Not much to say, just hope everyone's having a pleasant, fun, relatively safe Halloween =3 Send me candies! XD
I realize I haven't really been posting or anything, so here's an update.
It's been a while, but I did get those raffle prizes done, more or less. The panel was quite a success =D People loved the raffle and we were given extra prizes for the panel by the con, itself. (They were MLP figurines~) Someone even complimented my artwork =D
On that note, it's really the only positive news I have, atm. I've been trying hard to find ways to make money. especially on freelancer.com. It's been a little tough and even though I've been getting contacted on some of my bids, they've usually been scams or grossly underpaid. Either way, those ones were breaking freelancer.com rules, so I'd report their projects. *sigh* Plus, they have changed things since I'd signed up, there. now we have less bids to work with monthly. I've gone from having 30 bids per month to 10. But they included a "refresh rate" where you get a new bid every so many hours. Usually a a little over 2 days. Hopefully, the last bid I used today will be rewarded to me, as I preemptively struck by doing the job ahead and sending the finished product. Yes, I know there's a downside to that, but I can't get any poorer by doing it, can I?
Also, I had a really low point several days ago. I can't really say what I did, but I upset my mom a lot by doing it. I wasn't sure if I was going to go through with it, but everything just came crashing down on me at once. And I seriously cried for the first time in over a year... Mom practically tackled me to stop me and yelled at me. Then we talked and I cried more. It's been really hard for what seems like the longest time and the pressure broke me down and I almost gave up completely... but I'm better today. I can barely remember how far gone I felt... it was like I was dreaming and someone else was controlling me... Mom says it was demons... So I just need to stay strong.
But I think I regained the ability to cry, now. I haven't been able to properly since my grandma died, except for last year when the guy I'd finally worked up the courage to ask out rejected me, but that was the only time. It felt a bit like a waste liking him, but getting to know him led me to where I am, today, in a way... I don't know if that's a good thing right now, considering what I considered doing days ago, but it sorta is because of the other friends I have and some of the memories I've collected. Yeah, it might be stupid to have cried over one guy, but I'd always been the type to pour my all into being in love. Granted, I trust less nowadays. But I'm slowly opening up again. Slowly, barely, but it's there.
I've felt rather hopeless, lately. And scared. Hoping that someone would hire me and going through many "applications" online. In my current situation, my best bet has been to find a job that I can do from home so I won't have to worry about not being here and then my dad has a seizure or something. I'll keep trying, but I'll also try to remember to give myself a break and try not to stay up so late looking for work. If I stay up late, I should be having fun, at least.
Sorry to bum you all out, but that's more or less what's been happening, lately. If anyone knows of anything or anyone that needs someone who can do illustrations, write out short stories (I don't mind doing erotic ones, either...), type up documents, copy documents, proofread stories, or design logos or banners, then let me know. I can do any of these if someone just gives me the chance.
At any rate, I hope you all are doing well, my friends. I'm going to go take a short nap, get some food (I also need to remember to eat regularly, as I've had nothing, today...), and go carve my special pumpkin. I'll be putting up some pics when that's finished. Ja, mata ne.
On these prize arts for a raffle that we'll be doing for our Pony Panel at Ramencon. Hopefully if I finish them all, there will be 7 total. So if anyone's coming out to Ramencon next weekend, stop by Penn's Pony Perusal panel on Sunday =D We'll have some nice little prizes to give away~ =3
My Tablet, Waki, is dying and only getting worse. At a terrible time, too, as I'm trying to get a bunch of art-related things done for Ramencon next weekend. Serves me right for prcrastinating. I can't believe Waki's almost 5 years old =;_;= Time's gone by so quickly =TT_TT=
I just ordered an Intuos4 and replacement nibs to go with. After much searching and comparing, I think I got the best possible deal I was going to get. I almost bought a Intuos3 for $5 more, but I saw the one I ordered in the suggestions. I'd already had the other one in my cart and was having second thoughts. I'm glad I did. I could've gotten a much cheaper tablet, but nothing beats a Wacom, imo, because it's the only tablet that has batteryless technology for both mouse and pen. I don't want to have a top-heavy pen I'd have to keep buying batteries for. And I technically stayed close to the budget I'd set for myself, so I'm pleased about that. Even though I've been trying to avoid spending much money, a tablet, for me, is an essential thing to have. I can't do work without it. Otherwise I'd have to go back to using the touchpad, which is very difficult =o3o;=
I've ranted and justified spending a sizeable chunk of money enough. I actually got a really good deal, tho, considering the tablet. One model behind the latest for under $100 is practically a steal I hope it works as well as they say =3 I can return it withing 14 days of receiving it if not, which is reassuring, because a lot of the ones I was looking at said "NO RETURNS." I hate replacing my beloved Waki, (I felt the same way when I had to buy Alkaine to replace Laptillion...) but it had to happen eventually. I've been thinking of replacing him with an Intuos when the time came for a while (even before he started acting funny), but I hadn't thought the day would come for a while.
*yawns* I should probably get to bed... I spent so much time doing comparisons I didn't actually get any work done... Alrighty, this is the end of this rant. Laters!
I think that there's a higher chance that my family will lose our house... No one in our home has a job now and everyone's stressed... I really wish I could find something I can do online to make money so I'll still be around to help out... I'm so stressed and I'm internally freaking out... My mom's upset and my brothers are looking down on me... I've never had a job in my life and everything's that's happened since I'd gotten out of high school has made it all but impossible to get one... I am slipping into depression and I feel like I don't have anyone who has any answers... But I don't even know if I'm aksing the right questions... I just... I don't know what to do. The way things are going, it looks like I'll have to support this household. If that happens, I'll never be able to go live on my own. I'm angry because I feel a good chunk of my "good years" were wasted. And I'm sad to see what this situation is doing to our family... I don't even know where we'd go if we couldn't live here, but I don't want to lose this house. We've lived here all my life almost. And the main thing that makes it the hardest for us is taking care of our father/mom's husband... Every one of our lives has to revolve around him... *sighs*
I just... I feel lower than I ever have right now...
