And I sometimes leave parts disconnected because certain parts sound more "menacing?" is that the word? "Stronger"? Anyway they sound better in my head like that. Also, I haven't re-read t his and done any serious editing/revising yet.
Ok, you have my interest peaked, and I think I am in love with Suisenro Koriyama. He sounds yummy *grins*. I sure hope we get to read more.
((Sorry but I have to agree with Karmira on that. Its like the flow stopped there then picked back up. Like her I am not trying to nit pick. Just trying to help *smiles*))
The Dreamer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
Hmmmmmmm...... very promising and very interesting... I'm very curious and hope to read more soon. I particularly like the way your descriptions and way you combine them with precise telling statements.
There is one section where I want to pick apart the writing. It doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest. Ignore me if you like it but like this part "She had a stoic look on her face. She revealed nothing" altered like this. "Her face, stoic, she revealed nothing.'
Now you're making me want to go back to MY Bleach fan fiction, which has been on the back burner for a LONG time.
Tsukiro Ashimitsu
Otakuite++ | Posted 10/10/13 | Reply
@Phoenix Whisper :
Oh, I have plans for him. Don't worry, there'll be a lot more of him where this came from. *smirks*
Tsukiro Ashimitsu
Otakuite++ | Posted 10/10/13 | Reply
@Karmira:
Thank you.
And I sometimes leave parts disconnected because certain parts sound more "menacing?" is that the word? "Stronger"? Anyway they sound better in my head like that. Also, I haven't re-read t his and done any serious editing/revising yet.
Phoenix Whisper
Otakuite++ | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
Ok, you have my interest peaked, and I think I am in love with Suisenro Koriyama. He sounds yummy *grins*. I sure hope we get to read more.
((Sorry but I have to agree with Karmira on that. Its like the flow stopped there then picked back up. Like her I am not trying to nit pick. Just trying to help *smiles*))
Karmira
The Dreamer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
Hmmmmmmm...... very promising and very interesting... I'm very curious and hope to read more soon. I particularly like the way your descriptions and way you combine them with precise telling statements.
There is one section where I want to pick apart the writing. It doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest. Ignore me if you like it but like this part "She had a stoic look on her face. She revealed nothing" altered like this. "Her face, stoic, she revealed nothing.'
Now you're making me want to go back to MY Bleach fan fiction, which has been on the back burner for a LONG time.