I loved it!!! It almost made me cry TT.TT But thats awesome! Theres no words for me to explain how it made me feel TTwTT

@:

When I submitted this, I knew it wasn't as complete as I would have liked it to be. I wrote it in two sittings, then left it for a few days, and just felt that I could not get back into the mood for writing it. I ended up just submitting it because I felt that I probably wasn't going to be able to improve it more.

Thanks for the specific advice. I wasn't completely sure what I wanted to work on when writing it, but I did feel that there was more that was needed. Imagery definitely sounds right.

Though I have to admit that using the term "imagery" makes me chuckle; I haven't talked formally about writing using terms like that in years.

What I most enjoy about this is the imagery that flashes in the mind of the reader, namely, me. So, please bear with me as I write this, which is concerned with the style and method above all else. I hope something useful comes out of this.

I find that it can be difficult to elucidate what I'm getting at, hence the need for alternative perspectives to write from. Which is the right one to convey what I feel, not simply see? If I approach something with the respect it deserves, as this clearly does, and if I am careful enough to not damage that object of care, maybe, just maybe, I can communicate what it is that I find to be so endearing and compelling--the subject and object of my concern.

You see, I sometimes find myself in the position of damaging what concerns me by speaking about it in a way that does not suit it, does not reveal it correctly. And few things are worse than hiding things with words and expressions, when your intent was to reveal them. It is not so much finding the right "tricks" in writing; rather, it is more like finding the right voice to speak with (if you will pardon my pretentious sounding talk). And once we (all of us, not only I) find the voice that fits the occasion--people go on for spans of time trying to find it--it becomes a matter of using it to further reveal things we had not noticed before. It becomes a creative project, if you will. Only then are we able to finally begin expressing ourselves to one another--making the clouds go away.

Once we notice that we are engaging in something potentially creative, we find that we have not only taken another step forwards, but we have found (created?) a path of a different sort; one that is personal, but still open to others if they find it too. We do not simply leave others behind as some grand act of will; we mark where we have been and where we are going. We choose carefully now, so we do not remain hidden. It is then up to any one of us to listen carefully, to "see" where those words are pointing to. A mark of success in this area of finding or creating is when people understand what you are saying, without having to return anything more than a few sentences or meaningful glances, gestures. In a sense, we have arrived where you are.

How does all of this relate to your writing? (Not so) simple: We not only do this in our writings, we also do it in our lives. We speak one way and lose one another; we speak another way and learn more about that which we care for. Mistakes are made, of course, but that should not bring us to a halt. We ought to now know better than that. Furthermore, if our goal is one of finding, revealing, or creating, then we must always be mindful of the fact that we are never alone in our trials. We must engage with that significant other, otherwise, we will uncreative nothingness.

I'm on such a roller coaster of emotions as it is that I started crying towards the end here. And then I felt belt. And now I'm tearing up again.

Beautiful.
-Ryu