I won't lie and try and say I'm good at this, or that I can relate, so this will be short. Sorry.
This might seem like it's coming out of nowhere since we sort of lost touch, and it's not like I'd ever really spoken to you much OOC but first of all, I am so sorry for your losses. I can only hope that you'll be able to come to terms with everything and find a place where you are no longer plagued by this grief - and can live with it instead.
As for your relationship; I would like to believe that it's not ruined, and you can fix things. Of course you're in a very rough spot, and you are dealing with something terrible, so lashing out is understandable. It's not right, but at the very least they should understand that even with the people we love most, we can lose our heads, and our emotions can get the best of us. Just start by apologizing (if you haven't already) and if you're able, talk with them about whatever you need to talk about so that you can come to an understanding.
I'm sure they care about you deeply too, and would be equally devastated if your relationship actually fell through. But the only thing that can help is communication, because inaction might only create a greater rift.

In any case, you're in my thoughts, and I really hope that you'll be able to heal soon.

Hey.
It's been a long time since we've spoken, and really, I probably wouldn't be on theO if it weren't for a twinge of curiosity. That said, I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for your losses. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I hope that things work out for you. You can always contact me via skype if you just want someone to talk to. Not everyone has lost someone, but for those that have, the experience varies, so I can't really go and tell you how to deal with your grief. I had a good cry with my family when my grandma suddenly passed from a heart attack, and then we cracked a joke or two to clear the air, and went on. Everyone is different, though. It's not much of a comfort, but your grandmother is no longer suffering. She never stopped loving you, and honestly, the last thing she would want you to do is be upset that you couldn't vocally say goodbye. When my great grandmother was dying, she called me by the wrong name. That was alright, though. I knew what she meant. Your grandmother is the same, I'm sure. She'd have known what you'd have wanted to say.
I'm not going to tell you to cheer up. You're allowed to grieve. You're allowed to be angry. All I ask is that you give yourself time to heal, both emotionally and physically, if you're still sick. If you feel up to it, maybe give your significant other a call, and see if you can try to explain? It might not work, but you'll never know unless you try.
You're a good person, from what I've seen. You're strong. This will pass. It may take a while, but it will pass. I wish you the best.

Hey. Hey you, yes you Toshiro. There's only one of you here, so don't pretend I'm not referring to you.
Now I can't pretend I know you well because I don't, but I know you couldn't have chosen a character to RP if you didn't already possess that fighting spirit within you. We are drawn to other people who resemble our inward desires and aspirations, so based on your character choice I'd like to assume you're one tough cookie. I like soft cookies way better, so we'll disregard that 'tough' part and say you're soft and squishy.
I doubt this is helpful information, but I lost my grandmother too and you know what haunts me today? The fact that I didn't care. I wasn't heartless or cruel, but I was indifferent. What separates our losses is that you desperately wanted to say goodbye while I remained as cold and lifeless as my deceased grandmother. I loved her in life, but in death I could not face her and tell her I cared. What I'm getting at is that your heart and life will be a testimony to her values.
*steps back and appraises you* I dare say she'd be proud of you. Now smile and remember we love you.
Love you like a cookie. A soft cookie too.
No.
That last part about the cookie was weird, forget it.

One of these days I will wake up and realize to check my post updates. Sorry I missed this. I know it has been hard on you this year and what you are going through (emotionally) is natural. I am sure the person you fought with will understand in time. They know you are and were under A LOT of stress. Like you, they will need time to heal from this and they will forgive you.

No pity, no feeling sorry and no lectures here... But one thing I have learned in my life of hard-knocks. Is a TRUE friend/lover/family type is there through thick and thin, right?

And as I have said...

You cannot say you lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed.

That works in all areas of relationships. I have few friends because of my attitude/beliefs, whatever label you want to put on it, but one thing I have learned is a true friend or lover or family member WILL NEVER turn their back on you. Feelings may be hurt, but time heals all wounds. Physical and Mental.

*hugs* Hang in there Toshi *smiles* Your true friends are always there for you if and when you need them. And the one you fought with will be back soon enough *smiles*.

Kita

Things will get better. Nothing lasts forever (especially the bad things). If you're having a horrible day/week/month/year, just remember that eventually something good will happen that will turn everything around.

Just like if you break a bone, it eventually heals. If you have a cold or the flu, it may suck for a couple weeks but eventually your body fights off the virus. The same thing goes for emotions and our hearts. They may get hurt from time to time and it may take a while for the wound to heal, but the truth is that it will. We may not know when, but it will.

There's no such thing as never and there's no such thing as forever.

PS: Thank you for the hard work you do despite having a horrible 5 months of the year. I hope the next 6/7 are better for you.

I'm sorry Toshiro. You're having a terrible year. .. and maybe there isn't much I can say to put a positive side to it. But I want to try. Take it or leave it. It's up to you. There's been a lot of grief in my house for over a year due to the death of someone really special. It's probably natural to be angry and upset and run-down. It's part of the process. Don't fight it. Everyone grieves differently and the first wave is the hardest. After that, then you can recall some of the good things easier.

I hope that you haven't lost your relationship with your significant other over all this; sometimes, the stress of being there for someone gets to be too much and space is needed but it doesn't mean it's the end. It never does when I need to pull back from too much. And fights happen. They don't have to break the relationship. Good luck, Toshiro. *hugs tight* Your friends are with you. Shoot me a PM if you want to talk more.

My heart goes out to you. I DO know how you feel and I know the pain runs deeper than anyone knows *hugs* I/we are here for you whenever you need. You know how to contact me if you need to talk (even if it is to vent) I am all ears and you can talk until your jaws hurt of you want *smiles* My prayers, thoughts and heart go out to you and your family. Hang in there... *hugs*

Kita

*hugs* I hope writing this little bit helped. Hang in there.

I'm sorry that its been a rough year for you.