Name: Kimberly
Nicknames: Kimi, Kimi-chan, Kim, KitKat, Kitten-chan, The dumbest smart person in the world (courtesy of my friends and family), Crazy/Psycho/Insane, Genius, la-fee-de-morte(deviantArt), Katana Black(FanFiction.net), Katana Black (FictionPress.com), Katsody (GaiaOnline), Katsody (TinierMe)
Residence: East Coast, USA
Interests: Reading, writing, music, gaming, manga, learning. I'm a writer, a musician, a gamer, and a scientist. If Barnes and Noble, Game Stop, a biological research lab, and a ramen shop all decided to collaborate on a single store, I would live there for the rest of my natural life and be in pure bliss.

Welcome to my world! Please buckle up and keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Don't worry about emergency exits; there are none. If you wish to exit before the ride is over, you do so at your own risk. If you sustain any form of brain damage, IQ reduction, and/or psychological disorder from any of these rides, I will not be held liable. Have a nice day and enjoy your trip!

HIATUS

Sorry, guys. I hate to do this, and I'm super-super-sorry, but I'm gonna have to go on a hiatus from writing. I'm too busy trying to prevent myself from committing suicide, and besides that, I couldn't write like this if I wanted to. So, to anyone who still actually follows me...I apologize. Hopefully I'll be back soon. It might be a while, because even if I can stop myself from suicide, I still have depression to deal with. But as I said, either this will work out, or it won't. If it doesn't, I'm really sorry. But for now, goodbye.

Help?

Does anybody know how to submit posts for publishing? There used to be that little checkbox at the bottom of the post page, but it's not there anymore. Writing is really the only thing I do, so I'd appreciate it if someone could help out.

~Kat

Fall Away

Things are...even, I suppose. Great in some areas, heartbreaking in others. I've done a lot of growing up since that last post. I've learned to stop being a child and think like an adult. I've realized the world I live in, and what I'll have to do to survive in it. I understand the meaninglessness of it all, and I've accepted it. I know what I am, what I've become, what I've turned myself into, and what I've done to myself, through no one's fault but my own. I know what I deserve, what I'm worth, and what I have to do. At the very least, I will not be a complete failure.

That said, graduation is coming soon, in just a week. It saddens me, but not for reasons you might think. It shouldn't sadden me, actually, but we're still a little weak. We're working on it. Leaving will be good for me, the best thing that has happened in a while. They'll forget me soon enough, and I can focus on what I need to do.

I've learned a lot.
Signed,
Kat

Hold On

It seems like everyone's telling me to do just that, but sometimes, they don't realize how hard it is. It's not so simple living your life when you can't find a viable purpose for it. Only fleeting moments, ephemeral triumphs that mean nothing in the grand scheme, and will only be forgotten as time progresses. The inevitability of it all...

I used to think, used to have some shred of hope that maybe someday my life will be worthwhile. But now, I'm not so sure I even have that left. Those lies, those contradictions--"you're unique, the world needs you, you and the talents that only you have"--"you're replaceable, there are a million and one other people out there who can do the same thing you do, it's a dog-eat-dog world"--how do people endure it? I'm certainly not strong enough. Only strong enough to survive, and just barely, at that.

Why try? I don't know anymore. I used to believe in love, but that was before. Before I destroyed myself like this in a vain attempt to preserve something not even worth the effort. No one could love me now, and even if they did, I would never let them. I couldn't do that to someone, just accept their feelings for me, all the while knowing how much I'll hurt them in return. It's unfair. I'll depend on no one but myself; that way, the only one I'll hurt is myself.

My only hope lies in death. Just give me someone to die for so I can live. Give me that meaning that I'm searching so hard for. Prove to me that any of this matters. I'd rather die for someone who...who knows their reason, than live a life forever doubting.

Musing at 2:38 a.m.,
Kat Black

Blurb

So, um, guess who hasn't been here in a while? Though, definitely sooner than the last time I stayed away. ^_^

I'm totally lovin' the new comment style.

I didn't finish all the stories I wanted (re: needed) to finish before Christmas, partly due to my computer being taken away, partly due to the fact that I was physically away for a few days as well.

Grrrrahhh, I need to go finish things.

Much love,
Kat

P.S. You can find me on Gaia Online and Tinier Me now, under the name "Katsody", if any of my friends here want to add me.