers, oh my!
School-related things have completely dominated my life these last couple of days. It's crazy! I went to visit several colleges over the weekend. I have one that I really like, and hope that in a year and a half [or so] I'll be there!! Then I have all these monstrous papers to write. I got my English done last night. Now I have to write a paper for Algebra. Everyone gives me weird looks when I say that I have to write something for Algebra. I'm looking at it as a gift. Writing I can do, math I cannot. What can I say? I'm a words person, not a numbers person. And I just found out yesterday that I'm taking the PSATs tomorrow. I took them last year [and scored fairly well actually] but this year it counts towards scholarships and stuff like that, so I'm a little bit more nervous! Pray for me, you guys!! Other than school, dance and work, my life hasn't been to hetic! [laughing] I'm giving a devotional tomorrow at youth group, right before we have our monstrous human video. This performance is by far the longest we've ever done. It's craziness. I think it's like 14 minutes long of nonstop motion and music and insanity! I'm really excited about it, this is one of those performances that I can just feel God in. When we do certain things our adult leader told us to be praying for specific people [as in praying by name] during the performance. So whenever I perform it, I'm thinking I'm not doing this for me, for the people in the audience, I'm doing it for the person I've chosen to do it for and I'm doing it for Jesus. So that just makes it like 1000 times more special.
