These are some poems previously added on dA, plus any new ones I write.
To see more of my poetry, click here!!
thanks(:

don't read this.

The day when I first started liking him was the day he told me about her.
She was pretty.
She was polite.
She was popular.
She was kind of nice, I guess.
I didn’t really know her,
I don’t think he did either.

From that day on I noticed him more
I saw how he talked a little louder when she was around
or bragged or tried to be funny
I noticed he held her hand a little gentler,
a little kinder.

Back then we were only friends
we had been friends for years and not once had I though of him as anything else
than a friend.

But suddenly,
something told me that I had to have him
so I did all I could
I changed my face
I changed my name
I was loud
I was popular
I was beautiful with long wavy hair flowing down my back
but I was happy.

So I did it. I made him like me. If it wasn’t for me it would have turned out much different.
And I fell hard.

Every breath he took made my heart flutter
every word he spoke I worshiped
every smile made me float
I would memorize everything he said to me
and replay the words in my head like a lullaby when I went to bed at night
I knew every hair on his head and every freckle on his face and the way his eyes glowed blue when the light hit them a certain way
I was insane.
Or maybe just in love, or both, or they mean the same thing anyway.
After that it was all a blur.
A blur of happiness and pride and worry and affection and addiction.
It started like it ended, fading in and fading out.
It didn’t hurt at first.
The year after, I never felt the same. I didn’t fall in love like I used to. Things were different. I didn’t love so carelessly. It was no conscious decision, it was just the way things were. Another year passed, and I could feel my heart aching and missing the daydreams and fantasies and wishes and longing it once felt before. It was breaking at last. I was falling apart.

I felt like a drug addict deprived of the drug
as I watched my friends smile and blush and talk about things I could no longer comprehend
I was lost in my screwed up, broken world that I ruined with my own two hands.

Until one day, one odd, unexpected day, something happened.
I totally forgot my old feelings. I no longer dreamed of his kiss every night or cried for his touch once again. The fantasies I used to swoon over now made me gag. The feeling of regret was gone completely. I could finally look him in the eyes and say I was over him and be telling the complete truth.

Now I am confused
and I am ecstatic
and I am nervous
and I am shy
and I am loud
and I am quiet
and I am scared
and I am brave
and I am laughing
and I am crying
and I am fascinated
and I am apathetic
and I am messed up
but I am completely normal

Because now I finally know what it feels like to be in love like before
And I don’t want this shitty, wonderful, fucked up feeling to ever go away, no, not again.