I'm kind of tired of just not succeeding in Illustration. It's rather frustrating to keep getting the same grade on project after project, especially when I put so much more work into one or the other. I'm just...tired of being just sort of okay, not really all that great. I don't feel like I'm getting any better, or improving all that much.
It's really, really hard to be best friends and roommates with the most talented person in the class, and probably one of the most in the whole department. I am constantly comparing myself and it drives me nuts because of how much it brings me down. I need to remember the words of Tom Servo: "Don't compare yourself. It ain't healthy."
But even for the sake of myself, I'm slowly slipping into a panic and questioning if I will ever amount to anything. Quitting my job has also been making me worry more than anything else, and all of this has not been good on my brain.
And this is why I've been out of sorts. I'm almost done with this year, and I will be so happy when I get to be home for five weeks and not have to worry so much. Maybe I can get back on track.
Not that I exactly expect this to be much of an event, but I need some motivation to work on illustrations for my CD project for graphic design class (that is such a needlessly complicated sentence), and I'm therefore going to be streaming. First stream in like, forever.
The art corner of doom is here and I'll be starting around 2pm CST. Not sure what I'll be doing for speaker audio. Come around if you're bored or if you need to pretend you're doing something.
Edit: That's done. Laptop was giving me issues (I'm think it's more the crappy internet) so I put a stop to it. Thanks to those who came by.
I believe I've made a post every Thanksgiving I've been here on theOtaku. It's one of those rituals I like to do, sort of a way of keeping track of the year and what-not.
Okay then...what have we got for my thankful list this year...
- My family for supporting and somewhat understanding me. They make a darn good effort, if nothing else.
- Two solid places to live.
They've got coffee.
- Jiaqi, Terumi, and Deborah, for being fabulous flatmates and friends.
- The younger kids, because they're pretty great too.
- All your faces. These past weeks have not been the greatest for a lot of us, and I am so blessed to have friends who stick together and help each other through whatever. We have our sames and our differents, but I think we're pretty awesome.
Me and my parents are off to see the new Muppets movie in a few minutes. Have a good Thanksgiving, everyone.
Grammar class has me ponder a lot of things that are not grammar-related. In fact, in recent weeks, I've been thinking of anything but grammar in said class, mostly drawing or really zoning out. Or both.
I was archive binging and found out that this day last year, me and my friends/roommates signed the lease for our townhouse. And it seemed to take forever to get to the point of moving in, which now seems like it was...um, quite recently.
Yeah, this semester has gone by pretty quick.
Today is also Tati's birthday! She's two! And I'm proud of this fact because that means I still like her two years later. Good for me!
And it's now Thanksgiving break. What am I doing? Drawing. And painting. Lots of drawing and painting. Because the fun don't stop when you art it up FOR YOUR LIFE what is wrong with my stream of consciousness.
Quit my job at the end of my shift. I had a tearful good-bye to everyone not my manager, which is what made leaving the job such a hard decision.
But I gotta look ahead. Looking into seasonal work, though I'm probably going to have better luck looking for stuff starting next semester around campus. In the meantime, I plan on trying to do some art stuff over winter break. Thinking of making Save the Starwhales an actual legit shirt and such.
But yeah. I had a good cry because I've grown quite attached to the people I work with. Well, most of them. Yet they all agreed with me; it's time to move on.
